Feeling alone By Katie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling alone

 

 

At the weekend my health messed up a family fun day Saturday which made me rather sad and couldn't help but feel alone! 

When you have chronic illness you feel so alone. When I say alone I mean because I have no one in my family that suffers with a chronic illness similar to mine so it's genuinely hard to talk out loud about my health as they do not understand. Alone because most family birthdays meals I cannot attend because I'm either in a bad flare or can't eat anything on the menu so I'm left at home alone and I end up feeling so isolated. The one thing that really upsets me about missing family occasions is when I get certain family members saying that I'm choosing to not go out and that I don't want to socialise which couldn't be further from the truth. Of course I want to go out, attend all family meals or events and socialise but I've realised that you HAVE to put yourself and your health first. I've spent many times sitting in a restaurant putting on a totally different mask and acting fine when in reality I'm sitting there with stomach cramps, my joints are in crippling pain and my eyes are wanting to close from severe fatigue. The smile I put on in those situations is totally fake. How can I smile when I'm in so much pain. Sometimes putting on an mask and a fake smile doesn't  work in my favour! Unfortunately It makes some of my family members think that I am absolutely fine and that I am lying about being ill. It leaves me thinking what is the lesser of two evils? Grinning and bearing the family meal in crippling pain or putting myself first and not going and facing the criticism of some not so understanding family members.

 

The weekend just gone, I planned to go to Battersea Old Windsor Fun day on the Saturday with Beth, my nieces and my brother, we planned this ages ago and we was all looking forward to it. The evening before I got ready to have an early night then all of a sudden my colitis really flared up big time to the point where I was on the toilet from 10pm until 7.40am so I was incredibly exhausted from just running back and forward to the bathroom. At 8am I thought lets get an hours sleep so I can have some energy for the day out but soon as I closed my eyes, my bowel had other ideas meaning I had no other choice than to cancel the plans and stay in bed instead. I was so exhausted and the toilet trips continued till Saturday evening and I was home alone so I felt even worse and more alone. 

Luckily I have my three dogs who drive me mental but they follow me to the toilet, cuddle me on the sofa, always by my side in bed and make me laugh. I am so glad that I live with my Mother, something I thought at 24 years old that I wouldn't say but honestly I couldn't be without her. 

I really hope that my health starts to improve as I hate missing out on all these family events, I will be sure to keep you all update on my health and my story.

until next time

Katie x

Where Have We Been?!?

 

What Happened To Us?

 

I suppose you can say us and our blog dropped off the radar. You would be right. We stopped blogging suddenly with no warnings, not even to ourselves. I know what many people will be thinking, what makes two young girls who are seemingly very happy just stop? If we were from the outside reading our blogs we would be thinking the same. But from personal experience we can both say there can be many reasons, some being life events that you just can't see coming. The reasons to our disappearing act will be explained in depth in future posts. But we can now give you some sort of understanding.  

 

 

Katie

 

 

As you would have knew before we stopped blogging Katie had a number of health problems, a couple being ulcerative colitis and Ankylosing spondylitis. In the past few months Katie's condition has not started to improve she has got a little worse. Katie has been on different painkillers for her increasing pain, she is trying to find the right pain relief to get to her pain. She is also having flare ups very often now. Near enough every night. Safe to say she doesn't get much sleep. The side effects from medication, her illnesses and her lack of sleep have made her have severe fatigue. This leaves her felling pretty poo! she cant pluck up the energy to sit and blog ect. As you can imagine due to her illness and the effects they have on her life it gets her down leading to an on going battle with depression, unfortunately until her health starts to improve her depression prob wont either. She is very much the second half of this blog so I wish her well very soon!!!

 

 

Beth

 

 

 

 

Now we come to me, Beth. The reasons for me were all pretty much new. I had moved to a new town, I have been trying to adjust and settle in both for me and my children. This became my number one priority. It wasn't easy, It was a whole life adjustment for a number of reasons which will be explained in a future blog post. I have now also been diagnosed with depression. This is very hard to talk about. I don't like talking about it, but I feel I now have to share my experiences to help both me and anyone else that have also got it.

 

 

These reasons are the background of the fact we disappeared. I look forward into going into more detail. Katie still  isn't feeling 100% as I explained she maybe doing the odd post when she feels up to It, she is still very much involved in the blog just behind the scenes a bit more at the moment.

 

I can't wait to you are back doing regular posts Katie!!

 

 

WE ARE BACK!!!

 

LotsOfLove

Beth....xxx

Katie's Health Update #7

I didn't realize my last health update post was in March!! OPPS. I did write some health update HERE in May in a life lately post but I haven't really gone into detail about everything health wise.

image from pinterest 

COLITIS
I haven't really got any updates on my Colitis as I am still waiting on having another appointment with my specialist. I'm on Asacol 400mg twice a day which have been working but in the past two months I have been having flare ups more often than I was before. My symptoms of this is abdominal pain, blood loss when passing stools and loss of appetite. I feel sort of stuck as in March I was diagnosed put on medication and that is it, I am still waiting for a follow up to get more answers. 

AS/ARTHRITIS
It's been over a year since I was diagnosed with Ankylosin Spondylitis which I wrote about HERE and to be honest I have literally only just been able to learnt to cope with it. My symptoms are back pain, stiffness, joint pain with most recent being my right write and fatigue which makes me have zero energy. I'm on Co-codamol 30mg/500mg  x 2 three times a day, Tramadol 50mg x 2 twice a day and my latest medication is called Gabapentin 100mg x 2 three times a day and also Voltarol Gel which I apply to my back every night before bed and also on any joints which aches/when needed. It is alot to remember and I'm forever going back and forwards to the doctors and chemist but touch wood this medication routine is doing the best it can do. That isn't to say it don't hurt because it bloody hurts so much but I think I am getting better at dealing with the pain. I wake up every morning stiff without doubt and it takes about anything between a hour to two hours before I'm not stiff. Hot water bottles are my best friend when I'm having a bad flare up but also a good old cry helps haha. The fatigue and lack of energy has been the biggest thing to deal with lately. Although my insomnia has gone which means I am getting a good amount of sleep and waking up at 8 am every morning without fail, I am feeling so tired and no energy during the day and lately I have been making myself stay awake and do something because before I was going up to my bed and falling asleep and not waking up til early hours of morning which was making me crazy. 


Other illnesses stuff.. I will do another post on my depression, anxiety and panic attacks otherwise this post will be so long ha. Although it has been a few months since my last health update, not much has changed to be honest. Apart from one new medication, colitis getting worse and pain in wrist. I have an health assessment next month which I am very worried about to be honest, even though I know I'm clearly not well to work but I panic sooooo much. If anyone has had or have any tips on this assessment please let me know. This no energy is meaning I am taking double the time to do simple tasks so a normal few hours of basic housework lately is taking me a whole day. Once my morning Tramadol kicks in I literally try and do some housework and literally soon as I feel the painkillers wearing off I will stop and try and rest but some days the painkillers don't do their job. Another example is this post, now this would usually not take me long but I started at lunch time, had to sit down for over an hour then I have to sit up and down and so on and now it is 4pm so 4 hours to do this post grrrrr. I promise I will not leave my next health update for so long next time :)


Love Katie x 

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