My Mind And Me - Getting sorted

Getting Sorted

So here I am taking my antidepressants like a good girl, 40mg I was on a high dose. At that point it hit me that I really had a problem, I was depressed and I needed help. Like all antidepressants you have to wait for them to kick in, sometimes its like waiting for a train you've already missed. I was quite aware that I couldn't go on the way I was, not for one more second so even though I was on medication and although I had to give it time before I noticed a difference, I needed extra help. That's when my health visitor referred me to Talking Therapies, a wonderful service of counselling provided by the NHS in Berkshire. I would have 6-8 sessions to get to the root of my problem, because it was NHS based ect and the high amount of people that needed the service you were given a certain amount of sessions.

I was up for it, I think I would have took any help at the time. The first step was a telephone assessment. This made my anxiety so bad, I suffer with telephone anxiety you see and this was my idea of a nightmare. I thought so many times about ignoring the phone call or just cancelling. These thoughts went round and round in my head for the week that I waited, It was like a Ferris wheel in my head, for that entire week I was on edge and as you might have guessed that played to my depressions advantage. I was so relieved  when I got it out the way and optimistic as I had been given a date for my first session. Optimistic for the first few days after getting it more like. As the date got closer the more nervous I got and the more I questioned whether I actually needed to go. I thought old thoughts of I can sort this out myself despite trying and failing miserably beforehand.

On the morning of my first appointment I was ok, I don't think it seemed real and I was busy being a mummy to think about the days events, I also had Katie with me that distracted me too. Katie was really good she booked the cab and gave me a big help in hand getting the girls sorted because as it came to getting ready to go I could feel myself physically shaking. I could feel my breath getting short and myself not thinking straight, I could feel my eyes wanting to leak and I knew what was coming. A panic attack. I needed to stop it because I new if I went into a full attack I wouldn't go, I'd slump  back down into the sofa and pretend I was ok. To calm me down I took a couple of propanadol (tablets for anxiety) which I had previously been prescribed. They do work a treat but on that day they only scraped the edge off as my anxiety was through the roof. Still I put on a brave face for my children and tried to have fun and make them laugh as much as I could in the cab there, may I add the cab driver got lost, that was all I needed.

It was like the walk of doom walking through the hospital to where talking therapies was based. I felt like I was walking into a trap of my own thoughts, feelings and memories. I'm not silly I know what happens  in counselling, you have to talk about things that had happened in the past. If you were to ask me if I were ready to open up about my past I would have said, for my family to have a better person to live with, yes of course I was ready but for me not I wasn't ready, I felt like holding back because the thought of bringing up old memories seemed harder to live with than the depression. I bet you wondered what made me go in and not run a mile, well my family for one, I wasn't going to let them down and maybe I needed to confront my past head on, like confronting a fear. I knew the key to getting better was hid in my memories I just needed to find it.

As I sat on the chair, I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights, I didn't know what to say where to look what to do. Luckily for me It wasn't going to be the nitty gritty of a proper counselling session, this first one was just about going over my assessment, unfortunately we did touch on my past a bit. When it came to it I hesitated, I stuttered I tried to open up a couple of times. I really did try, my mouth would open but nothing would come out it was like someone had put me on mute. Something strange then happened, it was as though someone inside gave me a shove and all of a sudden I was taken off mute and words kept pouring out. You couldn't stop me. Before I knew it the first session was over. It weren't even a proper session it was just an assessment but I felt something had been lifted from me.

I remember feeling good after that day, I felt really positive for the next week and I actually found myself looking forward to my first proper session. But was my positive attitude about to change as I come closer to my first proper nitty gritty down to business counselling session.

Watch out for My Mind And Me next week

Thanks for reading

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

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Our Time At Bucklebury Farm

 

Review For Bucklebury Farm Park

 

 

 

This time last week we were gearing up for an spectacular Sunday at Bucklebury Farm Park. We were going to submerge ourselves into farm antics getting up close and personal with all the farmyard animals. Having children that are keen animal lovers I knew that they were going to have the time of their lives. Like everyone before a day out we had to prepare, though we thought sod it to preparing food we don't do it very often so we was going to have the full shebang and eat there too. However we made sure we had change in our pockets for a car parking fee as we had been in the no money for car parking situation too many times. We had to have double the change as going on this outing was myself, Tommy, the two girls, Katie and my father in law so obviously we would need to take two cars, corr parking was going to be tight. Would there be enough spaces? 

You know what I hate? I hate farms that are like in the centre of everything, you know right next to town, I mean come on could you get more unrealistic and fake made farm than that? That's what I was gearing up for  in all honestly, but hey ho it was for my girls who cares what I wanted. We set off for the twenty minuet journey, this was the most bizarre twenty minuet journey of my life! as we were getting further and further into our journey we started getting surrounded buy more and more green, you would have thought we had travelled hours, that's what made it so surreal, how could 10 minuets ago we be in a busy city but now we are simply in the middle of nowhere. I thought I was walking into an emmerdale scene. It was beautiful. We pulled into the farm and came across a good sized car park, it was busy but had plenty of spaces, to my absolute joy the car parking was free! Typical the time we come somewhere car park prepared we don't need to,  I weren't complaining though!

Upon entering the farm I felt as though I needed my wellies on, not because it was muddy or any thing (though can imagine on a wet day it would be wise, its a farm what do expect!) but because it felt like I was on a private farm, I was expecting Zak Dingle to pop round the corner at anytime. The first thing to greet us where chickens! followed by a donkey, a great start before we paid. Getting further into the farm it was clear this was a proper working farm, stocking produce as well. When going to pay you have to walk through the little farm shop. The shop being smaller that expected but to be honest I later realised they don't really need one! It is clear to see that the place is more fun than all about the merchandise like usual places like this. The only problem I would say is its a bit awkward paying for tickets in the shop as it distracts the children a tad. We were lucky enough for my father in law to be treating us, I did feel guilty as looking at the place I thought it was going to cost him close to £100, for four adults and two children that's what to expect these days, delightfully it only cost him £40ish for us all. I still felt guilty as I always do when someone else paid but I didn't feel as bad.

The farm is very easy to follow, a good natural pathway that takes you from animal to animal ensuring you don't miss any! I don't know about you but I hate panicking that I'm going to miss things and constantly having to check the map to make sure I have seen it all. We had earlier bough some animal food (at reception) that costs around £0.60, bargain! This food can be used to feed all animals apart from the ponies so this was a result. The girls had a lot of fun sticking their hands through the fence, feeding the goats in particular. I know they do warn that all animals have the tendency to bite ect and of course are unpredictable, but all the animals we come across where very friendly. We went through the animal part in usain bolt style. Quick but enjoyable. It is obviously a bright idea to ensure you wash your hands after contact with the animals, but don't worry there are taps, soap and hand towels available just by the animals. We was earlier providde with a timetable of things including, egg collecting, tractor ride, animal petting ect I looked and thought I cant wait to do all these. That was until Ava found the park.

Park. You may think how standard. No. It was farm set and not typical. There were swings climbing tractors ect. Then a favourite with the kids, A wooden castle! The children would go inside and either go all the way to the top or stop half way and go down the fireman's polls. This kept Ava entertained for ages! Next to it was a sand pit which I noticed was keeping a lot of kids happy, Though Ava wanted to go on the indoor slides before lunch instead. What great fun. There where two slides in which you have to use the sac provided and two drop slides at two different heights. It looked so much fun that I wanted to go on them myself.

Lunch time!! Two choices. A posh burger van, which seemed a bit pricey, but the food did look worth it or the café, a rather posh one at that. I did think oh gosh, but actually they had affordable food on there. The sandwiches costing between £4.00 - £5.00 and the baguettes between £5.00 - £6.00 with a range of fillings to suit all. May I take the time to say how amazing the kids chicken nuggets and chips are! The portion size was plenty I could have had it, homemade and they were delicious!. They also provide the adults as kids portion with 20% off the price. All the food was fresh and well worth the £40. Yes that's right £40 for all 6 of us including drinks!. Though  if you want an after dinner coffee I wouldn't recommend it at £2 for a tiny cup I would stick to soft beverages.

We finished lunch in time for my favourite bit, the tractor ride! I don't know why I was so excited, I wasn't expecting anything special just a ride round the farm, but it just shouted fun to me. That's when the surprise really happened. The tractor ride took us into a who new bit of the farm, big green beautiful fields with stunning views and deer sitting in the middle. To my delight that was were the tractor was taking us. The tractor man who by the was very knowledgeable and taught us a lot (I was very impressed) Gave us buckets of food to feed the deer with. The deer came up close to the tractor and where such lovely animals. It was an experience I would love to have again.

What could we do next, well, that's where I get on to the range of activities we did next. Provided was a big bouncy pillow thing, I don't know what I was but it was a hell of a lot of fun, little peddle go karts and some bikes in a separate area for the little ones, two goals and footballs provided and a play bus, which by the way was brilliant, a bus converted into a soft play. We had the best afternoon playing on all these things. Yes I did say we us adults to joined in. There was also a tire swing, zip wire and assault course. To be honest I thought you would have to pay extra for all these bits but you didn't which makes it even more perfect. I honestly felt like I had relived my childhood, I didn't want the day to end. No I didn't do as much on the timetable as I would of liked to but that's for another day, I was too busy having fun elsewhere. I also noticed an area in which you can take picnics if you don't wish to buy food. After a quick trip to the shop for Ava it was time for us to sadly set off home with two knackered children and rather worn out adults!

If your looking for some affordable fun this summer then I would defiantly recommend Bucklebury Farm park. Its got beautiful scenery, friendly staff whom I cant fault and fun for everyone. I give it a thumbs up and five stars. Bucklebury Farm I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Until next time our lovely readers

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

 

Where Have We Been?!?

 

What Happened To Us?

 

I suppose you can say us and our blog dropped off the radar. You would be right. We stopped blogging suddenly with no warnings, not even to ourselves. I know what many people will be thinking, what makes two young girls who are seemingly very happy just stop? If we were from the outside reading our blogs we would be thinking the same. But from personal experience we can both say there can be many reasons, some being life events that you just can't see coming. The reasons to our disappearing act will be explained in depth in future posts. But we can now give you some sort of understanding.  

 

 

Katie

 

 

As you would have knew before we stopped blogging Katie had a number of health problems, a couple being ulcerative colitis and Ankylosing spondylitis. In the past few months Katie's condition has not started to improve she has got a little worse. Katie has been on different painkillers for her increasing pain, she is trying to find the right pain relief to get to her pain. She is also having flare ups very often now. Near enough every night. Safe to say she doesn't get much sleep. The side effects from medication, her illnesses and her lack of sleep have made her have severe fatigue. This leaves her felling pretty poo! she cant pluck up the energy to sit and blog ect. As you can imagine due to her illness and the effects they have on her life it gets her down leading to an on going battle with depression, unfortunately until her health starts to improve her depression prob wont either. She is very much the second half of this blog so I wish her well very soon!!!

 

 

Beth

 

 

 

 

Now we come to me, Beth. The reasons for me were all pretty much new. I had moved to a new town, I have been trying to adjust and settle in both for me and my children. This became my number one priority. It wasn't easy, It was a whole life adjustment for a number of reasons which will be explained in a future blog post. I have now also been diagnosed with depression. This is very hard to talk about. I don't like talking about it, but I feel I now have to share my experiences to help both me and anyone else that have also got it.

 

 

These reasons are the background of the fact we disappeared. I look forward into going into more detail. Katie still  isn't feeling 100% as I explained she maybe doing the odd post when she feels up to It, she is still very much involved in the blog just behind the scenes a bit more at the moment.

 

I can't wait to you are back doing regular posts Katie!!

 

 

WE ARE BACK!!!

 

LotsOfLove

Beth....xxx

A Diet Challenge - Week 1

Katie - Brevile Smoothy Diet

A week into the diet challenge and I've failed already by not even starting it. I did mentioned in the first post that I was going to start after I got the food items at the weekend but last Friday I got diagnosed with Colitis so I haven't really been up to anything to be honest. I opened the box but I haven't yet to even test it out. I've started getting a few stuff for it but I want to start once I've got everything so let's hope next week update I will have something to actually update you all on and would of started it. Fingers crossed.

Bethany - Slimfast Diet

So a week in!! It all started so well wasn't feeling any hunger ect at the beginning but I did have a water infection when I stated and I go off my food when I have them anyway so that could be why!! I went away at the welend Friday to Monday I ain't going to lie I slipped up! Who wouldn't when they are away with their family??  I'm starting to feel so hungry now I think it's because I'm due a period and as us women know it bloats us out and makes us wanna snack like crazy! It can also play part to weight when weighing ourselves. Bad news I ain't really lost anything but good news is I ain't put anything on. Maybe I will feel better when I start to see results eh. I think the moral of the story here is don't start a diet till after your holiday and if your due a period just after you start you may wana wait till after! 

I hope for  a better week this week though with the up coming period I don't expect the scales to be nicer next week

I get so bloated when it's that time of the month! 

LotsOfLove

Katie & Beth...xxx

Will I Ever Be A Mummy?

image from pinterest 

When growing up, most girls dream of the fairy tale story meeting the man of your dream, having a large family living in a nice big house. Then you soon realise in your late teens none of that above happens. To some it might happen but I'd say for most of us it doesn't. When I was 17 I fell in love pretty quick and gotten into an deep serious relationship and I was completely head over heels and I truly believed I met the "one". Oh how wrong I was!! At that time I believed I was going to be with this man for the rest of my life so getting pregnant and having a family wasn't a bad idea, of course we spoken about kids names and things like that but we never actually planned 100% but then again we used nothing to stop it happening if that makes sense. To us we thought if it happened it happened as we thought we was going to be with each other for life. 

From the day I started my period, it was hell. I always had heavy painful periods. I was being seen by gyne's and other specialist since I was 14. I was given the pill for a few years but later realised I was actually allergic to it so it never done anything to me. One day around the time I was with this guy, I had a real bad bleed and although I was having bad periods then I knew in my mind this was something more. I felt weird at the time and your body knows if there if a difference. I went to the doctors and I wasn't expecting for him to say what he said. He said I suffered an miscarriage. But I didn't even know I was pregnant and he said its just "one of those things" like it was nothing to him, looking back I guess hes job is to tell us straight but for an 17 year old girl to hear those words was quite hard to take in. But it came at the worse time possible, in the same week my boyfriend at the time ended things unexpectedly. I was totally heart broken and fell into an deep depression and even suicidal. I just didn't know to to cope. So I didn't have any time to even think about the miscarriage to be honest. This happened in February 2010 and if Im honest its taken a good few years to get over and realise things. Anyways, my GP sent me off for an Laparoscopy for many different reasons. The results was that I only have one ovary and many other things which could be a reason why I find it hard to get pregnant. During the Laparoscopy they inserted an Coil to help with my periods. Obviously it also used an a protection towards pregnancy but I was single and I didn't have any plans to get pregnant so I didn't mind having the coil. 

Now that coil was possibly the worse choice I've ever made in my life. It caused non stop problems to which I was never told or warned about. Although it did actually stop my periods ,I eventually had it taken out for medical reasons. I made the decision to not have/take any other form of contraception as I wasn't in a relationship and to best honest I needed to give my body as rest. A few months after I had the coil out I gotten into a relationship. It wasn't as deep serious relationship to be honest so I instantly went and got the implant in my arm but this is when the bad luck started again.

I was starting to feel quite ill, and at this point I wasn't having an period as since the coil it ruined me and stopped my periods. Same as before I had a big bleed but I honestly thought it was down to the implant so I went to the doctors weeks later as I didn't think nothing of it. I remember this so well it was a Monday I went to the doctors but at this point I was no longer with this boyfriend as we went our separate ways but the doctor done tests and told me I was pregnant. I was shocked!! I had no clue or idea tbh as I had the implant and thought I would know it I felt "pregnant" if that makes sense. I had no idea how many weeks I was so my GP booked me into an early scan the week later which shown I was 8/10 weeks gone. By this time me and this guy wasn't on speaking terms and made it impossible to get hold of. I didn't want to but my only option was to text him as he wasn't answering calls. I was an adult and told him as I thought he deserved to know and he made the decision right there and then via text he didn't want to know me/baby or anything to do with pregnancy and wished us "dead". So I mentally prepared to be strong in an instant, I think knowing you have a baby inside you and being alone its makes you strong for the baby and no one else. By this point my Mother was the only other person to know. At that scan they wanted to see me in two weeks to be sure as they had some concerns not majorly but they wanted to be sure. I had mixed weird feelings, I didn't feel or look pregnant, I had no close friends or family to speak to and the whole idea of a "family" was totally gone. Those two weeks wait for the next scan was the longest time on my life. Of course I wanted to know why I was pregnant while having the implant but as we all know nothing is 100%. I wouldn't say I was sad or happy I was feeling weird mixed emotions. Abortions wasn't an option and it NEVER will be, I wanted this baby so much. So a family wasn't going to happen but me and this baby was going to. I had worries of being told they have concerns but I made plans in my head incase things was okay. 


Two weeks came, I went to the scan alone. I remember my Mother couldn't get time off work. I saw the same person I've seen for years who does scans and went into the same room, I never felt so nervous in my life. The worse happened. I was told I miscarried. Again. For the second time of my life. Two years after my first miscarriage. But this time felt harder to accepted. The first time I didn't know I was pregnant and this time I knew for a few weeks but I had plans and wanted the baby so much. I told the "dad" via his sister as by this point he had a new phone. I never heard from him which proves what sort of dad he would of been like. Someone at the time told me things happen for a reason, which at the time I didn't believe, I just wanted to be a mum and have my baby. But over the years since I have realised things do happen for a reason, someone was telling me that either my body or myself wasn't ready ect there must of been a reason. I have an implant in now, still don't get periods, never been told why I lose my two babies and been told its just one of those "things". I had to wait til Im 25 years old to get loads of test if I still have problems then.


The thought of never being a Mother and having my own family scares me. ALOT! It is something I think about daily but I never tell anyone. I think having two beautiful Nieces keeps me sane. I have never been jealous of pregnant women or people who have kids as it's no ones fault but naturally I always think what if ect. I always felt guilty for crying about the past, but I only recently learnt that crying once in a while is okay. I've sort of accepted that if I never be a mother than its okay, Im a Auntie to the most two beautiful girls in the world who I love so much and always will be. My Mother didn't fall pregnant with me til she was 28 and after she had me and my Brother she had an miscarriage and also tried with her now husband and can't have anymore kids so I obviously get it from my Mother. But knowing she got two kids sort of keeps me going, maybe my body is telling me I need to get healthy before I have a baby in a few years. Im not in a relationship right now and whenever I meet a man I just want to get to know him and have fun making memories. Saying all of that I don't want to jump into a relationship and have a baby ASAP, that I s the last thing that I want. But if things happen to happen that way then as I've said before things do happen for a reasons. I know I have fertility problems/history of miscarriages so I have to be realistic that I might have so much trouble or it might never happen. I have always said "there are people much more worse of than me" and I like to live by that quote. I think for me to even be alive and breathing is enough, Okay I have many health problems that I wish not to have and life is probably the worse it has been in terms of luck ect but right now Im lucky. It has taken me a good two years to realise all of this stuff and I think being around Beth throughout most of her pregnancy made me realise this. Im so blessed to of been living with her throughout most of her pregnancy, be with her during her midwife and specialist appointments, Her 3D scan and generally being with her. I truly hope my Brother and Beth have more kids so I can have more nieces or nephews, Im also lucky enough to get on with Beth. It makes life so much easier. 

At first I never told rest of my Family apart from my Mother, but when I did they made me feel like it was my fault. As I mentioned in my post HERE that my family are not very supportive. That is why my second miscarriage was harder because I had no one around me at all. Yes I had my Mother who been through the same experience but it was something we never spoken about, maybe because it was too hard for us both to talk about it. Since then I've had alot of therapy and last year having Beth around has helped alot. I have alot to thank her for, she may not know how much she does for me. Just for her to listen, be there for me and she been through some stuff in her past same as me so we can understand each other. 

So I would be lying if I said Im not scared that I will never be a mummy because I am. Im worried. But over the years Im learning to deal with stuff alot better than before. I will come to that hurdle when I have a partner and we want a baby, I will at least be strong and know all the facts if or when that time comes. Have any one been through similar? Let me know or email me. It would be nice to have a chat with some people who understands.

Love Katie 
xx 

Twitter - Instagram  

50 Facts About Me By Katie

By the title this is my 50 facts about me. I've seen so many youtubers and bloggers do this either on YouTube, blogs and Instagram but I thought I would do it via our blog so yeah lets get on with it... 

1. My name is Katie Price (YES LIKE JORDAN)

2. I have an phobia of Fish (Dead or alive)

3. Im a dog person not a cat person

4. I have one small star tattoo on my left wrist

5. I lost both of my Granddads when I was 5 years old

6. I was servery bullied which lead to death threats in year 11 which left me to never return back to school

7. I support and love Chelsea FC

8. I suffer with panic attacks and anxiety 

9. My best years of my life was me, mother and Brother all living in a flat together (Life was easier/better then)

10. I wanted to be a Nurse in the army or an Estate Agent

11. I actually done Estate Agent as a placement and LOVED IT

12. I massively regret not getting a good education but it was down to that fact of being badly bullied

13. My Brother is literally just over 12 months younger than me

14. My Brother is my best friend 

15. Im not a morning person 

16. Im naturally a Blonde (Barbie Blonde aswell)

17. I was actually good at Maths, ICT and Geography and would of chosen them as a A LEVEL if I could

18. I have a large family both sides and grew up being close to them

19. Now most of my family have split up and now its an very small family (JEALOUSLY COMES WITH BEING A BIG FAMILY)

20. I've had bad luck with everything since I was 13 years old

21. I fell in love very young which ended not good but I don't regret a thing

22. I had a eating disorder when I was a teenager and still struggle with food

23. I love living in Windsor, can't see myself moving away yet

24. If/When I move it will be either local or in Essex way

25. My Dad is from and lives in Bristol 

26. My dad left when I was 7 years old and my Mother has brought me up alone

27. I've been to Devon twice a year for the past 7 years with family 

28. Im a APPLE addict and I will only own a Iphone lol

29. I've had 3 proper relationships 

30. Im obsessed with candles, cushions and make up 

31. I have slight OCD and clean my room "properly" every day

32. I have fertility problems

33. I've two miscarriages and worry I will never be a mum

34. Only in past few years I've been allergic to flour 

35. I have 19 cousins

36. I have to re do my bed every time in the night I get up.. meaning Move the pillows tidy up the duvet!! 

37. I have two Nieces who I adore and love so much

38. When I was 16 to 17 I went clubbing pretty much every weekend which has now made me hate clubs and getting drunk

39. My Guilty pleasure is Jeremy Kyle/USA version as it makes my life seem so much better haha 

40. I'm addicted to pink lucozade

41. I felt like I grew up too quick and hardly experience stuff most 16/17/18 years old do

42. My dad was a guardmen for Windsor Castle 

43. I LOVE anything from Lush, Cath Kidston and Soap and Glory 

44. Im too stubborn and hardly listen to people

45. Being from a Big family has made me want to always have a small family of my own and live away from the hassle

 

46. My best holiday was the Dominican Republic

47. I'd love to be a Mum in the next few years (Very much doubt it will happen tho)

48. Being in pain 24/7 with AS is so frustrating and feel like Im missing out on so much and find it hard to deal with

49. I HATE living so far away from my Brother, Sister in law and nieces 

50. Finally... I love writing a blog with Bethany and I'm so glad my brother is with someone I love and get on with so much. Proud to call her my sister in law 

Woah... that took ages!! I harder than you think to think of 50 facts about yourself. Im sure there is sooooo much more but I honestly just couldn't think of any exciting ones or maybe that means my life is just boring haha. I tag Bethany actually and everyone of course :) I like these relax random fun posts I might so some more. Maybe once a month thing ect. I get so carried away with the health or lifestyle post that its nice to take break from being serious and do fun random posts. Let me know if there is any tags you would like myself and Beth to do :) 

Love Katie x

Twitter - Instagram

Just a little message...

I have just read in full Katie's negative comment post. Sorry for the late read my dear! Busy few days. 

This post touched me. Katie you are my sister in law and my best friend and to know the pain you are feeling every day is upsetting as you don't deserve it. I know how you have those bad days In which you struggle to get up and it makes me shiver when people have the cheek to call you lazy. I know you can't help it and I know how down it makes you feel when people right your condition off. Just because it ain't heard of a lot does not mean it doesn't exist and is not painful. Some people are very stuck on their ways and will not open their eyes to difference. 

I read the part where your upset because it is only early stages. I know the thought is terrifying, but you have so many possitives. At the moment it's not as it's worse so you can appreciate being able to be active And spending time with the girls. 

For now and in the future I want you to know that I will always be here for you morning noon and night, supporting you. In any way I can. And no matter how down you get I will always do my best to keep a smile on your face. Why? You ask. Because other than your brother no one has never just accepted me, and been a true honest friend, been there for a chat at all hours and has generally had a laugh with me. No other friend of mine has truely cared.  I hope you know that not only are you my sister in law but you are my true best friend too. 

I could have easily said all this by text yes . But I wanted to make this public number one for those other suffers that could relate to Katie's post I want you to know that not all of us this negatively of your condition there is always someone close to you that understand even if you don't know who yet. And number two because Katie is so thoughtful and generally a nice person that I believe it should be known. Katie has enough negativity thrown her way that she deserves some possitivity. 

Don't forget Katie like you said me your mum and Tom are always here....

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxxx

Primark sizes!

So today we had a lovely day. Katie and Shelly both came to Essex from Windsor to spend the day with us:). It's was a great day and both Ava and Bella loved seeing nanny and auntie Katie. 

Both my mum and Shelly bought Ava some clothes from primark. She recieved two lovely cardigans, both sized 3-4 years. When I saw them one of them seemed considerably smaller than the other so I measured them against each other and found one of them was smaller... 

YES believe it or not these are BOTH supposed to be the same size. How ridiculous. I hear many people say on primark does come up smaller ect. But seriously you don't think how much! This does indeed confirm the fact primark has no size gide. Infact I believe they slap any size on anything. If you didn't know you would think that ones a 3-4 and the other is 4-5 or it was a 2-3 and 3-4. When buying your clothes my advice would be to try on the item as you could be buying a size or two bigger or smaller than you actually are! 

Another thing that I have found increasingly annoying about the shop is the lack of newborn baby clothe range they have. They only have a few outfits to fit a newborn! Rather annoying as you need a lot of clothes for a newborn and a lot of people would thrive on buying a basket full of clothes for a new baby I know I would!  I've also found that there are inconsistency with the clothes you can get in stores some stores do different clothes to others as my mother in law bought Bella some lovely outfits that I have not seen in any primark stores here where I live.  

I've never had any problem with primark and I will still shop there. But as I've got older and had children I have come to realise now a lot of their floors unfortunately. I don't want to or like to highlight their faults but I have to be honest about my findings since shopping there recently. I would give a little advice to primark also.. If you are going to up your prices don't let the standard or quality slip... 

LotsOfLove 

Beth...xxx 

Migraine From Hell

Hello everyone. So sorry I haven't wrote a blog post in nearly two weeks but there is an perfectly good excuse. As you can see from the title that excuse was a MIGRAINE. So lets start from the beginning..

Image from pinterest 

On 5th January ironically I had doctors early morning and then me and my Mother went into town for breakfast and just a general retail therapy mother and daughter time. I felt generally okay and we got home just before lunch time. I came upstairs and planned to put away the stuff I brought from town but all of a sudden I felt this extreme throbbing pain on my left side of head and came over really knackered so naturally my instinct was to take a painkillers and have a kip hoping I would wake up with the pain gone. Basically cut a long story short this lasted til the 11th January which has been absolutely hell. 

MY SYMPTOMS : 

- Throbbing and pounding pain 
- Pain only on one side of my head 
- Light headed/feeling dizzy 
- Loss of appetite
- Sleepiness 
- Body feeling extremely weak 
- Sensitivity to light and sounds  
- Feeling hot/cold 

I knew this was an migraine straight away but never imagined it would last for 7 days. As we all do I goggled so much and tried every remedies/relief possible and nothing was touching it. I managed to only have one meal per day as I was asleep most of the day anyway so wasn't hungry and I made sure I was drinking plenty of fluids. I was trying to figure out what triggered and caused this Migraine but I could't relate to any of the causes I read. A few people suggested hormonal but I looked into this and don't think it was that so I was really confused and in alot of pain. On the Monday to Thursdays the migraine was constant then on Friday it started easing off early hours of morning but only for a few hours then finally I woken up on 11th January and the pain eased so much, Yes it was still there but it was alot better and by the evening the pain totally gone. Now touch wood the pain has gone and doesn't return but I still feel awful in myself. I feel sleepy, weak and totally drained. Weirdly on the 11th I was going to get an Emergency Doctors appointment or call 111 to see what they advise but obviously the pain went so was no need to. I will mention this next time I go to my doctors as they might give me an idea on what caused this or how to deal with it if or when it happens next. 

So that is the reason I haven't been blogging, on Instagram or on twitter alot. I barely have looked at my phone to be honest, apart from text Beth and check Facebook, twitter ect. Now I have to try and get back into an sleeping routine which is failing alot lately so touch wood I can get back into my normal sleeping time. Also thank god Beth started back blogging while I was having this Migraine so our blog wasn't neglected. Have any of you got any tips or ideas on what caused this Migraine? Let me know :) Now I feel better I can get back to blogging and doing day to day stuff even though in two weeks time I have an week of specialist appointment for my back which will hopefully give me answers and also an operation so I doubt I shall be blogging then but Bethany of course shall be blogging. This is one of the reasons I love and am enjoying having a blog with Beth aka my Sister in Law because it means if either of us are unable to blog then the other person will so it doesn't mean our blog will be quiet and left alone :) 


Anyways Im back :)

Love Katie xx 

Katie's Health Update #4

Can't believe it is nearly a month since I done my last health update here. Alot has happened in terms of health wise since. So I was meant to have an operation on 24th December 2014 then it got moved to 7th January then on 18th December the hospital rang me saying they have an cancellation on the 22nd December but in another hospital but I accepted the date and was nervously worrying. Also Bella wasn't born then so I was praying and hoping she would be before my operation and luckily she was :) 


so I arrived at Wexham Park Hospital at 7am which I have been many times before but they have changed the way they do things so I was in the Females ward and you basically sit down in a waiting room, no family allowed to stay and your called one by one to see the nurse, doctor then anesthetist. It was weird because my other operation you are put into an ward and have own bed and get into gown asap but this was different. It was so busy and I  had visions on being last on the list but I was one of the first to be called to the nurse who check my blood pressure ect and the I saw doctors who talked me through the operation then sent back to wait, I thought Oh god here we go, I will be waiting forever so I got my notepad out and starting writing and then the anesthetist called me. Then back to waiting room, and again I was called quickly to measure for stocking ( so unattractive looking haha) then into my gown and dressing gown and told someone would be down soon to collect me. It all happened so quick I can't even remember what time I went down to surgery it was all a blur but after two hours in Recovery I was discharged and home by 1 pm which I was so impressed by.   

Sexy stockings//OUCHH//Home and cuddles with Buster

I was very sleepy and weak over the next few days to be honest. The Anesthetic takes a few days to get out of my body and generally felt sooooo tired. This operation was to do with my Bowel so I had alot of tummy ache and not being allowed to eat certain food which I still can't eat. When I finally started to feel okay it was Christmas day and I planned to stay at home but there was an extra place at the meal my Family was going to so I went to get out and I felt okay considering it was the first time out since operation. Although I couldn't eat most food and the glass of rose made me feel sick, I had a good time. We all went back to my Nan's house after then back home to watch Eastenders and back into bed. It wasn't til few days after I realised I've eaten all the wrong foods and done too much as I felt so ill and stomach killed. While all of this was going on I still had and suffered with back pain and I STILL haven't heard from specialist GRRRR.


So the operation itself went okay and done what was meant to do but they found bleeding which they don't know is coming from and think it might be my upper stomach. On 27th December I found out I had to have another operation ASAP and a blood test. I had the blood test on Monday just gone and got the operation on 29th January so not long. This operation is abit different and recovery is alot different and worse so Im not looking forward one bit to be honest. I didn't expect to even have this other operation as I thought the one on 22nd December would be it for along time. I've gone past the angry stage and now just am preparing myself for it. 



I wish I had a good update lol but things have been put back now. But there is nothing I can do than just wait and hope this operation finds out where and why Im bleeding ect. I shall of course do another health update maybe after or just before my operation. Im seeing my GP on Monday to talk about some medication ect. Shall as always keep you update :) 


Love Katie xx  

Katie's Health Update #3

I'm so sorry I haven't been doing my health update weekly. Life and routine went abit pear shape if you read our blog update here you will understand abit more. 

My health has defiantly got alot worse lately and getting very frustrated with still not hearing from the pshyio and also my specialist who was meant to contact me about a new medication to put me on as I was taken off Amitriptyline well over a month ago now so am purely just on painkillers. Obviously painkillers have alot of impact on your body so November wasn't a great month. I had alot of flare ups and also alot of bad days of awful neck pain. I invested in a neck pillow a week ago and its been like heaven. Another random and new thing is that Im suffering so much with INSOMNIA since November. Its getting too much now and Im going to the doctors soon to see if they can help. Im going days without any sleep at all and days where I feel so unhuman its ridiculous. 

I found out last week that on 24th December (YES XMAS EVE) I have an operation which is for my bowels. I was kind of hoping it would be this year as I've been waiting ages but sooo soon to Christmas isn't idea. Luckily I have zero plans for Christmas day and have a massive phobia of Christmas its self so I didn't mind. The other date was late March next year but I wanted it out of the way and done with as the recovery isn't pleasant. I've had the same op last September and wasn't given the right advice and medication to heal and recover which is one of the reasons it needs re doing but I need to go on an soft food diet for at least 6/8 weeks after which last year I did stick to very well and cut out so many food but this year I slowly started eating the food again but I'm the person who can easily give up anything. So porridge, soap and lots of flavored water will be my best friend over the next few month. 

I'm actually due to see my Specialist anyways for an update I have every 6 months but haven't heard. Im going to see my GP next Monday for my normal update but He was pretty pissed off with my Specialist last time I went as he tried ages to even get through to her on the phone so next week I hope something can be sorted. Im sort of feeling like because Im young they aint taking this very serious. At the beginning I cant fault them as they was amazingly good but it is almost like they stuck me on certain meds and thought now do one. Obviously that certain med done sod all. I hate having to rely on Co Codamol and Tramadol!! And I would wish to have one night, morning or even a few hours of being pain free it would be amazing. I now dread days out where I know I will be walking alot as I spend the night in pain after, I dread car journeys and Im bloody dreading the operation not actually for the actual op but because I can't just get up and move whenever I feel pain and Im scared I wont get the meds I need. Arghhh!!

My Panic attacks and Anxiety levels are crazily high at the moment. I think because of current stuff happening lately and my health getting crap, my anxiety goes mental. Other day me and My mother went shopping, we got the bus there and I freaked out about everything, The busy shops, too many people around me and even getting panic about my Mother walking or being too close to me. Im getting easily and more stressed out over little things like my bedroom not being tidy and over Christmas pressie not being brought ect. 


Im very thankful for having my Mother around lately. She is currently not well so she is home most of the time so having her here helps alot. She does me hot water bottles, makes me lots of teas, dinner and keeps me company when Im down. I don't think she realizes how much of a help she is to me. I shall keep you all updated on my next GP visit and also my operation ekkkkkk nervous.


Love Katie 
xx

Blogmas Day Three

Day 3 of December..

last night I had terrible insomnia and I was having small naps for like 20/30 mins at a time and at 6.30 am I finally decided to just get up for the day. Weirdly had a massive burst on energy and started cleaning my room to declutting my wardrobes/draws, wiping the floor/furniture, sorted storage out, hoovering downstairs and then we had a spare fake Christmas tree which is black and I decided to put it up although we have only a handful of ball balls but never the least I put in up near the dinning area. It looks abit bare but am going to the shop tomorrow or next week to get some lights and more decorations. We decided to chuck away both of our fake crap trees when Xmas is over and start buying Real Christmas trees!! For this black tree we are going for a white/cream and red theme. 

Please excuse the lack of effort on decoration but it will look amazing next week for sure.

To make good use of lighting and background today, I done a mini photo shoot with the Dogs seeing as I found two red bows to put on their collars haha. With the help of treats I managed to take a few beautiful pictures of our baby boys... Be prepared for cuteness lol  

I know I would say this because they are my dogs but aint they the most beautiful dogs ever!! Buster is a Black Lab crossed collie whose birthday is tomorrow and is turning 12 years old and then there is Bobby who is a Tanned and White Jack Russel Terrier who is 5 years old. I love getting them into the Christmas spirit and stupidly they will always sit there letting me put on Xmas hat's and bows ect lol. 

Not much else has happened today apart from the burst of energy this morning which meant by lunch time I totally crashed and slept for 2 hours and haven't really felt awake since. My Brother popped in after work and before he went to travel back to Essex which was lovely seeing him. Tonight Im going to sit in bed, watch Chelsea who are playing spurs tonight also watch Im a Celeb because I LOVE that show and drink lots of coffee to keep me going lol. Tomorrow Me & My mother plan to walk to Costa which has not long ago opened not far from us and then have a walk to the local shops so nothing exciting but glad to get out for some fresh air. So I hope I sleep at least 4 hours sleep tonight otherwise I will be walking like an Zombie!!! Hope your December month is going well so far :)

Love Katie 

xx