My Cleaning Tricks

So In order to still do the general housework I have made some changes and little tricks that help me. Now I know some might sound stupid and might not work for others but they do make having chronic health & OCD a lot better to deal with ... 

Hoover - I have three hoovers which are kept in different places which make it easier than having to carry one up and down the stairs. So I have one upstairs, one downstairs and one just for the kitchen. I keep them near the plug socket so easier to turn on and use whenever I can. 

Cleaning Items - I have a cleaning caddy in the bathroom for all the products I use upstairs and then I have products in kitchen under sink for all the products to use downstairs. I have a cupboard in the hallway which has back ups of products making sure I never run out which I get my Stepdad to reach and take out when I need to. I also have some products in my bedroom for easy access. Ideally I hate products on show but sometimes I have to think practical. 

Long Handled Dustpan/Brush - I have one in my bedroom as I have wood floor and one downstairs for the kitchen, utility and downstairs toilet. Long handled makes it easier to use few times a day without bending down or picking rubbish up ect. I have 3 dogs which mean dogs hairs and wood floor so having the dustpan and brush in reach means I can use it every time I’m in/out of the rooms.

Using Time Effectually - this might sound stupid haha so what I mean is that when I have a flare up with my bowel disease I will also clean the bathroom. It makes sense to do it as I’m stuck in the bathroom anyways. I will fold up washing while sitting on sofa, I will prepare dinner while sitting down and I will even sit on the floor to clean floors/polish, clean the bath/shower while I’m in there ect. It helps a lot to be honest as I find I get more done that way. If I had to wait to not be in pain to do these things then they would never get done. 

Ikea Bags - Totally Random but the blue Ikea bag are literally a lifesaver because of its long Handles and it’s a big bag. I use this to carry dirty washing downstairs and I will also fold up the clean washing put in the bag to carry upstairs. It makes it so much easier. 

Micro Fibre Cloths - I always keep one in reach so that if I’m walking downstairs or round the house I can easily grab it and polish ect. 

Clean At The Right Time - what I mean by this is I try to stick to the same time cleaning which is about 10 mins after I’ve taken my painkillers. I find if I wait anymore then the side effects have kicked in too far. 

Deep Freeze/Deep Heat Is My BFF - I have the roll on ones that literally are so easy to apply and I have one of each downstairs and upstairs which I put on as I’m about to clean. Okay it doesn’t get rid of the pain but it makes cleaning more bearable. 

Late Night No Sleep = Clean - I have nights where I don’t sleep til late because of pain so I use this time to sort my wardrobe out, sort storage out and do little bits in my room. 

I’m pretty sure there’s more than I do without realising but these are the main ones. To someone who isn’t ill I totally understand how stupid it might sound haha!! But you got to do what you got to do. Without doing any of these tricks I simply don’t get anything done. I have 3 dogs so I have to hoover lots and ideally I’d like hoover few times a day but I aim to hoover at least once a day which I find it easier to keep up with housework if I do it for like 20 mins a day rather than spending hours few times a week. Luckily I have a dishwasher but I wash up the dogs Bowls soon as they finished their dinner and I find doing it ASAP means it’s all done and dusted. Now I don’t really like antibacterial wipes well I do but I find it much easier to use a micro fibre cloth and antibacterial spray which probably doesn’t make sense and I’m sure wipes are more easier but my hands are quite sensitive and I was finding wipes irritate them more plus I seem to go through so much wipes so I prefer to use a few cloths instead. I don’t fill my cleaning cupboard up under the sink purely because it’s much easier to only have the products I currently using so I can just grab them easily. 

Obviously with me living at home with my mother means there are some things I’d love to do differently or change. I try much as possible to make the plan more organise, clean and tidy but it’s not as easy when people I live with are not like me lol!! Il spend ages cleaning and then I look and someone’s make it messy.. it’s rather frustrating because obviously I’ve made myself in pain in order to clean properly so it’s bloody annoying. I know if I lived alone I’d have things my way which would make things slightly easier for my health but for now with the small changes/tricks I use are working and helping. I truly believe that a “Tidy House Tidy Mind” and I feel so much better mentally when I’m doing cleaning even if my body is in agony.  My next post will be about what products I use. I tend to stick with the same products that I know work as I haven’t got time to be using rubbish products. So make sure you pop back soon to find out my top products. 

Love Katie xx 

Chronic Health & OCD

So I’ve been wanting to do a blog series for ages now about cleaning while having chronic health. I also have OCD which had way before becoming ill so it was a huge shock for me when I started to notice how certain housework/chores became rather difficult and sometimes impossible. 

I love cleaning. I always have and to be I use it as my therapy. Some people go retail therapy or cooking or exercise but for me it’s always been cleaning,tidying, clearing and being organised. I love seeing the before and after of how simply changes can make a massive difference. And storage!!! Storage is my best friend andI HATE having items in my draws without being in some sort of box or draw divider. Every month I always sort through each of my chest of draws, clean them and make sure to either chuck or Charity shop stuff I no longer have use for.

Safe to say I love clearing, cleaning and organisation but it’s rather hard when you have a disability. I’m lucky that I’m still able to do most housework and I have ways of making sure I can still manage them but having OCD thrown in the mix makes things so frustrating. My mind is telling me I have to clean or do something but my body is refusing and physically can’t. My illnesses has already taken so much away from me and has dramatically changed my life but I will not let it stop me from doing the normal day to day chores. I’ve made some changes and adapted which I think I have the right balance at the moment in order for me to be in less pain as possible while continuing to do the general housework. Obviously even with the changes I’ve made I still have days where the pain is too bad to do anything.  I thought I’d share some simple changes and tricks/tips on how I still do the normal chores with a disability. And how I try and control my OCD while having a bad pain day. I now do things differently which to some people might sound stupid but in order to still keep on top of the house I don’t care if I look or sound stupid. Not only is cleaning obviously good and I 100% go by the saying “ tiny house tiny mind” but I use it as a distraction and almost as a escape from the agonising pain I’m in 24/7. 

My next blog post shall be the simple changes I’ve made and the silly ways on how I still manage to cook/clean/tidy and organise with chronic health. I write all my blogpost via my phone as I don’t have my laptop as I hardly used it so if the layout, pictures or words are not up to scratch then I do apologise. I’m going to try and do at least one blogpost per week which I think is doable otherwise if I give myself a few a week I know it’s not possible. I do miss blogging and I think it must be at least two years since myself or Beth blogged properly but so much has happened to us both since we last blogged so our posts might be slightly different. I just thought I’d do a quick post to explain on why there will be regular posts coming soon and what they’re about ect. 

Next blog post shall be in a few days :) 

( I have about 10 posts half written that because of brain fog never get finished) haha..  I have been using the blog Instagram since last September now & do regular posts and I’m slightly addicted to doing daily stories haha.. so please do follow us on Instagram on “Essextowindsor”

Love Katie xx 

Katie’s Health Update - Ulcerative Colitis

      (Been two more surgeries since this picture) 

Hello everyone :) as you can probably tell by the photo it’s Katie here. Me and Beth have soooo much to catch up on as a lot of life events have happened since we last was active on the blog. As from next week Beth shall have the laptop back and running so expect lots of blogpost about pregnancy and mum life but for now here is a post about my health. 

When we used to update the blog a lot I done a series of “health Update” where I would share how my health was doing. I can’t remember the last time I done an update to be honest so I shall start with one of my conditions:

ULCERATIVE COLITIS- 

I was put on Predinisolone for my Ulcerative Colitis and safe to say I totally regret it. I had put on a lot of weight, got awful side effects and to top it all off it didn’t make any difference to my bowel. My Gastro team were shocking and left me few months without any medication. It was June the month of Beth’s hen and we

dding. The hen party was a cocktail night & seeing as I haven’t drunk at all for a good few years it’s safe to say that alcohol didn’t agree with me. It put me in a instant flare where that evening I spent crying in the hotel bathroom with zero sleep, the cramps were insane and the thought of food made me feel sick. We got back home and my IBD nurse advised me to go to A&E so off I went had some bloods and morphine then to be told go home and wait for IBD team to ring as it was night time. I was exhausted I went home and rested for a few days then it was Beth’s wedding. I felt awful the original dress didn’t fit I had to order new one week before wedding I felt awful and looked it. The steroid made me so swollen and puffy looking safe to safe I couldn’t of hated myself anymore than I did. The day went okay then soon as I eat the food that was it. Another flare left me spending most of the reception in the toilets. I missed the first dance, beth throwing the flowers and cutting the cake. I was gutted, exhausted and in agony but I just had to put on a smile and act normal in front of family. I had the girls for few days after as Beth and my brother went on a mini moon. I got back home and this flare wasn’t easing at all, it was the summer so heat wave didn’t help. We went out with the girls I tried to put on a smile but I was again stuck on the loo crying. I had enough. Enough of the IBD nurse/team not giving a shit *pardon the pun*. So I went to a&e again, had bloods, a canualar & morphine to be told my bloods were okay bit dehydrated and higher CRP but nothing they can do as it was nighttime aka no Gastro avalible. I went home angry, disappointed and physically drained. Finally I saw a new Gastro a few weeks after who demanded I went back on Steroids which I didn’t want to! So fed up I went to my GP and asked to be referred to another hospital. I was warned it could take months waiting but I was willing to wait. 

Yet again another thing I regret. The new Gastro is claiming I don’t have Ulcerative Colitis and it’s constipation. Now I’m no doctor or consultant but I know it’s deffo NOT constipation. I had to demand a Sigmoidoscopy which annoyingly by this point my Colitis settled down so not much was shown. I’m yet to see my specialist to discuss things but I’m so drained from everything that I’m yet to make the appointment. To be told you haven’t got an illness that you were tested so many times for and each times have evidence of it is so frustrating. Also in June I had surgery (bowel related but not UC) and recovery was harder than expected so I was fed up. 

I’m currently on no medication for my Ulcerative Colitis and weirdly am better. Not 100% but so much better than I was in the summer. I suppose I won’t see my Consultant til the new year and I so regret leaving the first hospital I was under. I feel like I’ve gone 1000 steps back from the days of being told it was just IBS. I have so much going on with my other illnesses that I haven’t really been bothered about this one if that makes sense. So much appointments, different Hospitals, lots of medication as well as brain fog so I’m finding it hard to keep up and jungle everything. Safe to safe I could do with a PA hahah!! Fingers crossed my Bowel behaves over Christmas as I don’t fancy spending Christmas Day on the toilet. Once I see my Consultant in the new year hopefully it will be a possitive appointment. I shall keep updating so do keeep an eye out and the next post from be shall be an health update on another condition of mine. 

I know these posts might not be everyone’s cup of tea and I totally understand but I think it’s so important to spread awareness and share your own stories. Me and Beth like to keep it real on our blog and we don’t pretend our lives are perfect. All of our blog posts are real life, honest and truthful. If you have got this far then well done haha. Thank you for reading and do come back for another post :)

Love Katie 

Social Media Changes

Hello everyone.. its been a long time. 

I wanted to write a quick blogpost to tell you all about some changes. So we have a Instagram which we used to update alot but as life shit happens we stopped. Also our blog and twitter went quiet. However I (katie) have always been active on my personal twitter/Instagram.. well mainly Instagram to be honest. In the last two months or so I have been addicted to instastories on my personal account and sort of abandon Snapchat. I've been following accounts that have cleaning tips, home interior, Chronic health and more which I have been speaking to a few lovely ladies. I decided to log into our blog Instagram and dedicate more of my time and energy as on my personal is alot of people I know in real life and sometimes I had to be careful what I posted or my stories. Although I know they can also see our blog insta, I feel more comfortable and confident posting what I want, sharing my life and find its easier to be more open. So for the past month or so I have only been using the blog insta and not only has snapchat been abandon but my personal insta has. In just a short time I have been talking to a few ladies, already got my favorite people to follow and feel 100% better in myself knowing I am not alone in being OCD, being addicted to cleaning products, having mental illnesses, grieving for my two babies, dealing with the shit of having chronic illnesses.  

Although the Instagram is back up and running, the blog isn't. As much as I'd love to be able to write blog posts, its kind of impossible right now due to health. But I have soo many ideas to the point where my notes on my phone can't take anymore haha. I've learnt lately to live one day at a time which before I wasn't and it was totally making me stress. So I'm not going force myself to write blog post just yet. I've even made a few insta friends already so I am concentrating on that for the time being. I have also been tweeting from our twitter but I'm not really bothered about that as I've never found twitter amazing if that makes sense. 

Head over to our Instagram HERE if you want to see me moaning about being in pain, being tired, watch me go on about cleaning in my stories haha. I said this was going to be a quick post but its taken me forever as I'm rather tired. Thank you for reading and lets hope I can put my ideas into many blog posts soon. 

Love Katie 

Toilet Thoughts

Hello readers.. 

I'm currently writing this as I'm sat on the toilet and I'm sure most people wouldn't want to know that but in reality this is my life. I have Ulcerative Colitis which if you have been following our blog since we started then you would know. If you haven't read our blog and don't know or heard of Ulcerative Colitis is then it's an Irritable Bowel Disease (NOT IBS) and this horrible disease means I attend the toilet basically 95% of the day. I get very sore joints because of this and also terrible fatigue so you can imagine sitting on the toilet isn't enjoyable.

I wanted to write this post because I swear some people think that I'm even making it up or that I enjoy suffering from Colitis! It's exhausted, painful & frustrating. I never have a proper goodnight sleep because for some reason my Bowel is more awake at night time. I never get to watch full programme as run back and forward to the bathroom. It's not fun or enjoyable having to sit on the toilet and for normal people when they go for a toilet they are not in pain but I am in pain. Everyone I open my bowel it is absolutely agony and I cry because of the pain. 

I sit on the toilet and watch people snapchats or insta stories and see people out having fun or not having to worry about to what to eat and it's hard to watch.. and I do feel about jealous of them. Then I go on Facebook and read people statues about their fun evenings and it makes me sad and angry. I look back and miss the old me. The old me who used to spend my evenings going out, drinking, eating whatever I wanted, was abled to have a goodnight sleep and literally having no care in the world. 

So when people say that I have an easy life being housebound, stuck on the toilet in pain and never having a goodnight sleep.... "easy" isn't the word I'd call it. I didn't choose to have this disease and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'd absolutely chose to be working, doing normal adult things and not having to be in pain over this any day!! It's hard to be positive when I'm stuck on the toilet, it's hard to be happy and not dwell on the past. But this IS my life and all I wish is for my health to be better and to gain my life back again. So yeah this isn't enjoying or fun and if anyone says it is then come and be in my shoes for a day and you'll soon realise how "fun" this really is!!! 

Love Katie xx

CCUK/Endoscopy Tour

Sooooo this is the first blog post I have done in a very very long time!! What better way to start blogging again by writing about something close to my heart..

On Sunday I went to my first ever Crohns and Colitis Meet up at the Endoscopy Clinic At Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading and it was literally so amazing to meet and talk to people who suffer with IBD. This was my first meet at all so I was nervous abit and to make things worse Im flaring at the moment. This was rather different from a general "meet" as it was a chance for Friends and family of members of Crohns and Colitis Berkshire to see behind the scene and learn more about what us IBD sufferers have to deal with when we enter in Endoscopy area. I brought my Mother and Stepdad with me as I thought it would be a good idea to get them involved more and in hope that they can try to understand what I go through. I am glad I took them as they are two of my closest people in my life and I would love it if my closest ones understood and knew more about IBD from the endoscopy consultant.  

So we got there about 10am ish and we sat down with a cuppa in the reception area of the Endoscopy unit. Well I say sit down but what I really meant is that I ran straight to the toilet because Colitis doesn't like to behave well at the moment lol. We all had a cuppa and biscuits and had a chat/got to know each other for about 10 minutes or so. Then Professor Jon Simmons started the tour of the endoscopy clinic and literally I was so interested and amazed. He explained what happens from the minute you step into the reception to the minute you leave. He started by showing us the waiting areas which is separate for male and females, once you are undress you put all your clothing and items in a big "shopping basket"...you know like the baskets on wheels they have at some shops, well it was exactly the same as that which they take it with you all the way to recovery. Also in that area he shown us where you have the enema which is in a room attached to a toilet. Then onto the exciting area!!!! The Endoscopy operation rooms. Jon shown us everything from the equipment, the biopsy equipment, all the machines, the gas and air ect and he also explained all the different type of sedation which was very interesting. We asked him some questions then he switch on the machine and we all had a hold of the endoscope itself, took biopsy (with paper) and we was all in amazed haha. Then off we went to the recovery area which was male and female separate and explained how it works ect. Now this part was the best...the cleaning room!! So once the endoscopy is finished the nurse will take the dirty endoscope plus all the equipment to the cleaning room which was literally so interesting. On one side was full on sinks where they clean the equipment first then on the other side was the big machine which looked like massive washing machines haha... they put the equipment in these machine which is disinfected. Once the cleaning progress is all finished its comes out in a separate room so basically the dirty ones NEVER mix with the cleans ones. Then we went to see all the other operations rooms which one had a X-ray in and lastly we went to the room where you go and sit down once you have recovered from the sedation and all your obs are fine. That room is full of comfy sofas, a area for hot drinks and toaster and a little room joined to it which is for when they have the report of the endoscopy and the nurse goes through any questions you have ect and then you wait til you are picked up or drive home if you just have gas and air. 

We stayed in that room for ages asking Professor Jon Simmons lots of questions, we had lots of debates about the NHS and a general chat about life with IBD.  We was there for a good few hours and even my Mother and Stepdad learnt so much and got stuck in with asking questions. I literally felt alot better after talking to people who suffer the same as me as I finally was talking to people who know exactly how I feel. To be honest I was more happy that my Mother and Stepdad came and joined in because they obviously do not have IBD so its hard for them to understand me at times and sometimes they both have been judgmental in the past which I don't blame them for because unless you have IBD, its really difficult to understand. As I said at the start of this post that this was my first ever meet up to do with Crohns and Colitis so I was very scared but after it finished I felt more confident and excited to attend other meet ups. 

I learnt ALOT and feel alot less nervous now for when I have another Colonoscopy/Sigmoidoscopy. I am not under Reading Hospital so it was all new to me but after speaking to the Jon Simmons its made me ever more sure to be referred there. I am currently under Wexham Park hospital and ever since I was diagnosed in 2015 I have never had any progress with symptoms and they still won't try me on any other medication. So I think its about time to get referred to a new IBD specialist with a good IBD nurse support team and in hope they start me on new treatment and finger crossed I start to feel better. 

Thank you to anyone who has stayed this far and read this haha. Myself and Beth haven't been blogging properly for ages. Life got in the way and we put this blog in the back of our mind. We literally loved writing and reading other blogs and we both said its a form of therapy for us so we promise to try and get this blog back to how it was. 

Love Katie 
xx  

Feeling alone By Katie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling alone

 

 

At the weekend my health messed up a family fun day Saturday which made me rather sad and couldn't help but feel alone! 

When you have chronic illness you feel so alone. When I say alone I mean because I have no one in my family that suffers with a chronic illness similar to mine so it's genuinely hard to talk out loud about my health as they do not understand. Alone because most family birthdays meals I cannot attend because I'm either in a bad flare or can't eat anything on the menu so I'm left at home alone and I end up feeling so isolated. The one thing that really upsets me about missing family occasions is when I get certain family members saying that I'm choosing to not go out and that I don't want to socialise which couldn't be further from the truth. Of course I want to go out, attend all family meals or events and socialise but I've realised that you HAVE to put yourself and your health first. I've spent many times sitting in a restaurant putting on a totally different mask and acting fine when in reality I'm sitting there with stomach cramps, my joints are in crippling pain and my eyes are wanting to close from severe fatigue. The smile I put on in those situations is totally fake. How can I smile when I'm in so much pain. Sometimes putting on an mask and a fake smile doesn't  work in my favour! Unfortunately It makes some of my family members think that I am absolutely fine and that I am lying about being ill. It leaves me thinking what is the lesser of two evils? Grinning and bearing the family meal in crippling pain or putting myself first and not going and facing the criticism of some not so understanding family members.

 

The weekend just gone, I planned to go to Battersea Old Windsor Fun day on the Saturday with Beth, my nieces and my brother, we planned this ages ago and we was all looking forward to it. The evening before I got ready to have an early night then all of a sudden my colitis really flared up big time to the point where I was on the toilet from 10pm until 7.40am so I was incredibly exhausted from just running back and forward to the bathroom. At 8am I thought lets get an hours sleep so I can have some energy for the day out but soon as I closed my eyes, my bowel had other ideas meaning I had no other choice than to cancel the plans and stay in bed instead. I was so exhausted and the toilet trips continued till Saturday evening and I was home alone so I felt even worse and more alone. 

Luckily I have my three dogs who drive me mental but they follow me to the toilet, cuddle me on the sofa, always by my side in bed and make me laugh. I am so glad that I live with my Mother, something I thought at 24 years old that I wouldn't say but honestly I couldn't be without her. 

I really hope that my health starts to improve as I hate missing out on all these family events, I will be sure to keep you all update on my health and my story.

until next time

Katie x

Katies Come back ....Sort of

Oh god!! I have no idea where to even start!! I haven't written a blog post since late last year due to health problems and I have totally lost the blogging vibe.

I used to love sitting down either on the sofa or in bed writing about my health and lifestyle which also helped with my Depression and Anxiety because just to write and express what is on your mind feels so bloody good. So when I had to stop blogging it wasn't a nice feeling. I didn't bother on our Instagram or twitter, I just abandoned the blog and the whole social media side of things. At the time Beth was moving down nearer to me so I was just happy at the fact that I am able to see my Nieces whenever. Then there is the illnesses!! 

As you all know I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and Ulcerative Colitis which I have done many, many posts about and looking back I was somehow "managing" with my symptoms and side effects from medication. With the help of mediation and LOTS OF PAINRELIEF and hot water bottles, I could sit down and happily open the laptop but now things are abit different to say the least.

Since late last year, I have NOT been "managing" and life has became very different. If I could only use one word to describe it would be "Exhaustion". Exhaustion from every little task I do, Exhaustion from stupid simple things such as shower, wash my hair and even washing my face and also from taking the stupid amount of medication I have to take and just Exhaustion of being awake. End of last year I started getting pain in my thighs then my hips then my hands and now my knees. My mobility is poor and there are times where getting out of bed is impossible. Well I say "times" but I mean mostly every day. I struggle to sleep, I get numbness and tingling in most joints, my thighs feel swollen and throb with pain and now my knees which is the newest of symptoms. I wake up and from head to toe I am stiff. Having to rely on Morphine based patches to basically live is so depressing and yet I STILL get pathetic comments from certain people. I have had physio which made zero difference I mean  does it ever work? Especially with such conditions as I have, its going to take more than a few leg stretches to cure. So now I await to hear from various of specialist. The main condition this is all being linked to which I am being tested for is Fibromyalgia. Of course I have done lots of googling (who doesn't) and have read up on this condition among other conditions. From reading I have learnt that is it hard to actually be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and have had few people tell me they was being tested for a year just to get the diagnoses so that bit scares me. I don't want it being dragged out that long, I just want to get sorted and start feeling better, I'm so exhausted from medical tests and hospitals.  

There is so much I want to write about but I can't get most out. That is down to Brain Fog, I will at some point do a post about this as it is totally life changing. My mind is mushed! and also down to the silly side effects of my medication. I will get Beth to proof read this because I struggle to make sense sometimes. I have given Bethany my laptop as it was no use to me anymore so at least she is getting use out of it but I plan to write posts on my iPhone on the blogger app or on my notes and then sending them to Beth as she is a lot more clever than me and will pick out all the spelling mistakes and the sentences that don't make any sense haha. Bethany sort of runs the blog by herself for the moment and also she runs the twitter, I run the Instagram for the blog as it still gives me a little input into the blog without it effecting my health. I have set up an new Twitter for myself so follow it if you want to hear me moaning about life or hospitals haha my twitter is @KatieAmyPricex but you can still reach me on the blog Twitter @Essextowindsor were I pop up from time to time, and Beth lets me know when there are messages for me.

I have enjoyed writing this actually but my legs are in pain, my patch is due for a change 30 mins ago haha. I am currently at Bethany's while she is at Sally's hair supplies getting some new scissors so one is on the laptop on the sofa while Bella has her nap and Ava is watching YouTube on the TV haha. I might try and get another post written if my body lets me. Thank you for anyone who has read this... and got to the end of this post and apologises if I don't makes sense!! Hope to see you all soon :)


Love Katie :)

Where We Have Been

So we haven't been blogging a lot over the past few months which we have valid reasons for but hopefully soon we should at least have one post up per week.

Ava & Bella loving their new home :)

Where we have been?
Me (Katie) well my illnesses haven't been too good lately to the point where I haven't opened up my laptop in ages. My Colitis flare up has no sign of settling down and I am still waiting for an appointment with the Gastro ward. The fatigue is getting the better of me. My painkillers dose has been upped which obviously comes with more side effects so I am like a zombie pretty much most of the day.

Bethany .. welll things have finally gone to plan for her and my Brother and they now are living in Berkshire so we live in the same county finally and their place is about 20 minutes away. It all happened so fast that they had just under two weeks to buy everything for the flat and pack everything up. So on the 19th October Beth, my Brother and most of both of our families all came together to help move in. For the past year they have had bad luck when it comes to finding a place to rent so it was all hush hush when they got the go ahead to move as they didn't want to temp fate.

So things have been abit manic lately and this weekend will be even more manic as on Saturday Beth and Tom are having a little housewarming party/get together, Sunday myself, Beth, Tommy and the girls are off to Harry potter Tour and then on Monday it is Bethany's 22nd Birthday and as Tommy will be working, I am staying the night before so I can spend the day with her and go for lunch and obviously a Costa. Once this weekend is over then I will hopefully well I WILL be seeing Beth least once a week and hopefully most weekends. I shall take my laptop over to hers and as she lives next to Costa we shall be having a blogging costa date most weeks haha.

I have energy for the first time today and I guess the medication and coffee is to thank for that. So I am going to try and write a few posts so I can put them up next week :) Hope you are all well :)

Love Katie xx  

Katies Health : Pushing Your Limits

Auntie & Niece Selfie

On 14th September I went to Essex to stay with Bethany for a week but that week turned into two weeks which I had the most amazing time but I pushed my limits in terms of my health. I didn't plan to go for two weeks so I only took enough tablets for a week with an extra few days of spare meds but I thought I would be okay without a few meds for few days but how wrong was I. Looking back I should of went to a walk in centre/hospital in Essex to get my medication but I didn't really think and was in a little bubble. When you have a chronic illness you try so hard for it not to rule your life but it does without you even realising and it is so out of your control.

I came home on 25th September and the train journey home was a nightmare and totally made me panic which I didn't have any medication for my panic attacks so I was literally alone trying to calm down with the help of texting Beth. I have no idea what I was sending to Beth or if it made any sense to be honest but she was doing her best in calming me down via imessage. Once I got some food and drink and got onto the train to Windsor I felt abit calm but the panic didn't really go. I was in pain with back, stomach cramps and as I am in a bad flare up at the moment I was constantly worrying how I was going to go to the toilet with all my bags and suitcase I had. I felt so alone, empty and scared. Alone that I didn't have any medication with me and that when it kicked in that my illnesses are controlling my life and I cannot do much about it at the moment.

With the constant toilet trips with diarrhoea, mucus and blood it makes me so exhausted, the lack of sleep due to back pains and then depression making everyday stuff feel worse than it probably is. My day to day routine is I get up early take my medication have breakfast and get ready like every other person but difference is after than I am exhausted I have no energy left and I don't really feel awake. The first week in Essex I was totally okay, I was eating the foods I am meant to be and I was sleeping good. Yes I was on toilet lots and in ALOT of pain but I was coping good with it but the second week totally knocked me for six. Beth and Tommy asked if I would like to stay for another week and I instantly said yes as I love being with my brother, Bethany and nieces. I hardly slept much in the second week, I was going from Ava's bed to the sofa to Beth parents bed (her parents were away on holiday, I was relying a lot on hot water bottles, gel for my back and what I had left of my medication but nothing was touching the pain. Two days with no medication apart from cocodamol which were the lowest dose literally broken me. When I got back home on Friday afternoon I went and took tramadol ASAP, laid in bed and took my usual meds and I felt abit better.

Basically these past two weeks was a massive learning curve. To never EVER go without my medications and ALWAYS take the box of meds instead of in the pill box. I think people just think Colitis symptoms are just belly related but its the fatigue and pain that make this illness so hard to do normal day to day stuff. Let alone the side effects from the medication I take which constantly leaves me feeling sick and lightheaded ect.

Apart from all that above, I did literally have the best time with Bethany and my Nieces. We all spent lovely quality time together. We baked cakes at 7am, took and picked up Ava from school, watched Celebrity Big Brother together, became obsessed with Desperate Housewives box set on sky, Costa/Tesco trips and much more fun. We all get on so much and constantly are laughing. The next time we get to spend together is in an months time when it is Bethany's Birthday and we are off to Harry Potter Tour woooo.

Has anyone with a Chronic Illness or Colitis got any tips on how to cope when you're away from home? Let me know :)

Love Katie x

Therapy & Bestfriends

image from pinterest

 

 

Sometimes we all get caught up in our own lives and don't realise what we all need is just a chat or hug with our close ones. With my depression I see my GP every few weeks and I take my antidepressants medications each day without fail and hopefully starting CBT soon and I have the best support around me who is Bethany.

 

If I wake up feeling down, depression, not wanting to get out of my bedroom and speak to anyone I will always text Beth each morning and tell her and just by telling her how I feel helps so much. When I am at hers and feeling down, she always asks me how I am or if there is anything she can do for me and I think people forget that is mostly all we need to make us feel abit better. Just a simple text asking how you are means literally so much. Most of my family are constantly putting me down, not believing depression and never ask the simplest of all questions " How are you". Last week I was in Essex at Beth's and my Depression was not good but it was the most happiest I've felt in ages. Beth does the little things but I don't think she realises how big those little things means. For example making me toast and tea in the morning to make sure I do not have my morning medication on an empty stomach, texts me once we are all in bed to make sure I am okay, asking me throughout the day how I am and always asking if I need anything. The other night face to face Beth said to me " How is your depression going at the moment and how do you feel" and literally I was so shocked it was someone close to me asking me that and not someone in the NHS. By Beth saying that it really made me think how lucky I am that not only have I have an amazing sister in law but also how I have a best friend out of her and my brother relationship. If my Brother didn't meet Beth then I wouldn't have a best friend right now helping me and supporting me.

 

Last week with Beth we didn't do much like activity wise but we chilled, watched Celebrity Big Brother, Had chats and a cuppa, got ready and done make up together and went through lots of Desperate Housewives Box Set on sky and literally I had the best time. To me that was like a therapy session that lasted for 7 days. I think we all need to look close to home and realise we need to be asking the simplest of questions to our close ones. Do we really know how our love ones really are? I've hid depression for years and years with hardly anyone knowing or even noticing so that just proves people can be hiding so much. When I go to the doctors it is nice to be ask how you are. The GP generally wants to know how you are, how your moods are and if you feel any better and I do feel a lot better after coming out of the doctors. When you know people generally are looking out for you, have your best interests in their heart, supports you and never judges that does make whatever your going through a little bit easier. I am so thankful for Beth and I don't think she realises. If anyone close to you simply asks a simple question then maybe ask them it back or tell them how much they mean to you and how much they are helping you.

 

So thank you to my sister in law for being my therapist last week and it is only a few weeks till I see her again... for my next therapy appointment ha!!

 

Love Katie x  

Life/Health/General Update//Katie

For a few weeks now I haven't written an post, turned on my laptop, looked on bloglovin or even logged into blogger. The first week I was preparing for Essex and I had a hospital appointment to do with my Colitis so I didn't have time to use my laptop and then the 2nd week I was in Essex and although there is Wi-Fi there I like to spend family time and make the most of my time there. 3rd week so last week wasn't a good week in terms of my chronic illnesses so I thought I would just start blogging again on a Monday with a fresh mind and hopefully am back on track and into a routine again.


I've been on Steroids for the past two weeks for my Colitis and the side effects are bloody awful. I go back to the Gastro to see if I will carry on with the Steroids or another type of treatment. I will update and speak about this more in another post. Last week I visited the Dietician and gotten loads of information and have totally changed my diet so might do a post about that as its been hard and interesting. I had the best time in Essex the other week and it was so good to just free my mind, clear my mind and come back to Windsor with a fresh mind-set.

When I came back from Essex I felt motivated and although I had a bad train journey home with illnesses but I felt good but then when Sunday came I totally lost that motivation. It was a mixture of depression, anxiety, colitis, Ankylosing spondylitis, family being dicks and general being pissed off so I thought I am not in the right mind frame to blog or basically be human and socialise. Next Monday I am back to Essex for a week again and now that the kids are back to school I am going to let Beth do lots of blogging while I look after Bella for her... I haven't told her this but I'm sure she will be okay with it haha.

So this week I have to get my shit together! I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, collect my monthly prescription, pack for Essex and try and blog as much as I can. Saying that it all depends on how my Colitis and back are. This post is just to explain where I have been and that I am back with a fresh mind :)

Love Katie

 

The Guilt & Fear Of A Chornic Illness

image from pinterest

Lately I have been feeling guilt. Guilt for being Chronically Ill. Guilt for not being able to help/work/do general task. I had a major think and had a massive rant on my personal Facebook about it. I have never said on my personal Facebook about my illnesses so it almost felt good to "get it out". Obviously a few people on my Facebook know but about 95% don't. Although I am not one of those people who treats Facebook like a personal diary/put my whole life on there but I felt like I was trying to cover up/act normal so people wouldn't treat me any different. My own Father doesn't really know everything, we don't have a good relationship but when we do speak I choose to just say "I'm Fine".

Guilt is a horrible emotion because I know I can't control this feeling and can't control my illnesses. I wish I could have a normal 9 to 5 job to be able to treat my family to things and to just have a normal day to day routine, I wish I didn't feel the need to hide the fact I am ill to my family, I wish my family would actually take time on reading up on my illnesses to understand and I wish they wouldn't call me "lazy". I have as much guilt about my illnesses as it is so I don't need added on guilt from my family. One person who has literally never judge, commented, called me lazy and constantly is always on the other end on the phone when I need her is Beth. She has IBS so we kind of have similar symptoms which helps her to understand but even if she didn't have IBS I think she would of still understood and been amazing like she is. When I am in Essex staying with Beth, she always ask how I am, makes me toast, makes sure I have a drink for my morning/night medication and if I need to sit down she doesn't call me lazy like most people do.

I have an major fear that I won't be able to play or pick up my nieces. Of course I am in pain constantly but it's bearable at the moment but I know one day the pain will limit the stuff I am able to do now which scares me. Ava knows I have a bad back and she is very good at knowing not to jump on it ect and she is really caring but I don't want her to think that means I can't be the playful fun auntie. I am a "Hands On" Auntie and I always will be. I will not let my illnesses stop being that kind of Auntie. Being with Ava & Bella makes me happy and that sometimes makes the pain easier to deal with.

The fear of having major surgery on my bowels scares me. I have had many of operations in my life but I know what operations people with Colitis have and it bloody scares me. I'm not good when I wake up from any operation and I have a massive panic attack soon as I am woken up so that alone scares me.

The fear of not being able to do things for myself. I mean normal things such as clean, wash, do my make up, dress myself if that makes sense. We all know what Arthritis in the Spine will do in years to come but there isn't a time period of when that time will come. It could be tomorrow or in another 20 odd years. I am independent as it is so this fear is probably the worse out of the fears I have. Everyday or at least I try to everyday, I make sure I always at least put some make up/look decent enough because that alone helps me ALOT, even if I am in my PJ's but having my make up and hair ok does make me feel good. So if I wasn't able to do that I would feel bloody awful and that scares me a lot. IF there was one person I would have "Helping" me would be Bethany to be honest hahaha.

Obviously I have every day to day little fears such as

- Running out of my medication
- Not being able to see the doctor I want to
- Not getting an GP appointment when I need it
- Having a flare up when I am out
- Getting an allergic reaction to one of my medication
- Vomiting
- Being on the train (to Essex) and my back going
- Worrying about eating foods

Those are just a few of the fears I have daily and because I have anxiety I think I make it seems worse than it is sometimes. Beth does reassure me LOTS and sometimes I do need abit of telling if that makes sense. Like Beth will just say YOU WILL BE FINE and sometimes that helps a lot. 

I never realised that guilt and fear would be part of my day to day life. Sometimes it literally makes me so bad that I find myself saying sorry. Sorry for being ill, sorry for not being able to be normal and sorry to all my family.

If anyone reading this has Colitis or any chronic illness, I'd be so grateful if you would get in contact with me. I haven't got any friends or know anyone with an illness that has a massive impact to their life. I'd love to talk to someone who will totally related. Our Twitter is @essextowindsor Our Instagram is essextowindsor and our email is essextowindsor@outlook.com :)

Love Katie xx

Katies Hair Transformation By Beth

So at the weekend, I was in Essex and Bethany done a massive change to my hair.

I have always had long hair and because of one horrible haircut experience at 16, I feared to have nothing more than just a trim. I am naturally a blonde but have been dyeing it dark since I was 13 years old. Two years ago I made a decision to stop dyeing my hair and just see how it goes.. two years down the line it was time to get some colour on it. Over the past few months my hair has been getting so lighter but only on the top so my hair was really looking abit lifeless and I knew that I needed to have a hair transformation in order for my hair to be and look healthy. I have always kept my hair in good condition, with always using heat protector, hair mask and generally keep away from using heat tools so the condition of my hair is good, its just the colour and length was looking horrible. With loosing weight, I felt like I needed a hair change and knowing I can trust Bethany with my hair, it was time to change.

Bethany is an amazing hairdresser and also my sister in law so I knew she would do a brilliant job and I wasn't wrong. I literally said to Beth "Right I want my hair shorter, coloured to make it look more healthy, to be easier to manage and long enough so I can at least bung it up in a bun" and she didn't disappoint me. We planned to order the proper professional colours but we didn't have time so we went to Boots last Friday in Lakeside and I went for more darker than I imagine. With the help of Beth, well I mean Beth basically made sure I picked the right colour as knowing me if she wasn't there, I would of picked up a awful colour haha. So I went for L'Oreal Paris Preference 4.15 Iced Chocolate which I can't find on Boots online but they have it here in another colour. It was two for £11 so I obviously got two as we knew we would need two box dyes.

Beth did tell me that with box dyes, it never comes out how it looks on the box so just to prepare me for it to come out abit difference. Beth started the long process on Saturday about 4/5ish pm and was finished at 9.30pm so I am so thankful to Beth. Literally I went to the Salon I don't think I would of coped, I had to get a cushion for my back, got up/down and Beth was so understanding.

 

 

During the week, I had in mind that I was just going to colour my hair basically the same colour as it was but just to make it look more refreshed so I was looking towards the medium brown shade but when we went to Boots I changed me mind. Iced Chocolate seemed more interesting that just medium brown, I thought if I'm going to hair a transformation then I might aswel have a different interesting colour.

 

This was before... I didn't realise how long it was before to be honest until I saw this picture! You cannot really tell by this picture but my hair was more darker at the ends and then lighter at the top.

 

Look at all this hair!! 

 

Before and after.. This final result. I'm literally so happy with the result. The cut, the length and colour is perfect. When telling Beth how much I wanted off, I didn't really know but I was 100% certain Beth would get it right and she certainty did. It isn't too long or too short, its literally perfect length for me to still have down and still bung up when I'm not well. Beth put layers in for me which I never thought about when planning this transformation but it has made such a difference and I love it. The colour has sort of a red/brownie tint to if that makes sense which makes it looks healthy, I love it. Beth gave me a good blow dry which I wish she could do for me every morning haha.

I think the cut defiantly suits my face shape a lot better than my long hair did.

 

This was on Monday when I went out for my Granddad's Birthday and it was the first time using my GHD's with my new hair. I don't like my hair too straight so I the front of my hair more shape if that makes sense. I'm pretty sure I am saying all the wrong hair terms haha.

 

 

 

 

This was yesterday when I was used my Curlers and I was so shocked at how quick it took me! Before with my long hair I would easily of been there for about 20 mins at least and this literally took 5 mins.

 

 

Last night I washed my hair first time since Beth did on Saturday, and I was so happy that it didn't take forever to wash like it used to be. With my back it hurts to be standing there washing my hair but now its much shorter it means less time in pain. I used a hair mask so my hair is all soft and smooth. I left it to dry naturally which didn't take long at all. The other day I brought Toni And Guy Casual Rough Texturiser  as Beth purchased this last week and I loved this way her hair looked when she applied this so I thought I would give it a go and so far so good and then I also brought VO5 Give Me Texture Dry Texturizing Spray which I had used before so I knew it is good. I was becoming very lazy with my long hair and it was either up in a messy bun or in a long side plait. With having two chronic illnesses, it makes you feel like crap basically 90% of the time so making effort with my hair or makeup means a lot to me. I've gotten into a routine of getting up, cleansing my hair, applying my make up and now making effort with my hair and even if I am not going anywhere, I like to make abit of effort to make me feel abit better.

 

I have thanked Beth so many times and literally will be thanking her forever!! But I wanted to say thanks via the blog. Hair is just hair and yes it does grow back but its made a huge difference to me. I feel like my "old self", I used to have Dark/Black coloured hair when I was well and was happy so now I have dark hair again it has almost made me think back to the years I was happy old self . It is amazing how hair can make such an impact to your life. I honestly don't think I would of been brave enough to have this cut and colour if it was for Beth. She helped me pick the colour, choose the length, the layers ect and reassured me throughout every step. So thank you Bethany aka my best friend, sister In law and the best hairdresser.

 

 

Love Katie xx



Feeling Lost And Lonely

Is is okay to feel lost and lonely even though I'm lucky to have good people around me? I guess it is the Depression making me feel like this but I feel guilty for feeling it. I feel very lost, empty, sad, lonely and very down lately. I live with my Mother so I have always got her to talk to and she does make me laugh whenever I am down but there are times where I really need Bethany around. Beth just "gets me" if that makes sense, we both been through similar/same experiences and I can trust her with my whole life. But she isn't just down the road and I can only afford to go to Essex once a month. When I am in Essex, I am literally constantly happy. My Nieces, Brother and Beth are my world so being with them I never feel down or sad. 

Even though its been months and months since Beth moved back to Essex I think it has only just set in. Yes we text constantly, Snapchat and Facetime but that doesn't compare to actually being with someone in their company. Having two Chronic Illnesses is a very lonely life and 90% of my days out include doctor, hospital and chemist. The 10% I do go out is always spoiled by my Colitis playing up or Back hurting. I forgot how it felt to just not have to think before planning or going out. I used to just get up ready dressed out but now before I go out I have to make sure I have applied gel to my back, packed all my medication for the day in my bag, make sure I have a bottle of water for the meds ect. Now I have to get taxis everywhere as My Mother cannot drive anymore due to a hand injury but we would usually walk to doctors/chemist/hospital and sometimes we do but 99% of the time I have to get a taxi because if I am having a flare up with my Colitis I need to be at the doctors asap to be near a toilet, My Back is fine for a bit while walking but after a while it will hurt so much and then the side effects from my meds make me very dosey sleepy sick so I cannot be walking for a long time. I don't really have a social life lately which is why when I go to Essex I feel bloody happy because it is like an escape from reality. Well not completely because I still have pain and medication but it is a good break to be away from home and just enjoy myself and be surrounded with family who understand my illnesses. 

Luckily I have two dogs who are with me all the time so I am glad because I don't know what I would do without them. Few weekends back I was home alone for 4 days and at first I was okay but then I soon realized how much I need and appreciate my Mother. I was hoovering the stairs and my back give way and I fell and couldn't move for 40 minutes. I cried because at 23 years old this is not how I ever imagined my life to be like. A friend came over in the Evening which made me completely shut off and be happy but I want to be able to be happy on my own. I don't want to have to rely on others for my happiness. I truly believe in the saying that you have to be able to be happy single to be able to be happy in a relationship. I am on Anti Depressants and have declined Talking Therapy as I didn't have a good experience with it few years ago but I think I need to stop being so stubborn and just try Talking Therapy again and just see if that helps. 

Does anyone have any tips that would help? Feeling lost and lonely is something I don't want to feel. It makes me say the wrong things to people and I take it out via ranting over texts. Luckily Beth understands and does tell me straight which helps alot. 

Love Katie x 

Twitter - Instagram 

What Motivates/Inspires Me?

Myself.

I have always struggled with not being very motivated and it takes a lot for something/someone to inspire me. In the last two years I have been making some changes and making myself get better at this. Having two Chronic Illnesses has made me feel very low, depressed and bad anxiety which makes me not motivated or want to do anything ect. Having pain constantly and the side effects from my medication means I'm either feeling out of it, sleepy, sick or headache and that just makes me feel crap if I am totally honest. Naturally when your life isn't going well, people are less motivated so I know I am not the only person but I've learnt to make the most of life so here are four people who motivate me.. 

1. Beth/Mother
Beth is my sister in law, best friend and basically my therapist and my Mother is my best friend as well so they both are the people I need to be around when I'm depressed. Seeing them both not having good luck/illnesses ect but seeing them both carry on and never moaning generally inspires me. My Mother brought me and my Brother up alone and Bethany brought up Ava for two years of her life and done a amazing job as Ava is the most polite amazing little girl, so if they can carry on, keep smiling. never moaning and still both look out for me and make sure I am okay each day then pretty much anyone can be happy. They both make the most of everyday and that alone makes me think I can carry on as they both do if that makes sense. 

2. My Brother
Our Father left when we was very small so basically I have never had an Father figure in my life. My Father was around and we saw him maybe twice a year but I've never had that daughter/dad bond with him. Tommy (my Brother) is 13 months younger than me but because we are close of age I have always looked up to Tommy. He has always been the man of our household and he helps me and My mother so much. I know if I'm ever sad ect that I have got Tommy who gives me tough love but that works. Seeing him working since he was 16 years old, paying his way, having two kids, a wife to be, supporting and providing for his family and being the perfect Daddy makes me sooooo proud and happy and that alone motivates me a lot. I want to make Tommy proud and I would love for him to be an Uncle if I ever had kids. 

3. My Nieces 
These two girls have literally no idea how much they have both changed my life. Ava Lily and Bella Mai make me so proud and being around them is my happy place. Spending the weekend with them in Essex is like a dream if that makes sense because I don't see them much so I make the most of the time when I see them. Ava Lily is my little best friend and she is so grown up but still gives me the most best cuddles ever. Bella Mai is so tiny and beautiful and she melts my heart each time I see her doing something new. I know Ava looks up to me and Bella will so that makes me want to make something out of my life so they are looking up to someone who they inspire/want to be. Although Ava wants to be a Plumber like her daddy haha. Whenever I get low and into a depressed state, I think of these two and that instantly gives me a kick up the but. 

I have some tips which help me. They might be small little things but they mean so much. 

1. Photos/Photo album
For my birthday Bethany done me an photo album with pictures full of my Nieces, Tommy and Beth which is the most thoughtful gift I have ever received. I keep the photo album on display and when I feel crap, no motivation and low I simply get the album and look through it and this totally makes a difference. I also have a few photos in a frame in my bedroom which helps. 

2. Get Writing/Lists 
I have always been an list writer. I have to do "to do" list pretty much for each week ahead/when I go away ect. Writing a list really helps as to have a piece of paper in front of you to remind you of what you need to do does make you do them but don't put too much pressure on yourself! If you haven't completed any takes that day or week then seriously don't worry. when I do a task I need to do and I tick them of my list it does make me motivated. 

3. Blogging 
Although I need a lot of motivation to be able to sit down and write a post but when I finally start writing a post, it does make me want to write more and gives me a lot inspiration. So although it takes time to kick your ass into gear to actually sit down and type but once I'm on Blogger I feel extremely motivated. 

4. Little Steps/Start Small
Don't put too much pressure on yourself when you're really struggling to get motivated. I used to totally do this and I found it to just make things thousands times worse. Since being ill, I have taken a different approach to life. If I don't complete a task/chore/a blog post ect then I simply just say to myself that there is always tomorrow or another day that it can be completed. Life is too short to beat yourself up over small things that really don't matter. Being motivated is obviously a amazing feeling but let be honest just being alive and breathing is what really matters. 

So there are my four people and four tips that help me. I'm not saying I am always motivated because trust me I still get days and even weeks that I struggle a lot with being inspired ect but these people and tips have made a massive difference to my life. Just remember to not put too much pressure on yourself or other people, to be less stressed as possible, be happy and never forget to look after yourself. Being ill has changed me totally but for the better. If any of you have any other tips that help you then please feel free to tweet, Instagram or leave a comment on the blog :) 

Love Katie 
xx