Dear Grandad

Hey gramps,

A lots happened since you've been gone. 14 years and yet it still feels like yesterday and still I cant bare to speak about it. I'm sure you've seen  what a hectic life I've lived since but yet I've not been able to talk about any of it  with you. God there have been  so many times where I've fucked up or been down or felt alone or even been  so happy that I have wanted to come to and talk to you about it and ask for your advice. Many of times I've been alone and spoke to you out loud in the hope that maybe you can hear me. I've longed for one last cuddle, one more laugh, one more time shared. All these years there's not been a minute gone by when the longing has stopped. The milestones you've missed, my 16th 18th 21st.  My exams, my daughters birth and soon to be my wedding.
 Oh how I wold have loved to have you there through school, I went a bit off the rails you see, how I know you would have whipped me back on to the straight and narrow. It was being attacked that did to me I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt dirty and wrong. I blamed myself. My world crumbled around me I was hated and told I was lying through my teeth by many people who knew me in school. I didn't even know what had happened, I was young. The police told me what it was. Rape. I needed you. You would have known exactly how to make me feel better, even  if it was just taking my mind off things. I talked to you a lot then. Did you hear? It don't matter if you didn't. it just gave me some comfort talking to you. Anyhow that's how I ended up going off the rails a bit, smoking, drinking, dodgy crowd. I'm not proud of it, infact I'd rather forget about it. I just want to say I'm sorry. The way I acted then I can imagine you were far from proud. Before then I was the good girl you would remember, never putting a foot out of line, shy and respectful. Then after what happened I was rebellious, rude and cocky. I hated myself but I couldn't change. I didn't know how. The events had changed me, morphed me into something new. Yet all the time I just wanted to be the person you would remember. Id still feel close to you then. But she was a distant memory. I love writing to you. The trouble is I don't want to stop, but I have to go get Ava from school and get Bella ready for school. You would love them. Promise me I can chat to again? I will write to you again soon I promise.

chat soon

love you always

BO BO xxx

Budget Bride -Week1

Hello my lovelies!

I am so sorry! I have been such a bad blogger this week and neglected the blog a bit. To be honest I've been on such a high this week and only had one thing on my mind. MY WEDDING. Yes I'm getting married!!! After three years we have FINALLY set a date for June next year. I never really understood the whole bridezilla thing or the whole weddings are stressful thing, but I've had my first taster this week and the stress cloud is already showing an appearance! There is just so much to think about you don't know where to start first. The bridezilla head hasn't shown itself yet, note I say yet as you never know, its just so easy to get carried away!

I am not going to sit here and say I'm having a big fancy occasion because I'm not. Sure it would be lovely to have the castle, marque, white doves, fire works and lavish party with posh food and champagne all night long. That's every little girls dream. It was mine until I met Tom and realised the real meaning for marriage. Anyway my do is going to be a tad smaller, a registry office ceremony and some kind of pub/function room reception. It may not be lavish but its just as much stress and just as much work, though its nice stress and work I like doing! I thought I would track my journey through the blog, it may relate to other brides out there!

Through week 1 of wedding planning I have learnt that the first thing you should do apart from the obvious ceremony booking and notice to marry booking is getting the guest list together. You need to have a good Idea of numbers because that's the first thing people ask when you enquire about ANYWHERE. I'm actually going to rewind and say you will prob need to know numbers before booking the ceremony too because them rooms come in many size varieties!

What I found more challenging in week one

Getting Tom to tell his dad - Ok so this may seem little in hindsight but when its not. I have many family members that are excited and want to go public on social media but I felt strongly that no close family members should find out that way. I had told all I needed to and so did Tom... to a certain degree. He really dragged his heels when telling his dad and no there was no reason for it other than he is simply just a man. And a very laid back at that. Tom can be so laid back that he is going backwards at times. I was on at him for a good couple of days to tell his dad before he actually listened, this played my "bride anxiety" (yes I am inventing something) up bad.

Reception Venue - Ah gosh its not easy when your on a budget and EVERY venue wants to charge through the roof! No I am not after something for nothing but I would like there to be a good amount of options out there for us budget brides!

Notice Of Marriage -  Well this is a massive pain in the bum for me! I need to save up the £70 to give notice of marriage, I know a joke of a charge! This is the most stressful thing because I know it NEEDS to be done its going to take me 4 weeks to save to book and will probably the longest 4 weeks of my life.

Things I found easy in week 1

Ceremony venue - I found this quite quick, I had a pick of registry offices but I found this gem of an old manorish house and HAD to book! it was quick and easy with just a £46 deposit:)

Telling friends and family - I haven't gone wild on social media yet but I let it out to friends and family in a heartbeat as I just couldn't contain my excitement! They also know how long I've waited for this and how much it means to us.

Planning and organising - Thanks to my sister making me fab planning folder I have thrown myself into jotting things down and organising. It makes life so much easier!!

Picking Bridesmaids and Page Boys - Very important for a bride!  I picked them easily, I'm having my two girls Ava and Bella then Katie my lovely sister in law and Elisa my sister (And baby Jayde my niece) if my sisters okay with it . My page boys are gonna be my two gorgy nephews Alfie and Ronnie.

I think I have earned a nice glass of wine and to put my feet up! I'm gonna go and watch x factor now but I look forward to keeping you all updated with my planning next week :)

Thanks for reading :)

until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

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Relationship Revelation

My lovely readers

You know being in a relationship is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And I've been a single parent. When your single and you think about relationship life you believe its all just going to fall in to your lap, if you find your 'soul mate' so to speak then it will be easy. You will get together and sail off into the sunset and live a life of no stress and no work. Well that's how it works in the movies isn't it? Naïve indeed, but that was me back then. Yes I had a child but when It came to family life I hadn't a clue, I lived with my parents one of them being a mother that wouldn't let me touch the cooker or washing machine, or my bed for that matter. Of course this meant I had it a bit easy but in reality it taught me f***k all about life and how to look after myself ect. My parents never gave me great talks about relationships, what to expect, what its like when you find 'the one' and so on. It wasn't their fault they wasn't s**t parents, they were just from an older generation and found it a bit awkward, whereas parents of today don't. But still whatever the how I was so uneducated when  it came to relationships, whatever I did know was self taught, so I pretty much had to wing it all. The dating, the first night together, the meeting the family, the talk of what you both want, and then the most serious stuff. And of course the sex stuff like,  hey I'm on the pill but do you wanna wear a condom for a double whammy of protection. Which by the way me and Tom didn't and I fell pregnant on the pill.

The honeymoon period was the hardest to understand, sure it was lovely and easy while we were in it, but its the coming out of it I'm talking about, you know the bit where you emerge into a 'proper established' couple, like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon as butterfly. This is the bit I would have personally like a heads up about. Things change and unless you have been given the heads  up you start to question EVERYTHING. Nothing stays the same, the romance dies down a little, the man gets extremely comfortable and thinks he don't have to woo you and you feel like you can let out your most embarrassing traits and so does he. You tend to bicker because well you know that you don't have to pretend that you love each others bad habits. As a woman I find then that you can get extremely paranoid that he's not into you anymore. He weren't like it before (honeymoon period). In reality he is into just as much but he just knows that he's got you now. You become an unromantic nose picking, wind releasing love making pair. To be honest the love making is the only thing that remains pretty much the same, well it did in my case that was until I was heavily pregnant, even then we didn't stop completely. I fell pregnant in the honeymoon period, which is pretty rare. And during the honeymoon period Tom was obviously getting to know Ava who was very young at the time. He was taking her on as his own. So where as normal couples only experience the normal changes of settling into an established relationship, we had a few extra. Poor Tom had to deal with someone with hormones that hit space and come crashing back down with a massive thud, when he didn't leave me then I knew he was a keeper, I had practically turned into a pig to the point where you could have put me in a pen and I would have fitted in quite well, how he kept up with the amount of food I shoved down me I don't know. Trying to make myself look as attractive as I was when we met, while being pregnant and the size of a house was pretty difficult in itself, though he always said how beautiful I was I was still over paranoid I was gonna loose him. When you add money problems like Tom loosing his job, finding a place to live ect, things got pretty tough. It tested us. We did argue, of course we did. We both got hugely stressed, but we had each other and we both knew we were stronger together. When Tom finally got another stable job and things started to ease it was time for me to give birth to our beautiful Bella. This is where I knew our relationship was for good, he literally saw me toilet during childbirth and although he was nearly sick in his own mouth, he still confessed his love for me. Of course I was mortified when he first told me what he had seen as doing that during childbirth was one of my biggest fears but, now I couldn't give a s**t (pardon the pun). It proved how strong Toms love for me actually is.

Now we have been together 3 years, its been a rocky road full of ups and downs, stresses and joys. Tom can wind me up to the point where I want to scream, whether he does it in a jokey way or a moody way and then in the click of his fingers he can calm  me down and make me laugh. Family life can stress out a relationship, this is sometimes what I wanted mum to make me aware of, sure you can give the safe sex talk, how to handle dates first kisses ect, but what about handling the relationship in the comfy stages, how to deal with emotions when you have an argument ect. When me and Tom have an argument I get so upset, I'm a very emotional person. Heck sometimes I thought life would be easier to walk out, this is when we are arguing. Your head and thoughts get so blurred when your angry. This is when I look into his eyes and all the bad feeling and thoughts all  just melt away, its like looking into them when we first met and falling in love with him all over again. I don't know how he does it.

I suppose from this I wanna hand out some advice, some of you won't need it, some of you might. No matter how much that person annoys you no matter how often they don't do the dishes or they don't pick up their clothes. No matter how many times they make constant jokes they think are funny or moan at you for one thing or another. When you are in that moment where the stress has  built up and you think you just can't do it anymore. Don't run. Its not the answer, if everyone gave up on their relationship when it got a bit stressful then we would all be single. Look into their eyes, see what made you fall in love with this person in the first place, that person is still there. You both just need to make an effort to ensure that you both see that from time to time. Sit down find it in your hearts to forgive each others imperfections and embrace each other. Enjoy each other because one day you wont be able too. Remember like me and Tom your the strongest when together and united. I don't know about you but when me and Tom are united I feel on top of the world, in fact, I feel like I can take on the world. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my partner, my first love and my true love and I will always be by his side.  


Thanks for reading

Until next time :)

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx


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My Fiance A Wonderful Daddy

My Fiancé a wonderful Dad

 

 

 

 

Dear Tommy,

Who would have imagined when you first sent me your number that would be here today, a lovely little family with two children. To be honest from the first time we spoke I knew we were going to spend our lives together, I just didn't expect to have your baby as soon as I did. Do you remember finding out in Tesco toilets? Classy eh. The shock was massive but you were so happy! you couldn't Stop smiling! I was so happy that I was  going to be doing it properly this time! It was so good to have you to go to all the scans and appointments, I just don't think you knew what the wait was going to be like. We all know how impatient you are mr. And that didn't change with pregnancy, I got you a gender scan because I knew you couldn't wait to find out the sex and you were delighted when you found out she was a little girl. We got proper stuck in to preparation and buying things for our little girl. It was so much fun. I love how protective you got over me towards the end. Such a protective daddy already. Do you remember all the false times I thought labour was coming! They were so often  that when I was in actual labour we didn't believe it and it was  such a race to get me to hospital that you nearly crashed into the hospital barriers haha. Thank you for being by my side through the birth babe, it was so lovely to have a dad there this time and there was nothing more lovely than  a dad meeting his daughter for the first time, oh thanks for the labour selfie babe!


                                                 


You have thrown yourself into parenting so well! Your a natural though your a fantastic daddy to Ava so I knew you would be okay. You are such a fantastic daddy to them, doing the nappy changes, feeds ect. The way you make them laugh is magical. You have such a special way with your girls. I love the fact we are a unit in parenting it gives such a healthy balance. Hearing the word daddy from both of their mouths warms my heart to this day. You love doing family things don't you. When we go to the park I like to sit back and watch you spend time with the girls, they are so happy, you make them so happy. You don't get to spend loads of time with them during the week so I know you cherish the weekends with them, your laugh when your mucking around with them is priceless. Your the best daddy I could ever ask for, for our girls.

Lastly  I would like to say thank you for taking on Ava the way you have, You are all she knows as a dad. You are her dad and there's nothing else too it. You didn't have to do  it but you did, and that makes you such an incredible man. A man your mother should be proud of and I know that she is. You should also be proud of yourself babe, the dad you have turned into is amazing and I cant wait to have more of your babies.

Happy Fathers Day Tom

Love from Me Ava And Bella

Love you always baby  xxx

A letter to dad

A letter to dad

Dear Dad,


I don't even know where to start, how do I even begin to say thank you to you. I have a mountain of things to be grateful for I just don't know where to start. Sure you did the dad stuff when I was young, you know the normal dad stuff like teaching me to swim, teaching me to ride a bike, taking me to the park providing a safe and secure home for me and keeping me fed and watered. There were also the unconventional things you did with me too like taking me on ghost walks, to haunted prisons and of course loosing me and a little shop in pontins... I had to bring that up haha. We had so much fun going to all the plane museums and air shows too didn't we dad. I used to and still do love hearing you tell me all about them in great detail, its amazing how much you know so clever. The smile on your face when you would show me around these places was heart warming, I remember thinking those days that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I think I knew more about the spitfire before I was 10 than any other girl did in her lifetime, I am so grateful you have filled my head with all  that knowledge. Thank you. I think back to all these time with a smile the size of the world, I'm so happy we have done so much together, you know I get a little teary too dad, how did it all go too fast? One minuet I was relying on you left right and centre and being your companion  to all these places and now I have my own family to run and I don't live that close. I do miss those times a lot but I have had to grow up I just wish the days never went so quick. I will cherish these memories forever, you gave me a lovely childhood.

I remember seeing the two lines on that stick and it didn't feel real. I couldn't believe it and it never sunk in till I, well Elisa told Mum. Soon the realisation hit that I would have to tell you, I would have to tell you dad that your little girl was pregnant at 17. I was petrified, I knew I had let you down. I thought you would be disgusted, ashamed and embarrassed. I hid out at a mates when mum told you, I had my phone in my hand waiting for Mum to tell me she had told you. When you picked me up from a friends things had never been so awkward between us, you barely spoke to me and all I wanted was a cuddle and for you to tell me you loved me and it was going to be okay, I was scared dad I was still a child which I could tell is what you were thinking, but I wanted to keep my baby. I knew you would come around when you got used to the idea. I knew you loved me unconditionally and that you would be there for me, so when you started smiling about it I knew it was going to be okay. One time really sticks out in my mind, when we was in gran canaria and you spoke about the baby girl in my belly. It was different, you was smiling about her you was talking about when she was going to be here like you never had before, I knew then I had your unconditional support, I knew you would be by my side. By my side that you were especially when the hard part came. My labour, it was painful and needed an epidural, you got me through it, kept me still and held my hand, without you I wouldn't have done it I want you to know that. Thank you for being there during that, thank you for never leaving my side the whole time. Some woman may feel weird having their dads see that but I didn't it felt right and it felt natural and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I needed my daddy there and I would have you there again. When Ava arrived it was magical you had the first proper cuddle, you were natural with her,  the love in your eyes was amazing and its then I think you made the promise to always be there for her. And that you have been, you have been there for her since the day she was born till now and continue to be your a wonderful granddad not just to Ava not just to Bella but to all your grandchildren, there's a reason they love you so much.

Thank you dad for giving me a home when it was just me and Ava, you could have easily have told me to find somewhere but you didn't. Whenever I needed you, you were always right there offering a hand in help and you still are. You were there to give me break of an evening by cuddling my little bundle till she was soundo. You where happy to change her and feed her, taking on daddy responsibilities you sure made being a single parent easier. You made me see being single parent was not something to be ashamed of, you always told me I was doing a good job. That meant the world to me. If you thought I was doing good then I didn't care what everyone else thought your opinion was the one that mattered most. Sure over time I met Tommy and grown up more, had another baby and moved out. But dad I'm still your little girl. Just a bit heavier these days. I want to thank you for letting Tom move in, I had fell in love and you helped my heart not break. I may have found love dad but you will always be my first love and the love I have for you in unconditional. Thank you for not booting me out even when my family expanded and space was tight. I felt so ashamed that I hadn't  and couldn't give my girls a home but the fact you did and you let us stay made it easier. Of course the time came when we moved, I had tears in my eyes the whole time and know you did too, we knew we wouldn't see each other all the time and I knew it was breaking your heart being separated from Ava. I hope you see I am trying to see you as much as I can, though saying goodbye never gets easier, I miss you dad and I know the girls miss you too.

I want to mention when you lost granddad, I know its random but its the first time I saw you cry properly. It broke your heart and I felt helpless because I wanted to fix it for you. I wanted to cuddle you and tell you it would get easier and it will be okay. He would be so proud of you, of the dad you are, the granddad you are and the incredible man you are. He lives on in you we can all see it.

I have been through so much two very difficult times to be exact and you know what I'm talking about, I could have broken, I nearly did. I know those times are probably hard for you to think of and painful, but with out your support through them I don't know where I would be now. I do look and think how did I get where I am now, how did I get from some painful moments in my life to a happy family now, well that's because of you and mum guiding me through and being the best support system, I owe who I am today to you.

This letter is to you, to say thank you for being you thank you for doing so much for me beyond what is expected. All I have ever wanted was to make you proud dad the way I am of you. You truly are one in a million, I have struck gold. Happy fathers Day dad. I love you... unconditionally.

Lots of love

Your little girl.  

The Weekend - A Special Time

Our Lovely readers

I'm not going to lie I do like the weekend, I do look forward too it. Don't get me wrong I love the weeks with my girls but, there is just something about the weekend when Toms home and we are all together.

I suppose some of  it is relief, it gets tiring during the week, running around after two littlens all day, that's to be expected. I know when Toms home I can share the load....sometimes. There is nothing more aggravating than when I ask  him to do something like change a nappy or make a bottle and he says 'cant you do it'.... I'm sorry what?? I have been doing this all week, I have changed more pooey nappies than I have had hot dinners, I could of bathed in the amount sick that has been produced, I've nearly broke my ankle about 50 times on about 50 different types of toys, I've made so much food I could have fed the army and about 6 world wars have broke out between me and a 4 year old..(this is all in one week) and you want me to change yet another dirty nappy and make another bottle. By this time I have practically turned green like the hulk. So I tell him no I can't 'do it' this is your time daddy boy, your time to be mummy. I would like to tell you this works. But it don't. With all my annoyance I end up caving.. I really need to work on that haha. But no he is really good, he only says that about once a weekend. Other than that I am really lucky and on the weekends I do get a rest. He cooks, amuses the children and does a few nappies and bottles. This weekend I have been really fortunate in him cleaning too!

I also overly enjoy the weekends for family time...this is the main reason for my excitement. We love to do things as a family on the weekends, nothing expensive just quality time. This would be anything from activities at home, to going to the park, to play centres, to picnics or even going to see grandparents. I think family time is very important it keeps you connected and as a unit. I enjoy seeing the girls spend time with daddy, the smile on their faces melts my heart and to be honest nothing will beat that feeling.

To some the weekend is just the weekend. But to me, to us its so much more. Its memories, its my girls childhood, its the only two days a week both parents  are together with them. Its the only two nights, me and Tom can stay up a bit later and spend some quality time together.

All in all my personal definition  of the weekend is - The time of the week for relaxation, family madness, and happy days with a special sprinkling of bonding and memory creating.

I know some of you may find this post boring or irrelevant, but I felt I needed to share what the weekend means to me, so often we go 'thank god its the weekend' but why? Why do we think that? what does the weekend mean to you?


LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Happy Birthday Tom!

Happy Birthday Tommy

 

Dear My Tom Tom,

Another year has come around, you are another year older, though you never look it, this makes me insanely jealous. Another year you have worked hard to provide for us. In this year you have made sure a lot happened for us and if it wasn't for you we would be sitting in our own front room right now. You never do all you do for people to notice or for people to tell the world, you do it for us your family because you love us just us much as we love you. You are an insanely fantastic fiancé, loving me, giving me comfort, always being there for me when times are tough, giving me someone to talk too at all hours an working with me as a team to bring up our two gorgeous little girls. This is the perfect time for me to tell you what an amazing daddy you are, you never fail too make our girls smile or laugh, you are and authority figure and their bestest friend. Your the to give them a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on, your everything a daddy should be. So us as your family would like to say a massive THANK YOU for now, for the past and for the future. HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY TOM TOM/DADDY. Have the best day that you deserve. We Love you now and forever.

LotsOfLove
Beth, Ava and Bella...xxx 

 

Holding On Or Letting Go

image from pinterest

In May I was happy and by July that all ended. I fell for someone that had zero intention of getting into an relationship and even though I knew that, I let myself fall. Weirdly this has been awful and so hard to "move on/get over". This person I have known since I was 17 years old so I have been friends with him for over 6 years. The moment I met him I fell for him and I had feelings straight away but I was young, stubborn and stupid enough to ignore these feelings. Years went by but the feelings didn't go. Last year I finally grew a pair and told him the truth about how I felt but it was too late, He got into an relationship. I felt stupid and wished I told him years ago. Then end of last year he was single, we met up but it didn't feel right. It felt awkward but weirdly my feelings still didn't stop but we stopped speaking to each other.

Forward to beginning of this year.. We started speaking again just as friends. I knew straight away that I just wanted to be with him, I was fed up with my life in general and didn't want to waste anymore time. He was open and honest about how he felt and what he wanted and maybe I should of walked away till he fully is ready but for a girl who had these feelings for many of years, its not easy. We started meeting up and I felt so good, I felt like it was an escape from normal life and being with him I felt happy which I didn't feel for a long time. Maybe I got too deep quickly or let myself fall hard and acted stupid. To cut a long story short at the beginning of July we stopped speaking/seeing. It was hard, depressing and weird. Someone who I have always had to text for 6 years suddenly wasn't there to talk to. To be honest he didn't handle things well and even though it never turned nasty, I just felt anger. Anger towards him, angry at how he knew how I felt yet totally ignored that, angry for letting myself fall deep for him and generally angry at him for making me sad. I don't know why I was more upset about this more than the way I felt being heartbroken by my first love. I think because now I'm older grown up and just want to settle down and be happy. Me and this guy stopped all contact and I feel nothing but anger towards him. Of course my feelings haven't stopped and I wish I could turn it off like a tap.

The past month or so has been a massive struggle for me. In my health, family and just in general and this hasn't made it any easier. With me being at home constantly, it allows me to overthink so much and it drives me crazy. Beth has been amazing throughout all of this and has made me see a lot of sense which I am grateful for.

I never asked for marriage, for kids, for anything serious quick, I simply asked for honesty and to be happy. I promised him I will always try my best to make him happy as a friend or whatever. Recently we have spoken, just general and suddenly I felt like I was back at square one. I have been trying to put him at the back of my mind and I was doing fine but all of a sudden that changed. I am not saying I want him back ASAP but I would just love to have the chance to try. I hate that now days people just give up so easily and you hardly see couples try and work things out. Life isn't easy and we all have our own battles so we should try and help each other, make things work and fix things that are broken not just throw them away. I would love to be with him I am not going to lie to myself anymore but I am putting myself first. Something that I have never done before with any guy. Maybe we are not meant to be or maybe we are meant to be. Who knows. 

No one can predict the future but sometimes I just wish I knew some parts of the future so I can feel happy. I have to continue in getting myself better, better in a way that I can be sure that I will and can be fine alone. Being in love/relationship/happy is something we are need and wish for. If you don't love yourself then no one will love you, I truly believe that. I have depression badly  that is making a massive impact to my life. I am saying things I wouldn't say, I am doing things I never would, I am feeling and thinking stuff that I wouldn't feel if I wasn't depressed. I want a relationship and kids in the future of course, but right now I am putting myself first which is weirdly a good feeling. If I am better then I can make/say/do better things. I know my chronic illnesses won't ever disappear but I know my depression can. I constantly think is he the one, isn't he the one, was it meant to happen so we can go back, was it meant to happen because we are not meant to be, are we going to have a second chance or is that is. I feel like I have wasted so many years having feelings for someone for it to just mess up in a couple of months.

6/7 years of having feelings for someone is a weird feeling in itself. Especially as most of those years I thought we would never even meet up or see each other again so it was almost like I lost him. Whatever happens between us then I know I am going to be fine... I think. If it is meant to be then it will happen when its meant to but for now I am putting him in my heart as he isn't in my life. Life is weird, men are weird hahahaha!!!!!


Love Katie xx

Bella 7 month update!!!

7 months already! Where has the time gone? She's getting bigger but she is really thriving! 

My baby girl has come along so much and so well, she has taken to weaning like a duck to water and she's starting on lumps really well! 

 

Baby girl has also started sitting up!! 

AND Crawling....

She is getting cheesier by the day now she's crawling, going near things she knows she shouldn't and giving me her cheeky grin that always melts my heart!! I could help but getting a quick snap before pulling her away! 

Tho she is still small for her age and is still fitting in to 3/6 months with room to spare! She is coming on leaps and bounds. I'm so proud of her she is such a gorgeous baby girl.

LotsOfLove 

Beth...xxx

Happy Father's Day!!!

I would like to say a huge happy Father's Day to all dads out there I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day and get spoilt rotten! I would also like to say happy Father's Day to those dads that have been lost.

Happy Fathers Day Tommy 

Happy Father's Day Tom! You are so so brilliant. Your the best daddy I could ask for the girls to have and that the girls themselves can ask for. You work so hard for them making sure they never go without giving them all they want and need. You are the rock in this family and we are all so very lucky and grateful to have you. The girls love you millions Tommy forever and always. Xxxx

Happy Father's Day dad!!

Excuse the old photo! Happy Father's Day dad! You have been there for me through everything, been the glue to holding everything together. You were there for me when I needed you most and still are today helping me and my family in every way you can. You've helped make me the woman I have become and am becoming. Thank you dad. I love you xxxx

These men are two of the best men around and both deserve the best out of not only today but the rest of their lives. 

Lots Of Love 

Beth ...xxx

Mothers Day - From a Mum...

Well this is a great time of year, giving thanks to mothers, a person in most people's lives whose always been there your back bone to life and someone who will always be there no matter what. We will be seing loads of posts about what our mothers mean to us, so I thought I'd do a post from the other point of view. A mothers point of view. What it means to be a mummy having these gorgeous little people relying on you. 

Take me back five years you would never have thought I would become a mum let a lone a mum of two! I was the ditsiest rebellious person you could have met. I'm not going to lie I was selfish, and I was failing at aspects of my life, from what I wanted to do career wise and relationship wise. You see I would ALWAYS pick the wrong ones! So you would not expect me out of all people to become a mum. 

  In early to mid 2011 I found out I was pregnant and facing single parent hood. It was a shock. A good one. I was plagued full of emotions scared, excited , loving. Eventually the 6th December came and my beautiful daughter Ava was born. It was the happiest day. I held her in my arms. I looked at her, and I promised her that although she didn't have a dad I was going to do both jobs. I was going to be there for her love her care for and always do the best I could. I found my calling in life and that was to be a mum. for two years I  was a single mum, working out and managing my money to give her the best I could and looking after her on my own. I enjoyed it being a mum was everything.

When I met Tom I had no idea what he would make of Ava and what she would make of him, but they hit it off like a house on fire and as our relationship blossomed so did theirs. I was no longer single I now have a life partner bit more importantly Ava now has what she never did.. A dad. You see Biologically Toms not her father but he is her dad. Being her dads not blood it's about being there for her picking her up when she's down cuddling her when she cries and nursing her knees when she falls over.... He is all she knows and who she calls dad. Our life couldn't get any better could it?? That's what I thought but then I found out I was pregnant again. We were so happy and for me I wasn't scared this time because I wasn't going to be a single mummy I was going to be a mummy as part of a partnership. You think when your pregnant with your second what if it's different this time what if it's not the same. 

On the 19th December 2014 Bella was born and no it was no different! I had the same emotions as I did the first time the same thoughts this was equally the best day of my life. I held her tiny body in my arms held her tiny hand and I wanted to burst out in tears I was so proud she is perfect just like Ava and I also promise her what I did Ava except this time I didn't have to promise to be daddy Aswell. 

When I look at both my girls my eyes fill up, I want to cry, I made these two and they are the two most perfect little princess in the world  I'm so proud to have them both.

Us mums we are busy, our lives are hectic, we don't stop from the minute we open our eyes to the minuet we close them. We spend our days tired, our hairs a mess we have sick on our shoulders, we have washing coming out of our ear holes, CBeebies on 24/7, we are forever cleaning up spilt juice spilt milk crumbs and food trod into the carpet, we wipe bums and go through tears and tantrums , cleaning cuts and grazes, making bottles and dinners, ironing clothes making beds, we are up half the night wiping away tears and fighting off nightmares. Through all this we never moan and we won't, we don't do all this because we have too we do it because we WANT to .. Because we are the mother of our children this is our job and our honour, we do it because our children are the most important thing to us and all this is part of that promise we make the day you are born that promise to love and look after you and protect you till the day we die. 

Happy Mothers Day to all you mothers out there you are doing a great job.

Lots Of Love 

Beth...xxx 

Bella 2 month update

Sorry I ain't done this sooner! Had a busy couple weeks! 

Bella started her second month with her first injections as any mother would know it's horrible seing your baby have them! But she was so good only had a little cry but not much she was also a bit sleepy after but she was a big brave girl! 

Bella is well into her 2 months! She is coming in leaps and bounds and getting bigger! Though not that big, she's only 9lb 6oz due to her sickness problem .. That still ain't fully resolved. After being told she had reflux and being put on ranitidine she was still bringing up milk and not putting weight on properly. They still think it's reflux so waiting for her out patients app. So I've taken it into my own  hands in the meantime. My health visitor suspected a lactose intolerance so Uve bought her lactose free milk by aptamil. And she may be bit sick dribble sick but it's not as much as before and she is also more comfortable and settled. She used to be un comfy on her feeds and screaming after as if she had belly ache but she hasn't done that since being in this milk :) .. 

On a lighter note she is such a happy little sole she is smily and giggly it melts my heart everytime I see her smile... 

We are having some wonderful family times already, it feels like we have never been without bella it's so heart warming when she gurgles back at us and she absolutely loves Ava I can tell they are going to have eachothers backs as they get older we have enjoyed some lovely family times in bellas second month including a trip to pontins! 

Hope you enjoyed the read :))

LotsOfLove

Betha...xxx

Valentine's

Firstly I would like to say that I hope everyone has had a happy loved filled valentines :). I personally have had one of the best days celebrating love of all kind that is in my life. Obviously I've had the most traditional love of valentines which is the love from my husband to be and my love for him and also the love love of my beautiful children. 

I would certainly like to say a big thank you to my Tommy he has spoilt me rotten! I recieved this morning a pair of Nike trainers and a lovely set of chocolates mug and socks and a marshmallow lolly! Topped off by a lovely meal In TGI Fridays. While I'm here I have to recommened TGI's for special occasions you definitely get what you pay for especially if you have the ribs! 

After the lovely meal I came home to find another gift. So shell shocked that I had recieved something else I couldn't really take it in. I had already been lucky enough to receive something else I was gobsmacked. You see I'm a very grateful person and I never expect anything, I have Tommy and my girls they are enough to make me happy every day and Tommy does so much for me already everyday I would never expect

Anything more from him. But anyway Tom is the most romantic man I have meant and is always treating me so to come home a beautiful  bunch of roses and a lovely valentines card I had tears in my eyes. Roses are my favourite bunch of flowers.

I also loved my card and the thought and effort my Mr Perfect put into it...

The amount that Tommy does for me I wanted to get him something special, something not to over the top but something to say that I know him that I take notice. So using me brain I thought of making him a little hamper using a basket I got at home and purchasing his gifts tissue paper and wrapping paper I was away. And I'm glad to say he loved it in his hamper he got a variety of chocolates he likes, wine, deodorant, Mr perfect boxers and some Mr men socks. 

He loves his card too!... 

Now valentines is not just about the relationship love. I believe it's about any kind of love. Including the love for your children. Me and Tommy really embraced this and made Valentine's Day about all of us, as a family because when you have a family that is what Valentine's Day is truely about. So we got the girls a valentines gift and they also came a long to the meal too we had a really lovely day all together, we got Ava a Disney princess hair set and egg and Bella Winnie the Pooh rattle. 

Overall today has been filled with love and laughter for me and my family. I am one lucky girl. I couldn't ask for a better husband to be I will love him now and forever till the day I die. We also have the two best daughters who we love more than anyone could ever know who we would die for. 

I hope everyone has enjoyed their day as much as I and my family has.

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

Challenge Two!

I haven't done a parenting blog post in a while. I thought I may let you all know how I'm getting on with two... 

Those who say having two is easy must be telling porkies! Because I can confess it is one of the most demanding and hard working parenting jobs! I love having my two girls and I love running around all day sorting out my two little princesses. But there is no point lying it does leave me knackered at the end of the day. I Spose you can say having two is tireing, demanding, hard work, joyful, rewarding and most heart warming things in the world and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being a mummy of two! 

Particularly at the moment my 3 year old Ava's behaviour has gotten a bit worse. I think maybe at times she may be fighting for attention but sometimes this is not the reason. When you have two especially when one is so young and needs feeds and bum changes there and then when they need them it's hard for the older child to understand that the baby don't understand and the whole daily routine has to managed around the lovely new bundle. It's a good idea to keep the older child involved as much as possible, letting them help with nappy changes and feeds and letting them have cuddles as much as possible. It will help them see the new baby is not a threat but a companion. I've noticed when Ava's helping her behaviour is better, though she can still show off its not as bad. 

 I'm confident I've got the managing of Ava's jealousy behaviour changes under control and I am getting all the tips I can off of health visitors ect to manage the rest of it. She is a lovely little girl but she just puts a litttle guard up sometimes when she's upset or angry. 

 Going back to the  let the toddler help topic Ava is a good little helper always on hand to pass me nappies and wipes and to throw things in the bin ect. She has always been happy to lend her mummy a hand, ending the task with a lovely " I love you mummy " this melts my heart everytime.  I love both my girls with all my heart and there's nothing better than having my little girl helping me with my baby girl. It makes me realise that later in life I will have no worries about Ava because she will be such a loving caring young lady. 

Although Ava has felt the normal sibling rivalry with her baby sister it is clear she loves her the world and will protect her and be there for her for the rest of her life. It's also clear that Bella is fascinated with her big sister and loves her also. I know and am confident that my girls will be as thick as thieves. 

LotsOfLove 

Beth...xxx

Happy 21st Birthday Beth

Today it is Beth's 21st birthday. Beth has been in Essex since yesterday and is spending the weekend at her parents home with Tommy and Ava. While Myself and my Mother will be joining them very soon. Today is the day my family get to meet the rest of Beth's family who we haven't met yet so it is an exciting day for all of us. I truly hope Beth has an amazing day and gets lots and lots of beautiful gifts. 


Dear Beth, 

"Sister in law by chance, friends by choice". This quote is very true. I'm very lucky to have you not only as my sister in law (to be) but also as a very lovely friend. You listen when I have my random rants, you care when I'm ill, you always make us laugh with your funny random words and I'm proud at you for being a amazing mother to Ava and soon to be to Bella. Thank you for giving me two beautiful Nieces ( I know Bella will be beautiful lol ), and for making my Brother the most happiest man alive. You two generally are made for each other and I will always be here to support, care and love you all. Happy 21st Birthday to my amazing Friend. 

Love from your Sister in law, friend, personal organizer, beauty therapist and now my blogging partner.  

Can we all wish Beth a very happy birthday today and happy birthday to anyone who shares this day. Hope you all have had a super weekend.


Love Katie x 

Tommy & Beth: Our Little Love Story

So I thought it would be a good idea to tell you all how I came to find my true prince charming (sorry for the cringe factor!) and became to be a part of this lovely family...

Never being one to go out clubbing, drinking ect, I knew finding
love wouldn't be easy and would only be in with a chance of 'pulling' once a year (prob Christmas or New Year). Not that I was going out looking for men, but you are always aware that you could possibly go home at the end of the night with either a big ego and a new number on your contact list or with ya self esteem shot down and asking yourself why you have a phone. I had come to a point in my life where I realised love wouldn't come knocking at my door and decided to give internet dating a try... 

I used to be very skeptical about internet dating due to the amount of horror stories you hear about them... and believe me there are a few questionable characters on there, but I decided to put my hesitations to one side and give it a go! Why not? 
I found myself getting a lot of private messages of cringy chat up lines and getting into some weird conversations with some strange men its then I started questioning my decision on joining the site so I signed myself off. 
Its scary to think I almost never met the 'one' and how different my life could have ended up, I thank my lucky stars I had one last random check of my online dating inbox, because sitting there was a message from a guy who was sweet, kind and thoughtful a guy who as soon as saw his picture just looked different from the rest, maybe it was the look in his eye I don't know. It was the message I had hoped for from the the man I had always dreamed of, my future husband. 


The first picture I saw of Tommy ... 

With  his number in my inbox I excitedly sent the first text message and we have not looked back. We was texting non stop from that point on. I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach every time I saw he had messaged me and my fingers were twitching to text back. Not long after starting our text conversations we decided it was time for a phone call and one evening he rung me, his voice was like magic, all I thought it would be and more we clicked even  more and spent 5 hours on the phone not going asleep til early hours. Every night on from that we would speak on the phone for 3 hours each time, needless to say our phone bills took a bashing but it was so worth it!. To be honest, I think our families got a bit annoyed at us talking through the night and keeping them up but I am sure they would now agree that they wouldn't have had it any other way because we have ended up so happy. 

Our first date: 

I was on at Tom to come and see me, with him the only one that drove it made sense that he came to me first and Tommy being the gentleman he is wouldn't have it any other way. Once Tommy finally set a date to come and see me I was buzzing for the two weeks leading up to it and the Saturday couldn't come round quick enough,tho it felt like those weeks dragged!! When the day finally came I spent ages getting ready and couldn't shake the feeling of butterflies! I even  made my mum answer the door because I was so nervous! I didn't want him to see me and  be disappointed because believe me when I laid eyes on him for that first time I felt like a Disney princess staring into the eyes of my handsome prince charming.We had a lovely time going for Nandos  and to the cinema, we laughed and joked and just clicked straight away it felt like we had known each other forever, we even had our first kiss! By the time it came to say goodbye I felt like part of me was leaving, so we arranged a meeting in London the next weekend.We have been inseparable ever since.

My first trip to Windsor:

Tommy took me to meet his family in Windsor not long after our trip to London, it was the most amazing weekend of my life! As soon as I entered the family home everyone was immediately welcoming and kind. We spent our first nights together and woke up to each other it was bliss. Tommy took me to nandos and Windsor castle, I remember kissing Tom in the car when we got back from the castle, I just remember thinking how perfect my life was, I still think that. When Tommy took me back to Essex that Sunday it was so hard to say could bye with both of us ending up in tears. We missed each other so much I ended up returning on the Wednesday. 

 Where are we now?:

We have never been apart since our weekend in Windsor, Tommy soon moved in with me in Essex at my parents home but due to work commitments we have recently moved to Windsor. Since the day we met me and Tom have got engaged hoping to marry next year and I am currently 8 months pregnant with a baby girl, not forgetting our beautiful daughter Ava. I am the happiest woman alive, my life is fulfilled with and wonderful husband to be and two beautiful daughters. Although we have our ups and downs and the odd argument we are stronger than any couple you will ever know, we are meant to be Tom is my soul mate. We are a team and get through any obstacles together. I love him so much and always will do. 

Thats mine and Toms story, for those of you that want a nice little quick read, this is a little insight to our lives so far. 

Hope you enjoyed, remember true love never dies ...

Lots Of Love 
Beth ...xxx

Ava's Cath Kidston Bag Collection

As an auntie, I LOVE buying and treating my Niece to stuff. Whether it be sweets, stuff from the charity shop or more expensive items Ava is very thankful and isn't a fussy child. When I heard Ava was moving into our family home and was going to be starting school in Windsor, I instantly said I want to buy her a Cath Kidston school bag as I wanted to buy her something that wasn't Minnie Mouse, Peppa Pig or anything character for a change. I didn't realise how amazing their kids items was and so much Ava has ended up with a whole line of Cath Kidston items haha. She adores them and so do we. Here is what myself and Beth brought her...  

THE SCHOOL BAG: 

When myself and Ava went into Cath Kidston store in Windsor, she instantly ran up to the mini backpacks and picked out the pattern called "Bramley" which was so pretty. For £16 for a school bag people may think that is way too overpriced but for the quality it is defiantly worth the money. At her school there are few children with the same bags and they all know that Ava has the set of Cath Kidston bags. When she grows out of that bag, We will pass it onto Bella. 

THE PURSE:

When Ava picked out the design, I wanted to get her the mini purse to go with it. She puts this purse in the pocket on front of her school bag and she uses this money for treats after school. For £4 this is honestly worth the money, not only is it good quality but it's a perfect size.

THE LUNCH BAG: 

This bag is called a "Mini Shopper" but we thought it was perfect size for her lunch. Beth actually brought this for her as it was the last item we brought. This was £8 which again people may say for a lunch bag is over priced but all these items came to £28, is used 3 days a week and still looks brand new. 

These items all are easy to wash, good quality and maybe overpriced for what they are for but in the long run they work out cheap. When she grows out of all these items, I know we would of kept them in good condition and ready to be used for Bella when she is around 2/3 years old. Ava loves Peppa Pig and Minnie Mouse but having something different was something we all agreed on and now everyone knows at her school whose items they are is even better because they will never get lost or accidentally taken home. 

I defiantly recommend anything from the Cath Kidston kids stuff is you're stuck on ideas what to get for Christmas or birthdays or to treat your little ones. I shall be buying her some more items for her Christmas stocking this year. Maybe a cheeky baby grow for Bella but don't tell my bank balance haha. 

Love Katie xx