Relationship Revelation

My lovely readers

You know being in a relationship is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And I've been a single parent. When your single and you think about relationship life you believe its all just going to fall in to your lap, if you find your 'soul mate' so to speak then it will be easy. You will get together and sail off into the sunset and live a life of no stress and no work. Well that's how it works in the movies isn't it? Naïve indeed, but that was me back then. Yes I had a child but when It came to family life I hadn't a clue, I lived with my parents one of them being a mother that wouldn't let me touch the cooker or washing machine, or my bed for that matter. Of course this meant I had it a bit easy but in reality it taught me f***k all about life and how to look after myself ect. My parents never gave me great talks about relationships, what to expect, what its like when you find 'the one' and so on. It wasn't their fault they wasn't s**t parents, they were just from an older generation and found it a bit awkward, whereas parents of today don't. But still whatever the how I was so uneducated when  it came to relationships, whatever I did know was self taught, so I pretty much had to wing it all. The dating, the first night together, the meeting the family, the talk of what you both want, and then the most serious stuff. And of course the sex stuff like,  hey I'm on the pill but do you wanna wear a condom for a double whammy of protection. Which by the way me and Tom didn't and I fell pregnant on the pill.

The honeymoon period was the hardest to understand, sure it was lovely and easy while we were in it, but its the coming out of it I'm talking about, you know the bit where you emerge into a 'proper established' couple, like a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon as butterfly. This is the bit I would have personally like a heads up about. Things change and unless you have been given the heads  up you start to question EVERYTHING. Nothing stays the same, the romance dies down a little, the man gets extremely comfortable and thinks he don't have to woo you and you feel like you can let out your most embarrassing traits and so does he. You tend to bicker because well you know that you don't have to pretend that you love each others bad habits. As a woman I find then that you can get extremely paranoid that he's not into you anymore. He weren't like it before (honeymoon period). In reality he is into just as much but he just knows that he's got you now. You become an unromantic nose picking, wind releasing love making pair. To be honest the love making is the only thing that remains pretty much the same, well it did in my case that was until I was heavily pregnant, even then we didn't stop completely. I fell pregnant in the honeymoon period, which is pretty rare. And during the honeymoon period Tom was obviously getting to know Ava who was very young at the time. He was taking her on as his own. So where as normal couples only experience the normal changes of settling into an established relationship, we had a few extra. Poor Tom had to deal with someone with hormones that hit space and come crashing back down with a massive thud, when he didn't leave me then I knew he was a keeper, I had practically turned into a pig to the point where you could have put me in a pen and I would have fitted in quite well, how he kept up with the amount of food I shoved down me I don't know. Trying to make myself look as attractive as I was when we met, while being pregnant and the size of a house was pretty difficult in itself, though he always said how beautiful I was I was still over paranoid I was gonna loose him. When you add money problems like Tom loosing his job, finding a place to live ect, things got pretty tough. It tested us. We did argue, of course we did. We both got hugely stressed, but we had each other and we both knew we were stronger together. When Tom finally got another stable job and things started to ease it was time for me to give birth to our beautiful Bella. This is where I knew our relationship was for good, he literally saw me toilet during childbirth and although he was nearly sick in his own mouth, he still confessed his love for me. Of course I was mortified when he first told me what he had seen as doing that during childbirth was one of my biggest fears but, now I couldn't give a s**t (pardon the pun). It proved how strong Toms love for me actually is.

Now we have been together 3 years, its been a rocky road full of ups and downs, stresses and joys. Tom can wind me up to the point where I want to scream, whether he does it in a jokey way or a moody way and then in the click of his fingers he can calm  me down and make me laugh. Family life can stress out a relationship, this is sometimes what I wanted mum to make me aware of, sure you can give the safe sex talk, how to handle dates first kisses ect, but what about handling the relationship in the comfy stages, how to deal with emotions when you have an argument ect. When me and Tom have an argument I get so upset, I'm a very emotional person. Heck sometimes I thought life would be easier to walk out, this is when we are arguing. Your head and thoughts get so blurred when your angry. This is when I look into his eyes and all the bad feeling and thoughts all  just melt away, its like looking into them when we first met and falling in love with him all over again. I don't know how he does it.

I suppose from this I wanna hand out some advice, some of you won't need it, some of you might. No matter how much that person annoys you no matter how often they don't do the dishes or they don't pick up their clothes. No matter how many times they make constant jokes they think are funny or moan at you for one thing or another. When you are in that moment where the stress has  built up and you think you just can't do it anymore. Don't run. Its not the answer, if everyone gave up on their relationship when it got a bit stressful then we would all be single. Look into their eyes, see what made you fall in love with this person in the first place, that person is still there. You both just need to make an effort to ensure that you both see that from time to time. Sit down find it in your hearts to forgive each others imperfections and embrace each other. Enjoy each other because one day you wont be able too. Remember like me and Tom your the strongest when together and united. I don't know about you but when me and Tom are united I feel on top of the world, in fact, I feel like I can take on the world. He is my best friend, my soul mate, my partner, my first love and my true love and I will always be by his side.  


Thanks for reading

Until next time :)

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx


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Therapy & Bestfriends

image from pinterest

 

 

Sometimes we all get caught up in our own lives and don't realise what we all need is just a chat or hug with our close ones. With my depression I see my GP every few weeks and I take my antidepressants medications each day without fail and hopefully starting CBT soon and I have the best support around me who is Bethany.

 

If I wake up feeling down, depression, not wanting to get out of my bedroom and speak to anyone I will always text Beth each morning and tell her and just by telling her how I feel helps so much. When I am at hers and feeling down, she always asks me how I am or if there is anything she can do for me and I think people forget that is mostly all we need to make us feel abit better. Just a simple text asking how you are means literally so much. Most of my family are constantly putting me down, not believing depression and never ask the simplest of all questions " How are you". Last week I was in Essex at Beth's and my Depression was not good but it was the most happiest I've felt in ages. Beth does the little things but I don't think she realises how big those little things means. For example making me toast and tea in the morning to make sure I do not have my morning medication on an empty stomach, texts me once we are all in bed to make sure I am okay, asking me throughout the day how I am and always asking if I need anything. The other night face to face Beth said to me " How is your depression going at the moment and how do you feel" and literally I was so shocked it was someone close to me asking me that and not someone in the NHS. By Beth saying that it really made me think how lucky I am that not only have I have an amazing sister in law but also how I have a best friend out of her and my brother relationship. If my Brother didn't meet Beth then I wouldn't have a best friend right now helping me and supporting me.

 

Last week with Beth we didn't do much like activity wise but we chilled, watched Celebrity Big Brother, Had chats and a cuppa, got ready and done make up together and went through lots of Desperate Housewives Box Set on sky and literally I had the best time. To me that was like a therapy session that lasted for 7 days. I think we all need to look close to home and realise we need to be asking the simplest of questions to our close ones. Do we really know how our love ones really are? I've hid depression for years and years with hardly anyone knowing or even noticing so that just proves people can be hiding so much. When I go to the doctors it is nice to be ask how you are. The GP generally wants to know how you are, how your moods are and if you feel any better and I do feel a lot better after coming out of the doctors. When you know people generally are looking out for you, have your best interests in their heart, supports you and never judges that does make whatever your going through a little bit easier. I am so thankful for Beth and I don't think she realises. If anyone close to you simply asks a simple question then maybe ask them it back or tell them how much they mean to you and how much they are helping you.

 

So thank you to my sister in law for being my therapist last week and it is only a few weeks till I see her again... for my next therapy appointment ha!!

 

Love Katie x  

Having A Sister In Law Who Is My Best Friend

When my Brother met Bethany, I had no idea how much of an impact she would make to my life...As myself and my Brother are close in age and have always been close, had a good bond and are best friends so I always worried about the future and who he would marry and have kids with because I wanted to be able to still stay close to my Brother. I've seen in my family a brother and sister not speak about of their partners so I prayed Tommy would find a lady who would be lovely and I am glad to say he has.

I have never been a person who have had loads of friends as my family is quite big so I have had a lot of cousins who been the same or similar age and was all brought up together so they were my friends. Then at school I was bullied by people I thought were my "friends" and that made me loose all trust for people in general. I had one friend who lived two doors from me and was in the same year at my school but we drifted apart as I went to a different middle school are her. At that middle school I never really made any friends as I was constantly bullied. Then it was time to go to Windsor Girls School which was the worse 3 years of my life and resulted in my getting death treats, eating disorder, depression and self harmed. I made a few friends but one of them ended up being one of the girls who sent me death threats so I think I just gave up trying to even pretend to make friends. In my road there was about 10 of us all kind of the same age, boys and girls who always met up on the green to hang around and I suppose they were the people I classes as friends but neither of us has stayed in contact now we have all grown up. I have always been close to one of my cousin who is a year older than me but in 2014 that friendship ended due to many of lies and taking the piss blah blah. 

When I met Bethany, I remember being so nervous like I was on a first date haha. I instantly knew she is the one for my Brother as I could see how happy Tommy looked. We started talking over Facebook chat then via whatsapp and didn't realize how much in common we have and how much similar experiences/past we have. I think that why we get on so well and are so close because we now have someone to share, talk and who understand exactly about our past and problems ect. When Beth moved down here, we had the best time ever. Tommy was working nights then so it was just myself and Beth in the lounge at night so we had many chats and even the odd cry. Beth was pregnant during that time so it was an amazing experience to be able to be around to bond with her bump/Bella and for Beth to trust and want me to go to some of her hospital/midwife appointments with her. During this time I was only just diagnosed with my back condition and I truly think if I didn't have Beth around supporting me than I wouldn't of coped. We are like each others second brain... we tell each other straight and it might sound harsh but we both know we need each other to tell it how it is. It is actually scary how similar and alike we both are, same interest and even that same clothes and shoe sizes which is good as we both steal each others clothes haha. So not only did my Brother gained a fiance, his soulmate and two daughters but I have gained a Sister in law, best friend and two nieces. We are on the exact same wave length which is why we get on so well. 

Having a Blog with Beth is the best thing. I'm more on the technical side of it and Beth is more of the creative words and ideas. Having two of us running this blog is amazing because if I don't feel like blogging for a week or so then I know that Beth will blog so that our readers never miss out on a post. We know we haven't got the most best layout, design, pictures and post but we try and to us this is our little comfort blanket and personal space we go on. So I would like to thank Zoosk for making my Brother and Sister in law match on the site as now I have a best friend who I trust and love with all heart... Bethany I love you lots and I am so grateful for your continuous support, advice and help. 

Love Katie xx 

Just a little message...

I have just read in full Katie's negative comment post. Sorry for the late read my dear! Busy few days. 

This post touched me. Katie you are my sister in law and my best friend and to know the pain you are feeling every day is upsetting as you don't deserve it. I know how you have those bad days In which you struggle to get up and it makes me shiver when people have the cheek to call you lazy. I know you can't help it and I know how down it makes you feel when people right your condition off. Just because it ain't heard of a lot does not mean it doesn't exist and is not painful. Some people are very stuck on their ways and will not open their eyes to difference. 

I read the part where your upset because it is only early stages. I know the thought is terrifying, but you have so many possitives. At the moment it's not as it's worse so you can appreciate being able to be active And spending time with the girls. 

For now and in the future I want you to know that I will always be here for you morning noon and night, supporting you. In any way I can. And no matter how down you get I will always do my best to keep a smile on your face. Why? You ask. Because other than your brother no one has never just accepted me, and been a true honest friend, been there for a chat at all hours and has generally had a laugh with me. No other friend of mine has truely cared.  I hope you know that not only are you my sister in law but you are my true best friend too. 

I could have easily said all this by text yes . But I wanted to make this public number one for those other suffers that could relate to Katie's post I want you to know that not all of us this negatively of your condition there is always someone close to you that understand even if you don't know who yet. And number two because Katie is so thoughtful and generally a nice person that I believe it should be known. Katie has enough negativity thrown her way that she deserves some possitivity. 

Don't forget Katie like you said me your mum and Tom are always here....

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxxx