Pain Is Lonely

I saw this quote on Pinterest and instantly  agreed and can relate to it so much. Having two Chronic Illnesses has made my life changed so much and most of the time I feel lonely. I have to decline some family events or days out because of the pain which makes me incredulity down and lonely. I spend most days at home, in my bedroom, in pain and dosed up on painkillers and other medication I'm on. Apart from the rare occasion of days out, the only day trips are hospital and doctors appointments. I see my GP twice a month which can be more it depends, consultant for my Colitis, consultant for my Back and Pain Management Clinic  so my diary is always filled up with appointments. Soon to have a check up update appointment on my fertility/ovary ect which will mean doctors/nurse app, ultrasound and then to a gynaecologist and not forgetting the blood tests I have regularly. Being ill itself is like a full time job and I hate when people think we are lazy and I tell you what, I would swap my pain for a normal full time job anyday. 

Pain wakes me up at 3/4am so I can be up til 6am and that when I feel lonely most. I'm so glad one of my dogs sleeps in my bedroom overnight. Buster always wakes up if I'm in pain to check how I am, he is a bloody diamond. Pain can even make me feel mad and angry sometimes. Angry that I can't sleep, angry when I get to sleep that the pain wakes me up, angry when family members think I'm lazy, angry when you don't see the doctor you trust and always see, angry when they say " We need to see you in 6/8 weeks but we have no appointments til 3 months time", angry when the chemist give you wrong amont of tablets, angry when the chemist  forgets to put in a certain medication. There are many more reasons that make me angry, mad and lonely but I would be here all day if I said them all. 

I've always be a person who likes their own company but since being ill it's made me realise how much I'm greatful for when I spend time with people. A weekend in Essex with my family is basically like a holiday for me and I try to not let pain get to me. Although pain is there constantly but when I'm happy with people I love I make myself try to ignore it. The train/tube journey to Essex absolutely kills my back & last time I was feeling sick due to my medication side effects but I tried to put that to the back of my mind and think of the reason I'm on the train. 

Pain is lonely but people with Chronis Illnesses and people who suffer with pain we need to not let it make us anymore lonely. Also it is totally okay to feel lonely and it is normal to, don't let people make you think you're lazy. We are ill for god sake and the amont of bloody side effect medications gives us we are totally allowed to rest. 

Love Katie xx