My Mind And Me - Three Sides To Me

Three Sides To Me

It was the little things that made all the difference. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. It didn't take much to make me happy but then it didn't take much to make me pissed off either. I supposed pissed off was a light way to describe it. More like severe dramatic over reacting fucked off. Then you had the middle of the spectrum which peered its head up every now and then but not that much. Sadness. Pure sadness. I don't mean sad in general I mean I would get sad about things, simple things, like Tommy going to work.

You know what I don't even  know if it was sadness, more like pure desperation. I remember some mornings I would lay there hoping his alarm wouldn't go off so he would miss work, heck it did cross my mind to turn his alarm off. But I never did. We lived with my mum in Essex and he had to travel to Berkshire to work everyday, leaving at 5am and sometimes not returning till 7pm maybe later. So you could understand why I was so desperate to keep him at home with me, it felt like I hardly saw him during the week. I started to resent his work, and him I guess. I felt like he didn't want to be home. He did and he did want to be around me he was just doing what he could to support us. I can see that now. But at the time I was blinded by what my mind was telling me, because that's what it was something in my mind twisting the truth. Having the girls to look after everyday kept me afloat if not I think I could have been your classic lay in a dark room all day depressive. But of course I wasn't depressed. I didn't think so.

Like I said there were different sides of this and unfortunately I have to express them to you. Only that way you can get an understanding of what my head must have been like, only I now can understand myself after I've read what I've wrote and I lived it. Anyway back to topic. So I had done the whole waking up, sad desperation wishing I had Tom staying home. And yes I have had the paranoia where I was scared he was going to leave me, the hundreds of texts I sent just to check if we were okay. Yes I was a  nightmare I know but don't tell me you ladies haven't done something similar depression, anxiety  ect or not. But anyway the paranoia speaks for itself not much to say on  that. Evening would come around I would feed the girls and bath them  by myself, when I was lucky Tom would be home to just make bath time but that weren't often, of course that weren't his fault it was depending on what time work finished and the bloody traffic on the m25 (shitty road). Now incase you haven't gathered by now, my third post, my mind wasn't of normal thinking. Yes that's right you guessed it. He was in the wrong. My blood boiling, thoughts of cheating, thoughts of escaping me (wouldn't have blamed him) must have been running through his head. I am clever I noticed it. By now I had rehearsed my argument 5 times in my head already. By the time that car pulled up I was all fired up and ready to go! Of course silent treatment HAD to occur first (I'm still a woman), he needed to know something was wrong though by now he was probably expecting it. You know weirdly when my well rehearsed argument actually left my lips it made no bloody sense. What the fuck? It was perfect I had a point, he should be on his knees saying sorry (for what? who the hell knows) but he wasn't he was laughing at me  and calling out my shit points. Of course that would end up with me going well into one storming about and locking myself in bathroom after slamming the door pretending to go for the longest wee in history. These matters would resolve themselves but they would soon reoccur.

Of course there was a happier side to my mind! Like I said I was very easy to make happy too. I lived for children and something else, the weekends! We were all together, as a family. The man I had missed so terribly all week was home I was going to make the most of them days. We would just make little trips to Asda to get Bellas jars, or just to browse round but to me it would be the most special time. It would make me smile so much. And I would be so content. I loved it when  we were all together. On a really good weekend when we had the money, Id get my eyebrows done, I would get replacement leggings, you girls will know the hassle with the holes that primark leggings ALWAYS produce. Now these days I would be ecstatic. No I weren't going anywhere fancy, no I weren't buying the next designer thing, but I was with the people I cared about the most  and I was treating myself to a little something. Could you imagine what I was like if we went out for a meal I was like a child hyped up of thousands of sweets. Like I said it didn't take a lot to set of that smile, just like it didn't take a lot to set off them tears  and the rage.

There were so many days I thought Tommy was going to throw in the towel, and he probably did think about it once or twice or even more. But he never did. He is still by my side, I think I still take him a bit for granted but writing it out like this really opens my eyes. I don't think I could have stuck it out with me like that so I really see clearly how lucky I am, Tommy is my rock I love him dearly and he is always there for me. Thank you Tom. Thank you so much.

This like my other two posts is only a part of my story, I hope you stick with me so I can take you through my journey, maybe even for some of you to relate too. My inbox (twitter) is always there.

Look out for my mind and me part 4 next week.

Thanks for reading

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Our Time At Bucklebury Farm

 

Review For Bucklebury Farm Park

 

 

 

This time last week we were gearing up for an spectacular Sunday at Bucklebury Farm Park. We were going to submerge ourselves into farm antics getting up close and personal with all the farmyard animals. Having children that are keen animal lovers I knew that they were going to have the time of their lives. Like everyone before a day out we had to prepare, though we thought sod it to preparing food we don't do it very often so we was going to have the full shebang and eat there too. However we made sure we had change in our pockets for a car parking fee as we had been in the no money for car parking situation too many times. We had to have double the change as going on this outing was myself, Tommy, the two girls, Katie and my father in law so obviously we would need to take two cars, corr parking was going to be tight. Would there be enough spaces? 

You know what I hate? I hate farms that are like in the centre of everything, you know right next to town, I mean come on could you get more unrealistic and fake made farm than that? That's what I was gearing up for  in all honestly, but hey ho it was for my girls who cares what I wanted. We set off for the twenty minuet journey, this was the most bizarre twenty minuet journey of my life! as we were getting further and further into our journey we started getting surrounded buy more and more green, you would have thought we had travelled hours, that's what made it so surreal, how could 10 minuets ago we be in a busy city but now we are simply in the middle of nowhere. I thought I was walking into an emmerdale scene. It was beautiful. We pulled into the farm and came across a good sized car park, it was busy but had plenty of spaces, to my absolute joy the car parking was free! Typical the time we come somewhere car park prepared we don't need to,  I weren't complaining though!

Upon entering the farm I felt as though I needed my wellies on, not because it was muddy or any thing (though can imagine on a wet day it would be wise, its a farm what do expect!) but because it felt like I was on a private farm, I was expecting Zak Dingle to pop round the corner at anytime. The first thing to greet us where chickens! followed by a donkey, a great start before we paid. Getting further into the farm it was clear this was a proper working farm, stocking produce as well. When going to pay you have to walk through the little farm shop. The shop being smaller that expected but to be honest I later realised they don't really need one! It is clear to see that the place is more fun than all about the merchandise like usual places like this. The only problem I would say is its a bit awkward paying for tickets in the shop as it distracts the children a tad. We were lucky enough for my father in law to be treating us, I did feel guilty as looking at the place I thought it was going to cost him close to £100, for four adults and two children that's what to expect these days, delightfully it only cost him £40ish for us all. I still felt guilty as I always do when someone else paid but I didn't feel as bad.

The farm is very easy to follow, a good natural pathway that takes you from animal to animal ensuring you don't miss any! I don't know about you but I hate panicking that I'm going to miss things and constantly having to check the map to make sure I have seen it all. We had earlier bough some animal food (at reception) that costs around £0.60, bargain! This food can be used to feed all animals apart from the ponies so this was a result. The girls had a lot of fun sticking their hands through the fence, feeding the goats in particular. I know they do warn that all animals have the tendency to bite ect and of course are unpredictable, but all the animals we come across where very friendly. We went through the animal part in usain bolt style. Quick but enjoyable. It is obviously a bright idea to ensure you wash your hands after contact with the animals, but don't worry there are taps, soap and hand towels available just by the animals. We was earlier providde with a timetable of things including, egg collecting, tractor ride, animal petting ect I looked and thought I cant wait to do all these. That was until Ava found the park.

Park. You may think how standard. No. It was farm set and not typical. There were swings climbing tractors ect. Then a favourite with the kids, A wooden castle! The children would go inside and either go all the way to the top or stop half way and go down the fireman's polls. This kept Ava entertained for ages! Next to it was a sand pit which I noticed was keeping a lot of kids happy, Though Ava wanted to go on the indoor slides before lunch instead. What great fun. There where two slides in which you have to use the sac provided and two drop slides at two different heights. It looked so much fun that I wanted to go on them myself.

Lunch time!! Two choices. A posh burger van, which seemed a bit pricey, but the food did look worth it or the café, a rather posh one at that. I did think oh gosh, but actually they had affordable food on there. The sandwiches costing between £4.00 - £5.00 and the baguettes between £5.00 - £6.00 with a range of fillings to suit all. May I take the time to say how amazing the kids chicken nuggets and chips are! The portion size was plenty I could have had it, homemade and they were delicious!. They also provide the adults as kids portion with 20% off the price. All the food was fresh and well worth the £40. Yes that's right £40 for all 6 of us including drinks!. Though  if you want an after dinner coffee I wouldn't recommend it at £2 for a tiny cup I would stick to soft beverages.

We finished lunch in time for my favourite bit, the tractor ride! I don't know why I was so excited, I wasn't expecting anything special just a ride round the farm, but it just shouted fun to me. That's when the surprise really happened. The tractor ride took us into a who new bit of the farm, big green beautiful fields with stunning views and deer sitting in the middle. To my delight that was were the tractor was taking us. The tractor man who by the was very knowledgeable and taught us a lot (I was very impressed) Gave us buckets of food to feed the deer with. The deer came up close to the tractor and where such lovely animals. It was an experience I would love to have again.

What could we do next, well, that's where I get on to the range of activities we did next. Provided was a big bouncy pillow thing, I don't know what I was but it was a hell of a lot of fun, little peddle go karts and some bikes in a separate area for the little ones, two goals and footballs provided and a play bus, which by the way was brilliant, a bus converted into a soft play. We had the best afternoon playing on all these things. Yes I did say we us adults to joined in. There was also a tire swing, zip wire and assault course. To be honest I thought you would have to pay extra for all these bits but you didn't which makes it even more perfect. I honestly felt like I had relived my childhood, I didn't want the day to end. No I didn't do as much on the timetable as I would of liked to but that's for another day, I was too busy having fun elsewhere. I also noticed an area in which you can take picnics if you don't wish to buy food. After a quick trip to the shop for Ava it was time for us to sadly set off home with two knackered children and rather worn out adults!

If your looking for some affordable fun this summer then I would defiantly recommend Bucklebury Farm park. Its got beautiful scenery, friendly staff whom I cant fault and fun for everyone. I give it a thumbs up and five stars. Bucklebury Farm I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Until next time our lovely readers

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

 

My Mind And Me - Stuck In a Rut

Stuck In A Rut

I suppose you can say my mind was like a round about going round and round 24/7 and never being able to stop. It was all these different emotions taking a ride on that round about. They were all taking a ride at once, leaving me confused. How was I meant to know how to feel when  all these feelings and emotions all wanted to ride at once. The best I could do was stick a big 'out of order' sign on my mental round about, being emotionless was better than being confused...surely?

The problem is I struggle, I struggle big time with keeping a lid on my emotions, so every now and then I would let a little out, and it would come out big time, I guess they don't like being kept to the back of my mind that much. I would erupt, that of course caused strain and a lot of it. Endless arguments, endless crying and the low times became more frequent,. Now I can see that they were  down times but at the time, I was just simply upset. I do often think how Tom must have felt at that time, I mean I wasn't easy to live with, though I couldn't see that then. He must have felt so helpless, so confused as to why I had changed, why my moods have changed. At the time I expected him to understand, I couldn't fathom why he couldn't understand, but I didn't understand so how could he? Its all well and good when you look back on it eh. I can see it all clearly now, but back then it was all so cloudy.

Day after day sitting in my mothers home abiding by her rules, and rightly so it was her house, but I shouldn't have been there I was engaged with two children I should have had my own roof. God that got me down. With every rule I would get more and more aggravated more irritated, then arguments would start and I would text Tom interrupting him at work to have a good moan. Oh and then there would be the daily look on right move that would be fuelled by the daily argument. That was meant to pick me up, but it got me more down as I looked at the distant dream of moving into my own place. I would actually look at pictures of each property and picture myself living in them, and for a brief moment I was lifted out of the lowness and I was happy. The come down was massive as I realised the reality...I was still unable to provide my own home for my two children.  

I wanted someone to ask me how I was feeling because surely it was obvious that I weren't quite right. Someone getting that angry that annoyed easy was somewhat out of the ordinary. But no one did, I don't know if it was because they were unsure or didn't know how to approach me. That actually crossed my mind, but after these round about days I just wanted a cuddle. The empathy I may have had that people maybe didn't know how to approach me had gone, and I raged up as usual. I used to get so annoyed that no one was offering to cuddle me I would go off again, push people away. Push Tom away. He would offer his arm of comfort, when I was already upset over not having comfort, but in my head then it was too late. I find myself now telling myself, 'how was he supposed to know? you never said, he's not a mind reader, shut up and stop being a complete bitch'. But I know I couldn't help it, in my head back then I just felt rejected. I weren't, but I felt it How was that possible? It jut was on them down days.

This was becoming a daily occurrence. As you can imagine it was very draining. I was in a mental confusion. You would think I would have realised something wasn't quite right, but no. DENIAL was still  settled within me. Looking back I'm in shock that I thought nothing was wrong.

My mind and me continues next week


Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

My Everchanging Body

Our lovely readers,

 

Like many of these teenagers flaunting their bodies, I was the same. Nothing would stop me going out in belly tops, tight fitted out fits, short skirts and dresses. Safe to say I was body confident. It felt good. I loved my body for that. For giving me confidence. I would get attention from guys, that was a good and bad thing, I had envious girls throwing me daggers, that didn't bother me. I felt like I was Britney or Madonna. It helped going to college, with my confidence being on a high, I was able to make friends and enjoy it. You see before I started feeling confident in myself I would be very shy, making friends was then difficult, but college wasn't going to be like that, I was confident, I spoke to every one.

 

 

 

 

 

Pregnancy

Seven to eight months after  I started college I found out I was pregnant. Shock. It was unexpected but I was happy. I never really had time to think about what pregnancy would do to my body as I new I was going to be a single mum so I was mentally preparing for that. This resulted in me taking any body changes in my stride. With every stretch mark that appeared I thought 'its for my baby', so they didn't really bother me. Sure sometimes I did think oh god! but that was to be expected as I was young and never had a mark on my body before but all in all for the majority of the time they never bothered me. How could I forget the case of my expanding stomach. That fascinated me more that bothered me, I mean how on earth was it possible for my stomach to stretch that much! My confidence stuck while I was pregnant. I though I Looked pretty damn good!

 

 

 

After I had Ava I was on cloud nine like every new mum so as you may know I wasn't really thinking about my body. It wasn't until it all settled down that I noticed that my body had really changed. It was so much different. I Had gone up a dress size, I had a 'pouch' as they say. I would look in the mirror and wouldn't recognise myself. I felt like a stranger to myself when I would put on clothes and they wouldn't fit. I remember going shopping with my parents and trying stuff on, when things wouldn't fit I would feel myself getting really down and embarrassed. I wanted a black hole to open in the changing room and swallow me up. This is when it started becoming hard mentally, the mental image of myself just fell apart, I just thought of myself as fat and ugly, being single I thought that no one would want me. My confidence went down again and I thought everyone was staring at me. I had to re start college too! ohhhhhhh no. How was I going to cope I felt the size of an elephant and shy as a mouse, but you know what I was a mum now to a beautiful  baby  girl. Sod the way I looked. That doesn't matter. Being there for my girl mattered and she needed me to do this course for her future. Safe to say that motherhood gave me the confidence to get through my second college course.

 Shortly after starting college I started too loose weight, I never got back to how I was before but it was enough to feel confident and comfortable again, and when I met Tom  I started to feel 100x better. He was so complementary, wouldn't stop telling me how beautiful I was.

 

Pregnancy..round 2

My body starting changing pretty early on when I was pregnant with Bella, weight wise anyway. My bump started growing quick much bigger than with Ava. You would think it would be easier because I knew how my body could change but for some reasons it didn't. Many times in this pregnancy I felt massive, like a whale. I was  paranoid that Tommy would end up getting disgusted and leave me. My legs also expanded in this pregnancy which was an unpleasant surprise. That added to my fear and paranoia. Towards the end though I was so tired and fed up I didn't take no notice, I just concentrated on getting Bella out.

 

 

This Is when my body really started to get to me. I am now bigger than I ever have been, I have curves that have popped out of know where, hips that have grown beyond expectation, legs that are fatter than a tree trunk (maybe now that big but it feels like it), boobs that are humungous and a stomach that...well we wont even go there. The last year as been hard as far as body  confidence goes. I just feel disgusting, but dieting is hard. I don't think I would be as bad if I weren't looking at all these fitness things all the time. I feel like that's how I should look, and how I look right now is wrong. But I know that's messed up, society is messed up. Making people believe they should be a size toned 6 is wrong. What exactly is wrong with being a size 14 and healthy? I am lucky to have Tom he is constantly telling me how I'm beautiful and how my body is perfect. They other day I sat and thought there are only two people my body has to please, myself and Tommy. If Tommy loves my body then why cant I?? So I have now started too feel confident naked. I stroll to the bathroom now rather than doing a running jump like I'm in the Olympics. I'm starting to accept my body now, I've accepted
that it changes and with each pregnancy my body turnout is going to be different, but if a I have my family and my Tommy that's all that matters.

My parting message In this post I guess is, sod what everyone else looks  like, sod what everyone else thinks. The only opinion that matters is your own. Body confidence doesn't come from what you look like or what your weight is. Body confidence comes from within and how your thought process is about your body and always have someone there to give you a boost when your body confidence is a bit low.


Thanks for reading:)

Until  next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx
 

 

The Weekend - A Special Time

Our Lovely readers

I'm not going to lie I do like the weekend, I do look forward too it. Don't get me wrong I love the weeks with my girls but, there is just something about the weekend when Toms home and we are all together.

I suppose some of  it is relief, it gets tiring during the week, running around after two littlens all day, that's to be expected. I know when Toms home I can share the load....sometimes. There is nothing more aggravating than when I ask  him to do something like change a nappy or make a bottle and he says 'cant you do it'.... I'm sorry what?? I have been doing this all week, I have changed more pooey nappies than I have had hot dinners, I could of bathed in the amount sick that has been produced, I've nearly broke my ankle about 50 times on about 50 different types of toys, I've made so much food I could have fed the army and about 6 world wars have broke out between me and a 4 year old..(this is all in one week) and you want me to change yet another dirty nappy and make another bottle. By this time I have practically turned green like the hulk. So I tell him no I can't 'do it' this is your time daddy boy, your time to be mummy. I would like to tell you this works. But it don't. With all my annoyance I end up caving.. I really need to work on that haha. But no he is really good, he only says that about once a weekend. Other than that I am really lucky and on the weekends I do get a rest. He cooks, amuses the children and does a few nappies and bottles. This weekend I have been really fortunate in him cleaning too!

I also overly enjoy the weekends for family time...this is the main reason for my excitement. We love to do things as a family on the weekends, nothing expensive just quality time. This would be anything from activities at home, to going to the park, to play centres, to picnics or even going to see grandparents. I think family time is very important it keeps you connected and as a unit. I enjoy seeing the girls spend time with daddy, the smile on their faces melts my heart and to be honest nothing will beat that feeling.

To some the weekend is just the weekend. But to me, to us its so much more. Its memories, its my girls childhood, its the only two days a week both parents  are together with them. Its the only two nights, me and Tom can stay up a bit later and spend some quality time together.

All in all my personal definition  of the weekend is - The time of the week for relaxation, family madness, and happy days with a special sprinkling of bonding and memory creating.

I know some of you may find this post boring or irrelevant, but I felt I needed to share what the weekend means to me, so often we go 'thank god its the weekend' but why? Why do we think that? what does the weekend mean to you?


LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

My Mind And Me - the beginning of my story

The Beginning of my story

 

I suppose at first I was in denial. To be honest it didn't feel like denial, more like the unknown with an inkling I didn't want to admit. Strange that probably don't make any sense, but to me it makes perfect sense. It felt like normal behaviour at first. I was only responding to others actions. I couldn't help my reactions, if people didn't  like the way I reacted then they shouldn't have acted the way the did towards me. who can blame a girl for sticking up for herself? That little voice in my head was very convincing, and I liked that voice, it was the only one who made sense to me, It was the only one who was on 'my side'. No one else was, don't be silly I knew, I knew that everyone else was against me. Well that's the story I created in my head anyway. I would say I was in denial about that. I lost count on how many times people would say to me I just 'think' people are against me. But as usual I would hit out and say no I know they are. That was just what they said to make me think they weren't. I was doomed to fight all my battles alone, it was me against everyone else, no one there to back me up to fight my corner. Just me. Though I didn't understand it. Why did no one back me up? Why were they all against me? What have I done so wrong? But what I did know was I was right. I was sure of it.

My mind was awful, playing tricks on me I believed. You know I would wake up one day and my mind wasn't one I had known. It was alien to me. That one voice I had always relied on was telling me different. It was telling me I was wrong. What on earth? now my own mind was turning on me? But this voice was also the only one that could convince me. I would actually be happier them days. I would feel calm and normal again. Thank goodness no one was picking arguments with me. They had taken a day off. I believed this. I had convinced myself of it. It weren't that I was wrong, it was that everyone else had simply taken a day off and with that it was easier. I suppose that was then the denial started. 

 

Other days my mind was back to 'normal'. Or everyone was against me again. They didn't rest  for long. This was really starting to wear me down. I would sit alone and cry. The bathroom was a good place for that and feeling sorry for myself became a comfort. I would wrap my arms around myself to hug myself. Well someone had to. I was alone remember? These days happened quite often, I could have filled and Olympic sized swimming pool with the tears that I shed on that bathroom floor. Why the bathroom your probably thinking, well that was the only place that felt peaceful. It helped me think and gather my thoughts. When I would come out you would think I was fine. I would smile and get on with it. Well you have to don't you? Plus there was nothing wrong with me. Everyone is entitled to a little cry right? Mine just happened more often.

 

 

Look out for My Mind and Me part 2 Next Week.

 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

Happy Birthday Tom!

Happy Birthday Tommy

 

Dear My Tom Tom,

Another year has come around, you are another year older, though you never look it, this makes me insanely jealous. Another year you have worked hard to provide for us. In this year you have made sure a lot happened for us and if it wasn't for you we would be sitting in our own front room right now. You never do all you do for people to notice or for people to tell the world, you do it for us your family because you love us just us much as we love you. You are an insanely fantastic fiancé, loving me, giving me comfort, always being there for me when times are tough, giving me someone to talk too at all hours an working with me as a team to bring up our two gorgeous little girls. This is the perfect time for me to tell you what an amazing daddy you are, you never fail too make our girls smile or laugh, you are and authority figure and their bestest friend. Your the to give them a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on, your everything a daddy should be. So us as your family would like to say a massive THANK YOU for now, for the past and for the future. HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY TOM TOM/DADDY. Have the best day that you deserve. We Love you now and forever.

LotsOfLove
Beth, Ava and Bella...xxx 

 

Where Have We Been?!?

 

What Happened To Us?

 

I suppose you can say us and our blog dropped off the radar. You would be right. We stopped blogging suddenly with no warnings, not even to ourselves. I know what many people will be thinking, what makes two young girls who are seemingly very happy just stop? If we were from the outside reading our blogs we would be thinking the same. But from personal experience we can both say there can be many reasons, some being life events that you just can't see coming. The reasons to our disappearing act will be explained in depth in future posts. But we can now give you some sort of understanding.  

 

 

Katie

 

 

As you would have knew before we stopped blogging Katie had a number of health problems, a couple being ulcerative colitis and Ankylosing spondylitis. In the past few months Katie's condition has not started to improve she has got a little worse. Katie has been on different painkillers for her increasing pain, she is trying to find the right pain relief to get to her pain. She is also having flare ups very often now. Near enough every night. Safe to say she doesn't get much sleep. The side effects from medication, her illnesses and her lack of sleep have made her have severe fatigue. This leaves her felling pretty poo! she cant pluck up the energy to sit and blog ect. As you can imagine due to her illness and the effects they have on her life it gets her down leading to an on going battle with depression, unfortunately until her health starts to improve her depression prob wont either. She is very much the second half of this blog so I wish her well very soon!!!

 

 

Beth

 

 

 

 

Now we come to me, Beth. The reasons for me were all pretty much new. I had moved to a new town, I have been trying to adjust and settle in both for me and my children. This became my number one priority. It wasn't easy, It was a whole life adjustment for a number of reasons which will be explained in a future blog post. I have now also been diagnosed with depression. This is very hard to talk about. I don't like talking about it, but I feel I now have to share my experiences to help both me and anyone else that have also got it.

 

 

These reasons are the background of the fact we disappeared. I look forward into going into more detail. Katie still  isn't feeling 100% as I explained she maybe doing the odd post when she feels up to It, she is still very much involved in the blog just behind the scenes a bit more at the moment.

 

I can't wait to you are back doing regular posts Katie!!

 

 

WE ARE BACK!!!

 

LotsOfLove

Beth....xxx

A Diet Challenge - Week 1

Katie - Brevile Smoothy Diet

A week into the diet challenge and I've failed already by not even starting it. I did mentioned in the first post that I was going to start after I got the food items at the weekend but last Friday I got diagnosed with Colitis so I haven't really been up to anything to be honest. I opened the box but I haven't yet to even test it out. I've started getting a few stuff for it but I want to start once I've got everything so let's hope next week update I will have something to actually update you all on and would of started it. Fingers crossed.

Bethany - Slimfast Diet

So a week in!! It all started so well wasn't feeling any hunger ect at the beginning but I did have a water infection when I stated and I go off my food when I have them anyway so that could be why!! I went away at the welend Friday to Monday I ain't going to lie I slipped up! Who wouldn't when they are away with their family??  I'm starting to feel so hungry now I think it's because I'm due a period and as us women know it bloats us out and makes us wanna snack like crazy! It can also play part to weight when weighing ourselves. Bad news I ain't really lost anything but good news is I ain't put anything on. Maybe I will feel better when I start to see results eh. I think the moral of the story here is don't start a diet till after your holiday and if your due a period just after you start you may wana wait till after! 

I hope for  a better week this week though with the up coming period I don't expect the scales to be nicer next week

I get so bloated when it's that time of the month! 

LotsOfLove

Katie & Beth...xxx

My Kidney Health

I've never really done a health post before, but I thought it would be good to talk about my health issues that I've had me whole life. Why not? There maybe someone out there who can relate...

Basically I am very prone to kidney infections. Pyelonephritis to be exact. I know for us women it's common to contract bladder infections but I get them more often and they sort of skip my bladder and go straight to my kidney. Every time this happens I end up in hospital for a length of time on a drip and on intravenous antibiotics for a length of time. 

This all started when I was a baby. I was really ill, not taking and milk and crying 24/7. My mum was back and forwards to doctors them telling her there was nothing wrong everytime until eventually going up hospital. It was then that she got told I had a bladder infection that had gone to my kidney I had scarring on my kidney and had to spend 6 weeks in hospital and spending my first Christmas in there. Although scarring heals on the kidney I believe this is why this certain kidney is weaker and getting infections frequently. 

When I was pregnant I got an infection my kidney was dialated and had a stone. This resulted In me having a nephrostomy tube inserted into my kidney to drain it, it was in for just over a week. It is a tube that was inserted into my kidney coming out my back with a bag attached to my leg. 

 It was horrible. I'm not going to lie about my feelings towards having the bag. I hated every minute though it did get easier and in the end it didn't bother me as much. It was hard going out and thinking people were staring and laughing behind my back though of course no one knew it was there as my clothes covered it but in my head that's what I want was thinking. Although before I was discharged I was walking around the hospital and it was on show then and someone stared at it like it was something so abnormal that's never been seen before. That's probably why I was so embarrassed about it. It did its job it helped me get better at that point in my life and although I didn't like having it I'm so grateful because it sorted me out. 

I can't describe the pain when I get a kidney infection and unless you have had a kidney infection you will never experience pain like it. I am so scared of getting another one as I don't wanna end up on hospit again. I'm a mother I don't want to be away from my children. 

I think I've bored you enough with my medical history now ha ha. As I say I hope people can read this and relate:) For those who have never had a real bad kidney infection yes it is really painful

And yes it is really easily treated with the right antibiotic so please don't be scared. I only get scared because I've suffered with them all my life and I'm just tired of getting them. 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

50 Facts About Me By Beth!!

As you can see on our blog Katie has recently done a 50 facts about me post. So I thought it would be good to do one I have no idea how I'm going to think of so many but here goes!...

1. My name is Bethany Jayne Jolly 

2. I was born on 26th October 1993 

3. I was born in Guys Hospital London 

4. I was ill with kidney infections as a baby which I still suffer with now

5. I was in hospital on my 1st Birthday 

6. I LOVED barney as a kid 

7. My all time fav christmas film is Home Alone the first one

8. Deffo a Dog person! 

9. I support West Ham United COYI

10. I have a phobia of people dressed up in big costumes I.e a bear or anything where you can't see the person! 

11. I have phobia of sharpe knives particularly people holding them

12. I have a phobia of spiders 

13. I'm a natural blonde

14. I'm a fully qualified hairdresser

15. I'm engaged 

16. I have to beautiful girls 

17. I first went to college on a legal secretarial course but dropped out 

18. I met My Tommy online 

19. I'm 21 years old 

20. I was 17 years when I fell pregnant with Ava 18 when I gave birth 

22. I was 20 when I fell pregnant with Bella 21 when I gave birth

23. I have 1 brother and 1 sister 

24. I have bluey green eyes 

25. I have 7 tattoos a couple only small 

26. I have three nephews 1 niece

27. I love a bath with a lush bath bomb

28. I really don't like pineapple, lamb or green peppers the all make me feel sick

29. I love reading real life mags!

30. I had a nephrostamy tube in my right kidney to drain it while I was pregnant, I had a bag straped to my leg 

31. I'm an eminem fan 

32. I've loved Britney Spears since I was little

33. I was bullied In secondary school 

34. I have a nose and lip piercing 

35. I prefer hot weather 

36. My favourite coffee is a latte 

37. I prefer to wear liquid eyeliner than pencil 

38. I enjoy blogging with my fav sister in law Katie 

39. I've had two dogs, two hamsters and loads of fish for pets (at different times lol) 

40. I have size 5 feet

41. I am a shortie ( best things come in small packages ) ha ha 

42. I'm more of a shoe girl than a bag girl :) 

43. I'm more of an evening person 

44. I was very close to my grandad when he was Alive 

45. I lost my nan and grandad when I was young and my other grandad 3 years ago I still have my other nan with us 

46. I'm more of a daddy's girl that a mummy's girl

47. I've rode a camel 3 times one time pregnant 

48. I got severe stage fright at a tap dancing show when I was little and have never done it again since 

49. I have a vein on the side that was prominent when I was little bit only comes out from time to time when I'm angry or upset, I got bullied about it when I was young 

50. I love my family to pieces they are my world my everything. I am a family girl. 

Well there you go 50 facts about me! It was hard thinking of so many but fun:) I hope you all feel like you know me better now :)! And hope you enjoyed learning 50 facts about me! 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

Blogmas Day Three

Day 3 of December..

last night I had terrible insomnia and I was having small naps for like 20/30 mins at a time and at 6.30 am I finally decided to just get up for the day. Weirdly had a massive burst on energy and started cleaning my room to declutting my wardrobes/draws, wiping the floor/furniture, sorted storage out, hoovering downstairs and then we had a spare fake Christmas tree which is black and I decided to put it up although we have only a handful of ball balls but never the least I put in up near the dinning area. It looks abit bare but am going to the shop tomorrow or next week to get some lights and more decorations. We decided to chuck away both of our fake crap trees when Xmas is over and start buying Real Christmas trees!! For this black tree we are going for a white/cream and red theme. 

Please excuse the lack of effort on decoration but it will look amazing next week for sure.

To make good use of lighting and background today, I done a mini photo shoot with the Dogs seeing as I found two red bows to put on their collars haha. With the help of treats I managed to take a few beautiful pictures of our baby boys... Be prepared for cuteness lol  

I know I would say this because they are my dogs but aint they the most beautiful dogs ever!! Buster is a Black Lab crossed collie whose birthday is tomorrow and is turning 12 years old and then there is Bobby who is a Tanned and White Jack Russel Terrier who is 5 years old. I love getting them into the Christmas spirit and stupidly they will always sit there letting me put on Xmas hat's and bows ect lol. 

Not much else has happened today apart from the burst of energy this morning which meant by lunch time I totally crashed and slept for 2 hours and haven't really felt awake since. My Brother popped in after work and before he went to travel back to Essex which was lovely seeing him. Tonight Im going to sit in bed, watch Chelsea who are playing spurs tonight also watch Im a Celeb because I LOVE that show and drink lots of coffee to keep me going lol. Tomorrow Me & My mother plan to walk to Costa which has not long ago opened not far from us and then have a walk to the local shops so nothing exciting but glad to get out for some fresh air. So I hope I sleep at least 4 hours sleep tonight otherwise I will be walking like an Zombie!!! Hope your December month is going well so far :)

Love Katie 

xx 

Blogmas Day Two

2nd day of December.. 

Yesterday my Mother put up the Christmas tree which is a crap skinny white tree so its safe to say she get 0 out of 10 for effort!! Because Im not feeling Christmas this year, I don't care about the tree!! If Ava was living here I would of went all out and got a real tree, hundreds of lights and decorations because kids make Christmas million times better. 

This is my Advent Calender this year haha. Last year in September I gave up Fizzy drinks, Crisps and chocolate so I had a Yankee Candle advent calender which was amazing but I didn't get much use out of the tea lights you get in there and mostly my Mother used them so this year I knew I wasn't going to get this years version but I left it too late to buy the Benefit make up one or the body shop one Damn!!! So I got this in the poundshop which came with a few chalk and its actually quite cute and is a nice decoration to my room. Im still trying to find a small Christmas tree for my room but they are sold out everywhere GRRR. 

And here are my dogs advent calenders hahaha!! I get them these every year and now after they go for their morning wee and water after they both wait in the lounge for me to open these haha!!! Im now on the hunt for some doggy xmas clothing because that is what Christmas and cute dogs are about!!!! DRESSING UP!!!! lol 


Not much has happened today. Last night I wrapped a few of Ava's Christmas pressies up and I thought I would have a quick hour cat nap because I was feeling pain from back but it ended up to be an 5 hours sleep!! Today, I've woken up in pain so nothing much has happened. Bethany had a scan today to check if Bella is okay and Bella was fine :) She now weighs 6lbs 15oz so now it is just a waiting game. I'm off to Beth's this weekend in Essex as it is Ava's 3rd birthday so Im hoping Bella makes a early appearance then haha!!! I spoken to Beth last night and she said she will be taking over Blogmas some days which will be good as I find Beth is the most creative person with her words and I'm more of the technical side of the blog lol. Also some blogmas will be done via our iphones and some by my laptop.You will tell by the content tbh but we will try our best to make sure each post are least interesting to read!! 


Love Katie 
xx 

This Week : Exhaustion/Emotion

This week by Katie..

This picture explains how we all including the dogs have felt this week..

Oh Jesus what are stressful week!! Exciting things happen like my getting an iPhone 6 (my upgrade) and getting more Xmas pressies for everyone but then Beth got rushed to hospital and then I found out my operation is on 24th December yes Christmas Eve.


Beth is now out of hospital and is alot better so now it is just a waiting game on Bella and Beth got to keep an eye on her breathing as if it continues she has to go straight back to hospital. It has been so weird not being close to her while she was in hospital as last time it happened she was living in Windsor, So I was around to look after Ava and had regular updates on Beth and Bella but it was quite difficult with the hospital being in Essex this time. 

My operation!!! ARGHHH. So I knew I was expecting to get a call or a letter to tell me when Im having it done but my Specialist did say it 80% chance of it being in the new year as its close to Xmas... Well I obviously was in that 20% of having the operation this year. Its nothing to do with my back and its abit too much detail to go into the actual op itself but I'm kind of glad now it will be before the new year so then next year I will just have my Back to concentrate on. I actually have zero plans for Xmas eve and day so the op hasn't bothered me but at first I was like OMG!!! Although it is day surgery, I don't get into hospital til pm so there a likely I might have to stay in overnight if anything goes wrong ect but waking up in hospital on Xmas day will defiantly be different!!! 

Getting an iPhone 6!!! Now my upgrade on my iPhone 5 was due over 2 months ago but I generally kept forgetting to go into a Vodafone shop to sort it out. I knew I wanted an Iphone 6 and also knew I would have to pay £99 for the phone as my Iphone 5 was abit old, the buttons were either broken, slow or on the way to die and also was full of scratches. So I saved up money to get the phone, but I didn't expect Vodafone buy back to want my phone for £70 so I only ended up paying £29!! Tbh the phone aint much difference from the 5 but the battery, camera and screen is alot better!! I got the spray grey one and have a lovely mint green case for it. 

I had a few gifts left to buy for Ava's 3rd birthday which is on 6th December, and while I had to wait for my phones to be sorted I had an hour to spare and luckily I found and got everything I wanted for Ava birthday gifts and also more stuff for her Christmas. Maybe I will do a blog post on how I done her birthday and Christmas as their only 2 weeks apart. I decided her birthday was peppa pig themed pressies and Christmas is Frozen themed pressies and it has worked out to be sooo easy and enjoyable to buy.


I did plan to get back into blogging a few times a week this week but I can't seem to find the motivation and passion for it lately. I might do a post on how low I've been feeling and how it has effect so much of my life lately. Here is just a quick update/this week kinda of post. I don't think Beth will be continuing her Pregnant update post as she isn't very well, shes busy and also Bella is expecting to come any day soon but I will speak to her and plan a blog post for when Bella is born. Hope you all are well and are getting into the Christmas spirit :) 

Lots of love
Katie xx 
  

A Blog Update

Where have we been?

So few weeks ago we had no other choice than to take a break on our blog due to many reasons which can't be said online. But Me and Bethany are not living in the same house at the moment and where Beth is, she hasn't got a laptop or WIFI so she has been doing her best to keep up to date with her pregnancy update via her phone and rubbish wifi. I obviously have got access to laptop and internet but past few weeks I have been extremely down, ill and lack of motivation to even switch on the laptop. I didn't want to write a blog post just for the sake of it. Hopefully in the early months of 2015 we should have our blog back it's normal 2 blog post a day but for now we will be trying our hardest to keep you up to date with Beth's pregnancy and also few other random post. 

With Beth being back in Essex and me being in Windsor it has meant we haven't seen each other at all over the past weeks which has been so so weird as we were so used to living with each other daily. Not only is Beth my soon to be Sister In Law but she is also my closest friend so it has been hard without her also not having my Niece and Brother around has been so lonely. So the post we use to write together will obviously be taking abit of a break but hopefully our separate updates and other blog post will start again and be back to normal in the new year. 


Essex To Windsor will hopefully and we hope will be back to normal in 2015 where we hope will a new fresh start for all of us and for our blog. We apologies in advance if some days or weeks there is no content and obviously with Bella due any day soon, Ava's 3rd birthday, Christmas and My operation/health there will be days/weeks when it's impossible to write. Sorry!!! 


Lots Of Love,

Katie xx 

Throwback Thursdays - Nursery/Pre School

Throwback Thursday

Nursery/Preschool

This week being Ava's first week back at nursery school after the half term we though it would be a good idea for nursery to be our throwback theme. Though quite a long throwback and limited pictures due to them getting misplaced over the years we thought it would be quite a nice theme. Its quite nice to reminisce about the innocent times of our lives. 

Its now we see how easy life was back then when being kids. Both of us have very good  memories about being in nursery, we remember the things we used to do and play and the people who we went with. Its amazing the things your mind chooses  to remember. 

Beth

Beth in her pre school days

I have many memories about pre school. Some of the best to be honest. That was back in the day when I hadn't a care in the world. I was an innocent child who went to school to play and make friends. Much how Ava probably feels now. I remember one day at pre school where they had a donkey come and we all took turns in riding this donkey. I cant remember why exactly they had the donkey turn up, I just remember how I felt. I remember looking up at the animal thinking wow. To me it was so big, and something I had never really seen before. I couldn't wait to  have a go riding the donkey even though it was a short ride it filled me with most wonderful excitement. This makes me realise about children. That the simplest of things when they are new give children a lot of excitement the unknown to them is not scary its exciting. So why now does the unknown scare us adults? That is now a question in my mind. Where does the fear of the unknown develop from?

Katie & Tommy

Katie & Tommy at Pre School 

Mine and Tommy's pre school was called Teddy's and my most remembered memory was having "Teddy Bear Picnic" where each child would take a teddy bear each and go onto the field near pre school and have a picnic. I also remember my Mother being at every pre school outing as she would always come with the staff and other mums. I have abit of a memory block from that age and a few blips from my childhood, I think because when me and Tommy first started out first school, a few months into it we Moved to Windsor to start another school so our friends and surrounding changed alot so for young kids I think I sort of blocked my life previous to Windsor. But that is my most remember memory from pre school. Because of this I always want to make sure we take loads of pictures, drawings and videos of Ava during pre school so she can remember lots when she is older. 

Its quite  good thinking about your life in the past no matter how far back, just to see where your life is now and how much has changed. There are always good and bad memories but there are a lot of memories that are special and that filled us with joy in our childhood that we all would never change...

Lots Of Love 

Katie & Beth...xxx