Relationship Revelation

My lovely readers

You know being in a relationship is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And I've been a single parent. When your single and you think about relationship life you believe its all just going to fall in to your lap, if you find your 'soul mate' so to speak then it will be easy. You will get together and sail off into the sunset and live a life of no stress and no work. Well that's how it works in the movies isn't it? Naïve indeed, but that was me back then. Yes I had a child but when It came to family life I hadn't a clue, I lived with my parents one of them being a mother that wouldn't let me touch the cooker or washing machine, or my bed for that matter. Of course this meant I had it a bit easy but in reality it taught me f***k all about life and how to look after myself ect. My parents never gave me great talks about relationships, what to expect, what its like when you find 'the one' and so on. It wasn't their fault they wasn't s**t parents, they were just from an older generation and found it a bit awkward, whereas parents of today don't. But still whatever the how I was so uneducated when  it came to relationships, whatever I did know was self taught, so I pretty much had to wing it all. The dating, the first night together, the meeting the family, the talk of what you both want, and then the most serious stuff. And of course the sex stuff like,  hey I'm on the pill but do you wanna wear a condom for a double whammy of protection. Which by the way me and Tom didn't and I fell pregnant on the pill.

The honeymoon period was the hardest to understand, sure it was lovely and easy while we were in it, but its the coming out of it I'm talking about, you know the bit where you emerge into a 'proper established' couple, like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon as butterfly. This is the bit I would have personally like a heads up about. Things change and unless you have been given the heads  up you start to question EVERYTHING. Nothing stays the same, the romance dies down a little, the man gets extremely comfortable and thinks he don't have to woo you and you feel like you can let out your most embarrassing traits and so does he. You tend to bicker because well you know that you don't have to pretend that you love each others bad habits. As a woman I find then that you can get extremely paranoid that he's not into you anymore. He weren't like it before (honeymoon period). In reality he is into just as much but he just knows that he's got you now. You become an unromantic nose picking, wind releasing love making pair. To be honest the love making is the only thing that remains pretty much the same, well it did in my case that was until I was heavily pregnant, even then we didn't stop completely. I fell pregnant in the honeymoon period, which is pretty rare. And during the honeymoon period Tom was obviously getting to know Ava who was very young at the time. He was taking her on as his own. So where as normal couples only experience the normal changes of settling into an established relationship, we had a few extra. Poor Tom had to deal with someone with hormones that hit space and come crashing back down with a massive thud, when he didn't leave me then I knew he was a keeper, I had practically turned into a pig to the point where you could have put me in a pen and I would have fitted in quite well, how he kept up with the amount of food I shoved down me I don't know. Trying to make myself look as attractive as I was when we met, while being pregnant and the size of a house was pretty difficult in itself, though he always said how beautiful I was I was still over paranoid I was gonna loose him. When you add money problems like Tom loosing his job, finding a place to live ect, things got pretty tough. It tested us. We did argue, of course we did. We both got hugely stressed, but we had each other and we both knew we were stronger together. When Tom finally got another stable job and things started to ease it was time for me to give birth to our beautiful Bella. This is where I knew our relationship was for good, he literally saw me toilet during childbirth and although he was nearly sick in his own mouth, he still confessed his love for me. Of course I was mortified when he first told me what he had seen as doing that during childbirth was one of my biggest fears but, now I couldn't give a s**t (pardon the pun). It proved how strong Toms love for me actually is.

Now we have been together 3 years, its been a rocky road full of ups and downs, stresses and joys. Tom can wind me up to the point where I want to scream, whether he does it in a jokey way or a moody way and then in the click of his fingers he can calm  me down and make me laugh. Family life can stress out a relationship, this is sometimes what I wanted mum to make me aware of, sure you can give the safe sex talk, how to handle dates first kisses ect, but what about handling the relationship in the comfy stages, how to deal with emotions when you have an argument ect. When me and Tom have an argument I get so upset, I'm a very emotional person. Heck sometimes I thought life would be easier to walk out, this is when we are arguing. Your head and thoughts get so blurred when your angry. This is when I look into his eyes and all the bad feeling and thoughts all  just melt away, its like looking into them when we first met and falling in love with him all over again. I don't know how he does it.

I suppose from this I wanna hand out some advice, some of you won't need it, some of you might. No matter how much that person annoys you no matter how often they don't do the dishes or they don't pick up their clothes. No matter how many times they make constant jokes they think are funny or moan at you for one thing or another. When you are in that moment where the stress has  built up and you think you just can't do it anymore. Don't run. Its not the answer, if everyone gave up on their relationship when it got a bit stressful then we would all be single. Look into their eyes, see what made you fall in love with this person in the first place, that person is still there. You both just need to make an effort to ensure that you both see that from time to time. Sit down find it in your hearts to forgive each others imperfections and embrace each other. Enjoy each other because one day you wont be able too. Remember like me and Tom your the strongest when together and united. I don't know about you but when me and Tom are united I feel on top of the world, in fact, I feel like I can take on the world. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my partner, my first love and my true love and I will always be by his side.  


Thanks for reading

Until next time :)

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx


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The big M

It never used to bother me, you know the whole living at home with parents, even when I had Ava and was a single mum I didn't mind staying in my parents home, its all I knew and I weren't in a hurry to take the leap in to independence. I had a new little baby that was enough of a change and I was 18 so it was still acceptable. After having Ava it did dawn on me that I was the 'third wheel' so to speak. But I didn't care, I had the right to be there, I was their daughter, like Ava was mine so I knew it didn't bother them after all you can never picture your child leaving home and don't tend to think about it.

Time went on, I started college, another reason for me not to take the leap, I wanted to finish the course before I thought about taking on the moving challenge, and also getting a job at the end of it was fore front of my mind too. Now I had a boyfriend at that point. Together for a year you would think we would have thought about the next step, but he turned out to have the mind of a five year old and a dragon of a controlling nan so I got out of that relationship faster than Usain Bolt running the 100m. By no means did this dampen my spirits, I stayed at home and continued studying and Ava was coming up for her second birthday. It was then that my sister made a joke that me being me took seriously. This changed my  life forever, in a good way don't be alarmed. You should try online dating she said, so I did.


To be honest I wasn't looking for 'love' I thought I would just see what it was like. I had heard about online dating and now seeing myself as an adult I didn't see the harm. Oh my it wasn't the best dating site to try, but it was one advertised on Facebook so I thought it must be popular. Some of the wronguns that messaged me on there were unbelievable. I even texted a few. Don't ask me why. I saw it all, cheesy chat up lines, a fairly normal bloke who was still tied up on his ex so much so I started to think they were still together! I had boring blokes which had less personality than my sofa, and weird stalker types, which were possessive after a day of texting, I would rather of had my eyes gauged out by a bear while being stung by a thousands of angry bees than have spoke to them a day longer. I pretty much gave up on the whole online dating scene having wrote it off as a place of creeps. I don't know why I went back on there, curiosity killed the cat as they say. But I was right to do so because sitting in my inbox was a little message from my now fiancé and father of my two children. (Ava knows him as daddy he's all she knows )we have now been together for nearly 3 years.

 

I suppose it was when I was pregnant with Bella I started to think of my own space. We had lived with Toms parents and mine at separate times during my pregnancy. Going from pillar to post we both come to the realisation we both had no place to call home. These two houses we had grown up in no longer felt like home. For the first time the place I had lived in for like 12 years was my parents home. That was how we knew that it was time. It was time to move. To get our own place our own space. stand on our own two feet. Unfortunately due too medical problems in my pregnancy it was decided that it was best not to until Bella had arrived. And of course the main problem MONEY. I didn't feel to stressed out about it while I was pregnant. It wasn't until Bella was born that it bothered me the most. Things got really difficult living with my parents. Me and my mum started arguing. A lot. Little things she did annoyed me. I started to want my own place desperately, a far cry from how I was when I had just had Ava, I had grown up. I would cry about it most days wanting to move came an obsession. I would look at properties online all day everyday and imagine myself in them. I nearly took a disgusting flat, it was Tommy that made me realise. After that I tried not to think about it but It was still there in my head, I NEEDED to move. Eventually Tommy came up with viewings randomly, to my delight we viewed a place and liked it and with the deposit saved up safe and sound in our bank account we were good to go. I faced the most painful, longest, agonising week of my life hoping everything would go through okay, I cant explain to you how it felt when we got a moving date. That was a magical day. To be honest it didn't seem real I was on cloud 9 and thought I was watching someone else moving into their place. That night felt good. Relaxed. Now came the next challenge.


I had it, all I had wanted. But I was in a new place that was completely alien to me. I had gone from Essex to Woodley In berks over night. It was new. I had no idea what was in my area, where the busses went, where the local hospital was ect. it took months to get used too and to know. At first and I will be honest I felt I didn't belong, I mean how can someone who knows nothing about the place and had a noticeable different accent belong? On top of it all the whole flat was my responsibility , that was daunting, more daunting than motherhood strangely enough. I had too cook dinners if not my family didn't eat, I had to do all the washing if not my family had no clothes, I would have to get the shopping in to make sure I was able to cook, I had to make sure we didn't run out of money and make sure the rent was paid on time to make sure we didn't become homeless. I had to make sure the house was clean so that my kids don't live in a dirt pit and get unhealthy. It was stressful, before I only had to look after myself and make sure my kids were looked after and fed. Now Everything was down to me and with Tom at work If I didn't do it, it would fall apart. I'm not going to lie it took a while to find my feet.

Fortunately now all is okay. Yes I am in a new place to where I grew up, but this area is now home, its where my children will grow up. when we drive back into Woodley, I feel relaxed I feel at ease and familiar I feel, 'ahhh I'm home'. I know what is around me. On the house chores side of it, I am no longer stressing, I am on top of it all once a day is done I sit on the sofa with a sense of achievement feeling like I have just climbed mount Everest and won the FA cup all in one day. All in all I am so happy, I'm so happy I have moved and I am so happy my attitude towards moving changed. Me and my mum get a long so much better too!


Its crazy how much your life can change and how your views can change but if I have one bit of advice to others, if you feel an urge to do something like chase your dreams or a change in your views don't fight it go with it, it is part of you evolving and is a growth of your life and your character.

Thanks for reading

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx