Twenty Three Years Old

     Image via Pinterest 

So today is my 23rd birthday and for the first time ever that I'm not really bothered if I have cake or celebrate to be honest. Not having my Nieces, Brother & Beth is probably 50% of the reason I'm not bothered but the other 50% would defiently be my two illnesses, anxiety and depression. Last year I wasn't that bad as was only 3 months into when the pains started and I wasn't even diagnosed then. Now it's much different, I know I can't drink as today I start a strong painkiller for nerve pain, I can't eat too much or if any cake due to my colitis as it's very up in the air lately, I haven't got much money or much family around to go and do something so to me it's just going to be an ordinary day. 

    See I was once a blonde ha 

So far I think I've been through quite a lot in my life. For a 23 year old, I've suffered with many illnesses since I was about 16 year old, suffered with heartache, loss of family members, self harm, depression, eating disorder, anxiety, panic attacks and alot of hurt in my life and obviously I wished I never suffered with any of them but in a weird way it's made me very mature and my head is screw on. I done clubbing the drinking the partying til late and all of that stuff when I was 16/17 so when I got to 18 I wanted to calm down and settle which no one around me was doing.

   Few years ago when I was happy with my weight meh! 

I've had the worse luck in my life too be honest with love, career, education and personal stuff. I've never been the one to know what exactly what career I wanted. I always wanted to have a husband and my own family while everyone my age was out in Ibiza doing summers over there. When I had an misscarriage in 2012 that was when a light switch on in my head and made me realise I need to concertrate on myself, I'm too young  for my own family and that I need to live a little first. I tried and tried, I went to job interviews that worked out well, got the jobs and always something would happen health wise that would make me not able to start those jobs. I didn't have any real friends and I had a few years of just feeling stuck and being down.

   2014 - an amazing year.

In 2014, my life changed for the better. Ava and Bethany walked into my life and since then I have been so lucky and blessed to have a sister in law who is also my best friend, she helped me more than she knows. Beth has helped my confidence and I feel 100% safe now knowing I actually have a true friend that I haven't had since I was 16 years old. And then Ava who when I meet her she couldn't even talk much or climb onto my bed and now she telling me stories and cuddles me and says she loves me. I absolutely adore this little girl and being an auntie is the best thing ever happened to me. It's made me a stronger, happier and wiser person. Yeah 2014 was mainly a lot of bad luck health wise & family stuff but the memories that me, tommy, Bethany, Ava and my mother made are ones I will never forget. Then end of 2014  my life got even better and I gained another beautiful niece. Bella Mai has made all of our lives complete. I cannot wait to make even more memories with my nieces. 

    Me as a baby haha 

To finish this post I have included a picture above of me as a baby which I think slightly looks abit like Bella Mai. So in 23 years I have had more downs than ups but I'm so lucky to be alive. I hope I have my own family one day and to me my main goal in life is to able to have a baby and if I can't have babies then I shall be adopting LOTS of puppies haha.

So happy birthday to me. Time to open cards, no pressies yet and get drunk on erm coffee as going for a costa lunch. How exciting are birthdays eh!!! I want a party with musical chairs, pass the parcel and party bags. Growing up isn't fun. 

Love Katie 

Bellas 4month update

I So sorry I've missed out a month of Bellas update! Last month was hectic! 

Bellas 4 month update

 

As you can see bells has started filling out tho a bit later than usual! She's come on leaps and bounds since being on her new allergy milk. She is putting weight on regulary and at the moment weighs 11lb 14oz tho she is petit. Hopefully after he stay in hospital last month after having to be on oxygen for a few days due to bronchulitis (why I didn't do her 3mnth update) she has left her rocky start behind her. 

She is not yet rolling all the way over tho she does go onto her side, I'm hoping by her five month update she will be going all the way! Shes developing a funny personality she doesn't stop smilingor  cooing.! She is also absolutely fascinated with the tele especially the football!  

That's about all this month to update!!

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

What Being An Auntie Means To Me

To me being an Auntie is the most wonderful, amazing and rewarding thing that ever happened in my life. Ava Lily and Bella Mai literally make me smile and happy no matter what and I'm so lucky to have them both in my life.

My Brother and I are only 12 months apart so we are very close and always have had a close bond and I wished our future children would have the bond with each other like we have. I always thought I would be the first to have a baby to be honest as I was older and been in relationships but due to my fertility and miscarriage problems that mean I wasn't the first. When Tommy & Bethany announce they was pregnant with Bella well I say announce but what really happened was myself and my Mother guessed then they confirmed it was true haha!! I was so over the moon and instantly making lists of what to buy my Niece/Nephew (didn't know what sex Bella was back then) and I was so convince they was having a Boy haha!!! 

Ava Lily is my best friend. She is the most beautiful, caring, intelligent, funny and understanding 3 year old and I love nothing more than having Niece & Auntie days out. Our trips to the park, shops and walks are some of my best memories. I have learnt a lot since being a Auntie and its defiantly makes you realise how much of a hard job it is and I put my hands up to any parents out there. Although Ava is a very good child and of course she has her moments like every child, I can honestly say I think Beth deserve a medal. When they lived here, I always offered to make her breakfast, wash her, change her ( although she does it herself as she is so independent), take her out, do her lunch and dinner, bath her and put her to bed and I love doing all of that. I know some Aunties are not hands on and I just don't get how. I guess it helps that myself and Bethany are very close but even if we wasn't I would still be hands on. 

Bella Mai has only been in my life for 4 months but it is like she has been here forever. That moment I walked into the hospital ward and saw her I just felt this feeling of happiness. Bella is so content, happy, beautiful and alert baby I have ever known. I admit I was scared to hold, feed, wind and change her as she is smaller for her age and looks so fragile. Once Beth helped and reassured me, I got more confident and now I love doing anything for Bella. I wish I lived closer as I would be there helping with the girls while telling Bethany to go and rest. 

To me being a Auntie is more than just the typical Auntie role. It has given me the confidence, it has shown me what happiness really is and what being proud really means. When I see Ava say new words, when she shows me what she makes at school and when she tells me " Auntie Katie I love you" it just feels me up with proudness. I guess most aunties don't live with their Nieces but I did for a few months and that did help a lot I think. While Bethany was pregnant and was rushed into hospital, I was beside Ava's bed on the floor holding her hand because she was worried about mummy and didn't want to fall asleep alone. I will and do anything for my Nieces. 

I want to thank my Brother and Bethany for giving me two best gifts in my life and making me a proud Auntie. It has made me grow up, more confident and has put life into perspective. I hope one day I can make Tommy into a Uncle and Beth into a Auntie to my child/children. I would love nothing more than to have my own baby. I see how much hard work it is but how rewarding it is. When Bella Mai smiles at me, when Ava Lily cuddles and says I love you, when Bella holds my finger and when Ava runs and gives me the biggest cuddle when I see her.. That is what keeps me going. Those girls have no idea how much they keep me normal haha!! My life isn't the best at the mo with health problems but having Bethany and My Nieces in my life makes things so much easier to deal with. 

I love you Bella Mai & Ava Lily, I promise to always care, love and always make you both laugh and smile. And I will continue to have a low bank balance as I can't help myself buying you both Cath Kidston stuff, Converses, books, Lush Bath Bombs for Ava (the robot one) and cute clothes haha!!! I've made Ava obsessed with Cath Kidston kids bags and Lush Baby Bot so you can tell she is defiantly my Niece :) 

Love Katie xx 

Pain Is Lonely

I saw this quote on Pinterest and instantly  agreed and can relate to it so much. Having two Chronic Illnesses has made my life changed so much and most of the time I feel lonely. I have to decline some family events or days out because of the pain which makes me incredulity down and lonely. I spend most days at home, in my bedroom, in pain and dosed up on painkillers and other medication I'm on. Apart from the rare occasion of days out, the only day trips are hospital and doctors appointments. I see my GP twice a month which can be more it depends, consultant for my Colitis, consultant for my Back and Pain Management Clinic  so my diary is always filled up with appointments. Soon to have a check up update appointment on my fertility/ovary ect which will mean doctors/nurse app, ultrasound and then to a gynaecologist and not forgetting the blood tests I have regularly. Being ill itself is like a full time job and I hate when people think we are lazy and I tell you what, I would swap my pain for a normal full time job anyday. 

Pain wakes me up at 3/4am so I can be up til 6am and that when I feel lonely most. I'm so glad one of my dogs sleeps in my bedroom overnight. Buster always wakes up if I'm in pain to check how I am, he is a bloody diamond. Pain can even make me feel mad and angry sometimes. Angry that I can't sleep, angry when I get to sleep that the pain wakes me up, angry when family members think I'm lazy, angry when you don't see the doctor you trust and always see, angry when they say " We need to see you in 6/8 weeks but we have no appointments til 3 months time", angry when the chemist give you wrong amont of tablets, angry when the chemist  forgets to put in a certain medication. There are many more reasons that make me angry, mad and lonely but I would be here all day if I said them all. 

I've always be a person who likes their own company but since being ill it's made me realise how much I'm greatful for when I spend time with people. A weekend in Essex with my family is basically like a holiday for me and I try to not let pain get to me. Although pain is there constantly but when I'm happy with people I love I make myself try to ignore it. The train/tube journey to Essex absolutely kills my back & last time I was feeling sick due to my medication side effects but I tried to put that to the back of my mind and think of the reason I'm on the train. 

Pain is lonely but people with Chronis Illnesses and people who suffer with pain we need to not let it make us anymore lonely. Also it is totally okay to feel lonely and it is normal to, don't let people make you think you're lazy. We are ill for god sake and the amont of bloody side effect medications gives us we are totally allowed to rest. 

Love Katie xx 

Nudging Out Negativity

As I'm approaching 23 on 30th April, it has made me realize how much I have grown up. I may not of done the things I planned years ago or got the dream job or have my own family but looking back myself as a person has changed. 

I used to always just be the follower and do what people told me to, I suppose to feel like I fitted in. I always hung around with people older than me as I was close to my Cousin who was a year older and used to be friends with her friends. I never was the popular kid but my cousins friends was so hanging around with them made me feel wanted I guess. Looking back that is stupid and I would never do that now. In the past two years I have made big changes to my life as I have stopped speaking to the people who wasn't good for me and I tell you what I feel so much better for it. I may have lost a lot of people because of it but I've never been happier with just the small amount of people I have around me now. Now I have people around me who generally care and love me where as before the people I was friends with didn't give a shit about me and just hang around with me for company.

I wished I done this years ago to be honest. Although I done this myself and obviously made the decision to stop speaking to these certain people, I do think meeting Bethany really made me realize this which I am thankful for. One day Beth just said to me that a certain someone was using me and taking the piss out of me which made me think "yes you are so right". Deep down I knew this certain person was but I guess you just go along with it and life can get carried away but it is not until people start to realize what people are doing to you that makes yourself stop and think. Beth cares so much for me and she hated seeing this certain person totally treat me like utter crap. From that moment I made the choice to tell this person and stop all contact and I tell you what, my life has never been any better and easier. I generally can say the people I have around me now are people who love and care about me. Of course I have certain family members I don't get on with but you can't choose your family can you. 

Because of this, it did mean my whole social life changed and somehow stopped as this person was the person I was with most weekends and done most social things with. Everything was on her terms only and yes I was a mug to go along with it. Getting "rid" of negative people in your life makes a massive different. It changes you as a person and makes you a better person for it. You can 100% be happy and confident knowing the circle of people around you are fully caring, loving and positive. Don't be friends with people who only want to hang out when they are bored, don't believe a word they say to sweet talk you around, Don't do/say what they tell you to. I used to go to clubs, bars and restaurants that I didn't like, I used to meet up with people I hated but I done theses things because at the time I thought that was the right thing to do and in my mind if I didn't do these things then I wouldn't have any social life and I thought people and this certain people wouldn't like me if I declined. 

Looking back I can't believe how gullible I was. Life isn't about wanting people to like you and now I think if someone doesn't like me then I honest don't care. I wanted to feel wanted as I never had that at school or college. I thought once you're a adult that things get better but it is rubbish.In fact it gets a whole lot worse when you're a adult. People are more horrible, ladies are more bitchy and bullying isn't something that happens at school only. 

Always make sure you're happy and if people around you are making you unhappy and are bringing you down then get rid of them, stop all contact and enjoy being around people who make you happy. I want to thank Beth for telling me about this certain person otherwise I would still be in that place. I have a very small circle around me but I'm so much happier for :) Have anyone else had similar experience, or are in that place right now where you want to tell people you want to stop contact with them? Let me know. 

Love Katie  xx

Why I Love My Hometown//Windsor

Although I have been living in Windsor pretty much most of my life, there is nothing better than coming into town and exploring. I love watching the Change Of Guards, walking by the River Thames and the other week Myself and My Mother walked around the "Posh" side of Windsor just looking at all the big beautiful houses. There is so much stuff and places I haven't even experience yet in Windsor which makes me realise how much lucky I am to live in a beautiful area. 

15 minutes walk and I'm in the heart of busy Windsor town, 5 minutes walk and I'm in the Great Park which leads you to the Long Walk to the Castle so it's easy and quick to explore these things but I hardly go to the Great Park or The Long Walk. Windsor is constantly busy no matter what time or month it is, so it's hard to just "pop" into town for a quick coffee without getting stressed and annoyed that it's busy. So usually I will always have to have a reason to go into town like when I have to buy something, lunch, after the Doctors as its few minutes walk from there or if my family want to meet up in town. Lucky now there is a Costa near me so I don't have to go into the heart of town for a coffee anymore. 

I have been into Windsor Castle a few times as my Cousin was a Guardsmen there as was my Father. Plus if you're a resident of the Royal Borough you get an advantage card which gets you into the Cadtle for free and the card also gets you cheaper parking, discount at restaurants and shops in town. But My Advantage Card need renewing which I need to do! Eton is just a quick walk over a Bridge from the River and it's nice to see all the Posh houses from Eton College, you see all the boys walking around smartly dressed and it feels very much "Posher" than Windsor but it's nice to walk around Eton. 

The shops in Windsor are not everyone cup of tea to be honest but you got the usual H&M, Topshop, Next, New Look, Zara, TK Maxx, Marks & Spencer's, Boots and Superdrugs and obviously are a few Posh random shops which I never go in unless you have hundreds to spend haha!! They have good choice of places to eat/drink most are above the average price to be honest but there are the usually Nandos, Bills, GBK, Maccys, subway and Marks & Sparks cafe but one thing to watch out is the Wetherspoons in Windsor is more expensive than all the other Wetherspoons which is stupid, it's about £2/3 extra on every single meal so basically it's same price as the other "expensive" pubs and restaurants there. The have all the coffee chains there and my fave is the Costa Coffee which is in the Royal bit of the Train station which no one really knows about as its tuck away in the corner so it's hardly ever busy. 

I might do another post about Windsor, maybe the best/worse places/things to do ect? I'm always finding new places to eat, have a coffee and building I never knew exsisted so I love walking around to explore. Of course it's busy being a tourist hotspot and you do need to have abit of money if you going to spend a day here but there is ways of making it cheap so I might do a tips on how to do a cheap day out in Windsor, shall I do that? Let me know :) 

P.S my laptop has currently broken so my post will have to be done via my iPhone for the moment so if the quality of post are poor then I do apologise in advanced I do hope to get it fixed as soon as possible. 

Love Katie xx 

A last minute thought!

So last night I asked Ava what she would like for dinner, as I like to give her choice. When she told me what she wanted I was thrown into the deep end, she said she wanted pizza. I know easy right? But we didn't have any, so I had to use initiative as I didn't want to let her down. I looked through the kitchen cupboard and found some ingredients that I could use to make my own....

Pitta bread and Tomatoe purée.. 

I spread the purée on the pitta..

I then grated some cheese and added it to the pitta..

I then used some ham and a sausage I found in the fridge..

With the pizza built it was time to put it under the grill 

With the homemade and constructed pizza cooked I could cut it and serve it to Ava.. 

Ava thoroughly enjoyed her pizza. Of course you can add whatever toppings you want. This was so quick to make that I would do this again, this little idea I stumbled on. 

Next time your stuck for dinner ideas, look through your cupboards you never know what you may stumble apon & don't disregard anything as being rubish, you don't know how useful it may actually be ...

LotsOfLove 

Beth...xxx

Life Lately By Katie

I can't believe it has been nearly a month since I last blogged. Things got abit hectic at the end of March then I got ill with Chest infection/ Tonsillitis so its been one of those months already. 

So end of March I went to Essex for Beth's Sister Hen Party which was so good. I planned to go down on 26th March on a Thursday but due to Bella being in Hospital, I traveled down by train on Wednesday to help out Beth & Tommy with looking after Ava as they was both at the hospital during the day and then took it in turns with staying overnight at hospital. Bella came out of hospital on the Thursday so I only really got to spend half of the day with Ava but we had an amazing afternoon taking selfies, eating chocolate and playing round. 

Ava & Myself 

The Hen Party was so good. It was the first time in years that myself and Beth have been out properly and got dressed up ect so it was abit nerve wrecking but at the same time it was amazing for us to be out and let our hair down. I didn't drink much due to my medication but I did get abit tipsy but Beth on the other hand got little bit drunk and was so funny. The amount of times she told me she loves me that night was alot and the words coming out of her mouth, I should of recorded her haha but it was so nice to see Beth relax and enjoy herself after the week she had with Bella and awful luck this year she has had it was just nice to see her happy. 

Myself & Beth @ Hen Party 

On the Saturday we had plans to go to Lakeside just the girls but my colitis played up and had an horrible Migraine so I spent all day and night in Ava's bed asleep while having Tommy and Beth checking on me giving me medication and water bless them. 

Bella Mai 

Bella Mai with her Daddy 

As you can see how beautiful is my Niece Bella Mai. I had so many cuddles with her and fed her, changed her nappy and dressed her and I loved it. Yes it did make me extremely broody but it also made me realise that Beth deserves a medal. She has Bella and Ava to look after while Bella been ill for many of months and other bad luck in life lately I just think she is an amazing Mother and she never ever complains or moans. I take my hat of to her, if I was half the Mother she is then I know I would be okay. 

I went home on the Sunday and then that when the illness started. So Bella had Bronchitis, Tommy had Tonsillitis and Beth had an Chest Infection and I was fine while I was there but soon as I got home I started feeling so sick but I never suffer with any throat problems so I didn't expect it. Also it was the week of hardly any doctors appointments so it was nearly a week til I got an appointment and was given antibiotics. The doctor said I have Tonsillitis, Chest Infection and Laryngitis so I was very ill, I lost my appetite so hardly eaten for nearly two weeks, I couldn't drink anything but water or Coke (weird seeing as I usually hate coke). I feel alot better than I was but still got a sore throat and I'm getting my appetite back. My Mother also had an Chest Infection so it was all illnesses for the Family. I didn't feel like blogging at all but now I'm better I feel ready to blog. I sort of lost my blogging thinking cap and didn't know what to write. 

April is my Birthday month and I'm going to Essex end of April for few days so I can't wait. Beth has done some blogging while I was sick so have a read of those..HERE, HERE and HERE. So check them out :) 

I shall do my Health update sometime soon, I have alot to update on as I've had a few appointments since my last update. I shall get Beth to do Bella's update soon as she is nearly 4 months old and has grown up so much. I love seeing the changes and milestones when I see her and also Ava seems so much grown up now Bella is here. She is the best big sister ever. Hope you all have an amazing April. 

Love Katie xx 

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A Primark Bargin

I don't know about you but I have terrible trouble when painting my own nails. With hair I'm gifted but nails just no. I would rather get a set of acrylics white tips and not have to worry. Whereas Katie is a godsend with nails when she is down I will always take advantage and get her to paint my nails up really nicely. 

The thing is I will paint my nails make them look half decent but I'm a bugger for smudging them!  There will always be one that will just not seem to dry. So I was in Primark the other week, and I came across a nail polish fast dry spray and tbh I didn't think it was going to be much good but I thought with my luck with nails it was worth giving it a go! When I painted my nails after purchase I sprayed on this spray It actually worked! 

For those of you that are like me I would deffo get down to your nearest Primark and buy this it will improve your luck with nail painting for sure! And you ain't heard the best bit yet, this nail drying spray will not set you back too much it costs just £0.80p!! This is suitable for just any budget. 

A nail drying spray that actually works pricing in at just 80p is deffo a bargin who says beauty costs...

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

Happy Easter!

IHi everyone, I hope you all had a lovely Easter and are up to you eyes in chocolate and eggs galore! Just like we are :)...

So yesterday I had the last minute idea to do Ava an Easter egg hunt, but being so late could not find any little Easter egg hunt eggs. I had to have a brainwave as I wanted Ava to have a fun Easter and with many children she knew doing them I didn't want her to feel left out when all the other children were talking about it. Not being able to find what I needed I had to pull everything together that me and Tom her auntie and grandparents had bought her and hide those around the house. This I did telling her that the Easter bunny had cheekily hid all her Easter eggs! Ava had such a great time finding all her chocolaty treats and those that weren't! Bella being only 3 months we got her teethers and an outfit, she could obviously not join in the hunt so Ava hunted for hers. I would now always do her Easter egg hunts with the normal different Easter things they get as it keeps the hunt different they ain't finding the same things over and over. The look on Avas face when she found things was heart melting along with her very greatful thank you's after she found each item. 

After the egg hunt we had a lovely Easter breakfast consisting of hot cross buns with butter and jam coffee and tea, all prepared by my mother.. It was a very yummy breakfast ...

Safe to say Avas had a proper Easter Day, after polishing off one of her eggs she moved on to Easter Bonnett making with nanny! Ava loved it, she also enjoyed  posing for pictures afterwards! 

Late afternoon me and Bella took too selfie taking ....

And so we did in the evening after her big sister was tucked up in bed after a busy chocolate eating Easter Day... 

I think the moral of this post is that you don't need to go out doing anything special to celebrate Easter you don't have to spend loads of money especially if you can't afford it with family around you and the right attitude you can have a relaxing happy fun filled day all from the comfort of your own home. 

LotsOfLove 

Beth...xxx

Sorry!

Just a quick post to apologise for our lack of activity lately. Bella has not been well with bronchulitis with a stay in hospital she is out now and on the mend with beth up the hospital and Katie travelling up and down we haven't been able to post.  The blog will now carry on as normal starting with an Easter post tomorrow!! 

Lots of love

Katie&Beth...xxx