My Mind And Me - Raw Emotions

Raw Emotions

Getting in the car I felt very uneasy. I felt like I was on my way to court to be judged. In reality I was on my way to my second counselling session, only this was the first time we would start talking about things properly. As I sat in the back seat of the cab I felt as if I was about to have every last detail of my life and traumatic events be picked apart one by one. I was about to confront issues that I hadn't visited in a long while, events that could have possibly caused the depression I was feeling today. Notice I say possibly, I didn't know for sure what had caused it but that was the point in this, the journey was to find out what had and to start conquering it for my sake and my families.

Sitting in the waiting room caused the most nerves. They were NHS so there was no thought of comfort gone into the waiting room, of course the NHS never pumped money into things like that. To be honest they should it may make anxiety in people like me lower when waiting to torture themselves with their pasts. Part of me was hoping I had got the day wrong and they wouldn't call my name out, but I was correct. "Bethany" there was my name, dread filled me as I took a slow forceful walk into the room I had came to like on my last visit, but I had a feeling that after todays session I wouldn't be feeling the same. The awkwardness was overwhelming, the counsellor was waiting for me to start, but I couldn't, I couldn't find the words to say what I had been through. I needed her to ask me about it, it was the only way I was going to open up, it was the only way I knew how. The time between me deciding to be awkward and the counsellor asking me seemed to drag. It was silent and I was look around the room in a nervous panic, I heard Ava and Bella playing in the waiting room under Katie's supervision, it took all the strength I had not to crash through the wall to them. Let me tell you its not easy holding back tears when someone is unstitching the stitching that held the emotional wounds together. I couldn't. I broke down. It was hard. I talked about the events that had moulded the person that stands here today. The wounds were open and the emotions where pouring out like blood and I couldn't stop  it and I couldn't control it. My anxiety crept up as I was aware of the counsellor sitting in front of me. What was she thinking? Did she think I was nuts? Was she going to tell me off for crying? The answers to all these questions was no. She was calming and as I made eye contact with her for the first time I could see something, she was listening. For the first time no one was crying, getting confused or getting angry when I spoke about everything. For the first time someone was actually taking it in and listening to every word, to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Just listening to what I was saying and to how I felt. Before I knew it time was up and I had to leave. But I was just getting started, now I had to stop when the wounds were open, if I closed them up again I weren't sure if I could re open them again which left me only one option. I had to leave my wounds open for the week. This scared me. Scared me stiff.

I must have been a complete nightmare to live with that week. I remember feeling so terrible and wanting to cry almost all of the time. I would put on a brave face and pretend I was okay in front of people, but not Tom. I couldn't pretend to him. So he got the rough of it as I let my emotions out the only way I knew how. Anger. I would pick arguments and then argue till I was blue in the face. I would then cry afterwards like I was the poor victim when I wasn't. Poor Tom had been lured into an argument just so I could scream and shout to let it all out. let out all the emotions that were pouring out of them still open wounds. I couldn't explain it to Tom, I didn't know how. It killed me inside to shout at him the way I did and to confuse him the way I did. I love him so very much he's the love of my life it wasn't fair on him. I'm pretty s**t at coping sometimes. I did think that week that maybe Tom would be better off without me, without me treating him so poorly. With out me shouting at him every night. But Tommy being the lovely bloke that he is still cuddled me, still gave me comfort and reassurance, in his own way he understood, he didn't have to say it out loud for me to know. With every cuddle he gave me after every argument I knew that he would be there by my side while I confronted the demons of my past. I was so tired of how I felt and hoped that I would start seeing the positives from the counselling sooner rather than later. Exhaustion was not a good look for me.

Thanks for reading

Look out for My Mind And Me next week.

until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

My Fiance A Wonderful Daddy

My Fiancé a wonderful Dad

 

 

 

 

Dear Tommy,

Who would have imagined when you first sent me your number that would be here today, a lovely little family with two children. To be honest from the first time we spoke I knew we were going to spend our lives together, I just didn't expect to have your baby as soon as I did. Do you remember finding out in Tesco toilets? Classy eh. The shock was massive but you were so happy! you couldn't Stop smiling! I was so happy that I was  going to be doing it properly this time! It was so good to have you to go to all the scans and appointments, I just don't think you knew what the wait was going to be like. We all know how impatient you are mr. And that didn't change with pregnancy, I got you a gender scan because I knew you couldn't wait to find out the sex and you were delighted when you found out she was a little girl. We got proper stuck in to preparation and buying things for our little girl. It was so much fun. I love how protective you got over me towards the end. Such a protective daddy already. Do you remember all the false times I thought labour was coming! They were so often  that when I was in actual labour we didn't believe it and it was  such a race to get me to hospital that you nearly crashed into the hospital barriers haha. Thank you for being by my side through the birth babe, it was so lovely to have a dad there this time and there was nothing more lovely than  a dad meeting his daughter for the first time, oh thanks for the labour selfie babe!


                                                 


You have thrown yourself into parenting so well! Your a natural though your a fantastic daddy to Ava so I knew you would be okay. You are such a fantastic daddy to them, doing the nappy changes, feeds ect. The way you make them laugh is magical. You have such a special way with your girls. I love the fact we are a unit in parenting it gives such a healthy balance. Hearing the word daddy from both of their mouths warms my heart to this day. You love doing family things don't you. When we go to the park I like to sit back and watch you spend time with the girls, they are so happy, you make them so happy. You don't get to spend loads of time with them during the week so I know you cherish the weekends with them, your laugh when your mucking around with them is priceless. Your the best daddy I could ever ask for, for our girls.

Lastly  I would like to say thank you for taking on Ava the way you have, You are all she knows as a dad. You are her dad and there's nothing else too it. You didn't have to do  it but you did, and that makes you such an incredible man. A man your mother should be proud of and I know that she is. You should also be proud of yourself babe, the dad you have turned into is amazing and I cant wait to have more of your babies.

Happy Fathers Day Tom

Love from Me Ava And Bella

Love you always baby  xxx

My Everchanging Body

Our lovely readers,

 

Like many of these teenagers flaunting their bodies, I was the same. Nothing would stop me going out in belly tops, tight fitted out fits, short skirts and dresses. Safe to say I was body confident. It felt good. I loved my body for that. For giving me confidence. I would get attention from guys, that was a good and bad thing, I had envious girls throwing me daggers, that didn't bother me. I felt like I was Britney or Madonna. It helped going to college, with my confidence being on a high, I was able to make friends and enjoy it. You see before I started feeling confident in myself I would be very shy, making friends was then difficult, but college wasn't going to be like that, I was confident, I spoke to every one.

 

 

 

 

 

Pregnancy

Seven to eight months after  I started college I found out I was pregnant. Shock. It was unexpected but I was happy. I never really had time to think about what pregnancy would do to my body as I new I was going to be a single mum so I was mentally preparing for that. This resulted in me taking any body changes in my stride. With every stretch mark that appeared I thought 'its for my baby', so they didn't really bother me. Sure sometimes I did think oh god! but that was to be expected as I was young and never had a mark on my body before but all in all for the majority of the time they never bothered me. How could I forget the case of my expanding stomach. That fascinated me more that bothered me, I mean how on earth was it possible for my stomach to stretch that much! My confidence stuck while I was pregnant. I though I Looked pretty damn good!

 

 

 

After I had Ava I was on cloud nine like every new mum so as you may know I wasn't really thinking about my body. It wasn't until it all settled down that I noticed that my body had really changed. It was so much different. I Had gone up a dress size, I had a 'pouch' as they say. I would look in the mirror and wouldn't recognise myself. I felt like a stranger to myself when I would put on clothes and they wouldn't fit. I remember going shopping with my parents and trying stuff on, when things wouldn't fit I would feel myself getting really down and embarrassed. I wanted a black hole to open in the changing room and swallow me up. This is when it started becoming hard mentally, the mental image of myself just fell apart, I just thought of myself as fat and ugly, being single I thought that no one would want me. My confidence went down again and I thought everyone was staring at me. I had to re start college too! ohhhhhhh no. How was I going to cope I felt the size of an elephant and shy as a mouse, but you know what I was a mum now to a beautiful  baby  girl. Sod the way I looked. That doesn't matter. Being there for my girl mattered and she needed me to do this course for her future. Safe to say that motherhood gave me the confidence to get through my second college course.

 Shortly after starting college I started too loose weight, I never got back to how I was before but it was enough to feel confident and comfortable again, and when I met Tom  I started to feel 100x better. He was so complementary, wouldn't stop telling me how beautiful I was.

 

Pregnancy..round 2

My body starting changing pretty early on when I was pregnant with Bella, weight wise anyway. My bump started growing quick much bigger than with Ava. You would think it would be easier because I knew how my body could change but for some reasons it didn't. Many times in this pregnancy I felt massive, like a whale. I was  paranoid that Tommy would end up getting disgusted and leave me. My legs also expanded in this pregnancy which was an unpleasant surprise. That added to my fear and paranoia. Towards the end though I was so tired and fed up I didn't take no notice, I just concentrated on getting Bella out.

 

 

This Is when my body really started to get to me. I am now bigger than I ever have been, I have curves that have popped out of know where, hips that have grown beyond expectation, legs that are fatter than a tree trunk (maybe now that big but it feels like it), boobs that are humungous and a stomach that...well we wont even go there. The last year as been hard as far as body  confidence goes. I just feel disgusting, but dieting is hard. I don't think I would be as bad if I weren't looking at all these fitness things all the time. I feel like that's how I should look, and how I look right now is wrong. But I know that's messed up, society is messed up. Making people believe they should be a size toned 6 is wrong. What exactly is wrong with being a size 14 and healthy? I am lucky to have Tom he is constantly telling me how I'm beautiful and how my body is perfect. They other day I sat and thought there are only two people my body has to please, myself and Tommy. If Tommy loves my body then why cant I?? So I have now started too feel confident naked. I stroll to the bathroom now rather than doing a running jump like I'm in the Olympics. I'm starting to accept my body now, I've accepted
that it changes and with each pregnancy my body turnout is going to be different, but if a I have my family and my Tommy that's all that matters.

My parting message In this post I guess is, sod what everyone else looks  like, sod what everyone else thinks. The only opinion that matters is your own. Body confidence doesn't come from what you look like or what your weight is. Body confidence comes from within and how your thought process is about your body and always have someone there to give you a boost when your body confidence is a bit low.


Thanks for reading:)

Until  next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx
 

 

The Weekend - A Special Time

Our Lovely readers

I'm not going to lie I do like the weekend, I do look forward too it. Don't get me wrong I love the weeks with my girls but, there is just something about the weekend when Toms home and we are all together.

I suppose some of  it is relief, it gets tiring during the week, running around after two littlens all day, that's to be expected. I know when Toms home I can share the load....sometimes. There is nothing more aggravating than when I ask  him to do something like change a nappy or make a bottle and he says 'cant you do it'.... I'm sorry what?? I have been doing this all week, I have changed more pooey nappies than I have had hot dinners, I could of bathed in the amount sick that has been produced, I've nearly broke my ankle about 50 times on about 50 different types of toys, I've made so much food I could have fed the army and about 6 world wars have broke out between me and a 4 year old..(this is all in one week) and you want me to change yet another dirty nappy and make another bottle. By this time I have practically turned green like the hulk. So I tell him no I can't 'do it' this is your time daddy boy, your time to be mummy. I would like to tell you this works. But it don't. With all my annoyance I end up caving.. I really need to work on that haha. But no he is really good, he only says that about once a weekend. Other than that I am really lucky and on the weekends I do get a rest. He cooks, amuses the children and does a few nappies and bottles. This weekend I have been really fortunate in him cleaning too!

I also overly enjoy the weekends for family time...this is the main reason for my excitement. We love to do things as a family on the weekends, nothing expensive just quality time. This would be anything from activities at home, to going to the park, to play centres, to picnics or even going to see grandparents. I think family time is very important it keeps you connected and as a unit. I enjoy seeing the girls spend time with daddy, the smile on their faces melts my heart and to be honest nothing will beat that feeling.

To some the weekend is just the weekend. But to me, to us its so much more. Its memories, its my girls childhood, its the only two days a week both parents  are together with them. Its the only two nights, me and Tom can stay up a bit later and spend some quality time together.

All in all my personal definition  of the weekend is - The time of the week for relaxation, family madness, and happy days with a special sprinkling of bonding and memory creating.

I know some of you may find this post boring or irrelevant, but I felt I needed to share what the weekend means to me, so often we go 'thank god its the weekend' but why? Why do we think that? what does the weekend mean to you?


LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Happy Birthday Tom!

Happy Birthday Tommy

 

Dear My Tom Tom,

Another year has come around, you are another year older, though you never look it, this makes me insanely jealous. Another year you have worked hard to provide for us. In this year you have made sure a lot happened for us and if it wasn't for you we would be sitting in our own front room right now. You never do all you do for people to notice or for people to tell the world, you do it for us your family because you love us just us much as we love you. You are an insanely fantastic fiancé, loving me, giving me comfort, always being there for me when times are tough, giving me someone to talk too at all hours an working with me as a team to bring up our two gorgeous little girls. This is the perfect time for me to tell you what an amazing daddy you are, you never fail too make our girls smile or laugh, you are and authority figure and their bestest friend. Your the to give them a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on, your everything a daddy should be. So us as your family would like to say a massive THANK YOU for now, for the past and for the future. HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY TOM TOM/DADDY. Have the best day that you deserve. We Love you now and forever.

LotsOfLove
Beth, Ava and Bella...xxx 

 

The big M

It never used to bother me, you know the whole living at home with parents, even when I had Ava and was a single mum I didn't mind staying in my parents home, its all I knew and I weren't in a hurry to take the leap in to independence. I had a new little baby that was enough of a change and I was 18 so it was still acceptable. After having Ava it did dawn on me that I was the 'third wheel' so to speak. But I didn't care, I had the right to be there, I was their daughter, like Ava was mine so I knew it didn't bother them after all you can never picture your child leaving home and don't tend to think about it.

Time went on, I started college, another reason for me not to take the leap, I wanted to finish the course before I thought about taking on the moving challenge, and also getting a job at the end of it was fore front of my mind too. Now I had a boyfriend at that point. Together for a year you would think we would have thought about the next step, but he turned out to have the mind of a five year old and a dragon of a controlling nan so I got out of that relationship faster than Usain Bolt running the 100m. By no means did this dampen my spirits, I stayed at home and continued studying and Ava was coming up for her second birthday. It was then that my sister made a joke that me being me took seriously. This changed my  life forever, in a good way don't be alarmed. You should try online dating she said, so I did.


To be honest I wasn't looking for 'love' I thought I would just see what it was like. I had heard about online dating and now seeing myself as an adult I didn't see the harm. Oh my it wasn't the best dating site to try, but it was one advertised on Facebook so I thought it must be popular. Some of the wronguns that messaged me on there were unbelievable. I even texted a few. Don't ask me why. I saw it all, cheesy chat up lines, a fairly normal bloke who was still tied up on his ex so much so I started to think they were still together! I had boring blokes which had less personality than my sofa, and weird stalker types, which were possessive after a day of texting, I would rather of had my eyes gauged out by a bear while being stung by a thousands of angry bees than have spoke to them a day longer. I pretty much gave up on the whole online dating scene having wrote it off as a place of creeps. I don't know why I went back on there, curiosity killed the cat as they say. But I was right to do so because sitting in my inbox was a little message from my now fiancé and father of my two children. (Ava knows him as daddy he's all she knows )we have now been together for nearly 3 years.

 

I suppose it was when I was pregnant with Bella I started to think of my own space. We had lived with Toms parents and mine at separate times during my pregnancy. Going from pillar to post we both come to the realisation we both had no place to call home. These two houses we had grown up in no longer felt like home. For the first time the place I had lived in for like 12 years was my parents home. That was how we knew that it was time. It was time to move. To get our own place our own space. stand on our own two feet. Unfortunately due too medical problems in my pregnancy it was decided that it was best not to until Bella had arrived. And of course the main problem MONEY. I didn't feel to stressed out about it while I was pregnant. It wasn't until Bella was born that it bothered me the most. Things got really difficult living with my parents. Me and my mum started arguing. A lot. Little things she did annoyed me. I started to want my own place desperately, a far cry from how I was when I had just had Ava, I had grown up. I would cry about it most days wanting to move came an obsession. I would look at properties online all day everyday and imagine myself in them. I nearly took a disgusting flat, it was Tommy that made me realise. After that I tried not to think about it but It was still there in my head, I NEEDED to move. Eventually Tommy came up with viewings randomly, to my delight we viewed a place and liked it and with the deposit saved up safe and sound in our bank account we were good to go. I faced the most painful, longest, agonising week of my life hoping everything would go through okay, I cant explain to you how it felt when we got a moving date. That was a magical day. To be honest it didn't seem real I was on cloud 9 and thought I was watching someone else moving into their place. That night felt good. Relaxed. Now came the next challenge.


I had it, all I had wanted. But I was in a new place that was completely alien to me. I had gone from Essex to Woodley In berks over night. It was new. I had no idea what was in my area, where the busses went, where the local hospital was ect. it took months to get used too and to know. At first and I will be honest I felt I didn't belong, I mean how can someone who knows nothing about the place and had a noticeable different accent belong? On top of it all the whole flat was my responsibility , that was daunting, more daunting than motherhood strangely enough. I had too cook dinners if not my family didn't eat, I had to do all the washing if not my family had no clothes, I would have to get the shopping in to make sure I was able to cook, I had to make sure we didn't run out of money and make sure the rent was paid on time to make sure we didn't become homeless. I had to make sure the house was clean so that my kids don't live in a dirt pit and get unhealthy. It was stressful, before I only had to look after myself and make sure my kids were looked after and fed. Now Everything was down to me and with Tom at work If I didn't do it, it would fall apart. I'm not going to lie it took a while to find my feet.

Fortunately now all is okay. Yes I am in a new place to where I grew up, but this area is now home, its where my children will grow up. when we drive back into Woodley, I feel relaxed I feel at ease and familiar I feel, 'ahhh I'm home'. I know what is around me. On the house chores side of it, I am no longer stressing, I am on top of it all once a day is done I sit on the sofa with a sense of achievement feeling like I have just climbed mount Everest and won the FA cup all in one day. All in all I am so happy, I'm so happy I have moved and I am so happy my attitude towards moving changed. Me and my mum get a long so much better too!


Its crazy how much your life can change and how your views can change but if I have one bit of advice to others, if you feel an urge to do something like chase your dreams or a change in your views don't fight it go with it, it is part of you evolving and is a growth of your life and your character.

Thanks for reading

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Throwback Thursdays - Nursery/Pre School

Throwback Thursday

Nursery/Preschool

This week being Ava's first week back at nursery school after the half term we though it would be a good idea for nursery to be our throwback theme. Though quite a long throwback and limited pictures due to them getting misplaced over the years we thought it would be quite a nice theme. Its quite nice to reminisce about the innocent times of our lives. 

Its now we see how easy life was back then when being kids. Both of us have very good  memories about being in nursery, we remember the things we used to do and play and the people who we went with. Its amazing the things your mind chooses  to remember. 

Beth

Beth in her pre school days

I have many memories about pre school. Some of the best to be honest. That was back in the day when I hadn't a care in the world. I was an innocent child who went to school to play and make friends. Much how Ava probably feels now. I remember one day at pre school where they had a donkey come and we all took turns in riding this donkey. I cant remember why exactly they had the donkey turn up, I just remember how I felt. I remember looking up at the animal thinking wow. To me it was so big, and something I had never really seen before. I couldn't wait to  have a go riding the donkey even though it was a short ride it filled me with most wonderful excitement. This makes me realise about children. That the simplest of things when they are new give children a lot of excitement the unknown to them is not scary its exciting. So why now does the unknown scare us adults? That is now a question in my mind. Where does the fear of the unknown develop from?

Katie & Tommy

Katie & Tommy at Pre School 

Mine and Tommy's pre school was called Teddy's and my most remembered memory was having "Teddy Bear Picnic" where each child would take a teddy bear each and go onto the field near pre school and have a picnic. I also remember my Mother being at every pre school outing as she would always come with the staff and other mums. I have abit of a memory block from that age and a few blips from my childhood, I think because when me and Tommy first started out first school, a few months into it we Moved to Windsor to start another school so our friends and surrounding changed alot so for young kids I think I sort of blocked my life previous to Windsor. But that is my most remember memory from pre school. Because of this I always want to make sure we take loads of pictures, drawings and videos of Ava during pre school so she can remember lots when she is older. 

Its quite  good thinking about your life in the past no matter how far back, just to see where your life is now and how much has changed. There are always good and bad memories but there are a lot of memories that are special and that filled us with joy in our childhood that we all would never change...

Lots Of Love 

Katie & Beth...xxx

Date Night - Annabelle

Date Night

When you have children sometimes your relationship can suffer. All your time goes on your children, work, house work ect that you forget about quality time together. Its important to not let that happen.. you need your quality time too. So one night a month find a baby sitter & push your housework to one side and go out enjoy yourself. 

Since moving to Windsor this is something me and Tom have been able to do thanks to Shelly and Katie. Last week for our October date night Tommy took me to Wetherspoons and Cinema. 

I had the most AMAZING ribs to eat. they fell off the bone and melted in my mouth they tasted delicious too!! It was the ribs and chicken combo. We went on Tuesday so it was steak night and the ribs and chicken combo was on that we got the meal and drink for just £6.25 each!! 

After our lovely food we made our way to the cinema where we decided to watch Annabelle the recent scary release. I had been wanting to see it for a while so I was very excited! Me a Tommy found a way around the expense of cinema prices, we ordered a popcorn and fanta ice blast each, usually this would cost you quite a bit but me and Tom bought a Child's size of both and it cut the price down by over half! The disappointment at this stage was that the screen was not cleaned til late which meant delay in time and Tom had drunk all his drink!    

The film was all I thought it would be. Really good! Yeah some people may say oh aint all scary films following in the same pattern? but you get that with all films, romance, comedies ect all follow the same sort of pattern. I thought the acting in the film was really good and clear. The film had loads of jumpy parts and on the whole it was really creepy so it didn't let me down. I think the fact it was set a bit back in time made it different. I would really recommend this film. :)

Date night made me and Tom appreciate each other, and we saw that the spark we always have had is still there. We are still very much in love and are a tight family unit that will never be broken. We look forward to many date nights together.

Me And Tom

I would certainly recommend that more couples have date nights!! 

Lots Of Love

Beth...xxx 

Happy 21st Birthday Beth

Today it is Beth's 21st birthday. Beth has been in Essex since yesterday and is spending the weekend at her parents home with Tommy and Ava. While Myself and my Mother will be joining them very soon. Today is the day my family get to meet the rest of Beth's family who we haven't met yet so it is an exciting day for all of us. I truly hope Beth has an amazing day and gets lots and lots of beautiful gifts. 


Dear Beth, 

"Sister in law by chance, friends by choice". This quote is very true. I'm very lucky to have you not only as my sister in law (to be) but also as a very lovely friend. You listen when I have my random rants, you care when I'm ill, you always make us laugh with your funny random words and I'm proud at you for being a amazing mother to Ava and soon to be to Bella. Thank you for giving me two beautiful Nieces ( I know Bella will be beautiful lol ), and for making my Brother the most happiest man alive. You two generally are made for each other and I will always be here to support, care and love you all. Happy 21st Birthday to my amazing Friend. 

Love from your Sister in law, friend, personal organizer, beauty therapist and now my blogging partner.  

Can we all wish Beth a very happy birthday today and happy birthday to anyone who shares this day. Hope you all have had a super weekend.


Love Katie x 

Tommy & Beth: Our Little Love Story

So I thought it would be a good idea to tell you all how I came to find my true prince charming (sorry for the cringe factor!) and became to be a part of this lovely family...

Never being one to go out clubbing, drinking ect, I knew finding
love wouldn't be easy and would only be in with a chance of 'pulling' once a year (prob Christmas or New Year). Not that I was going out looking for men, but you are always aware that you could possibly go home at the end of the night with either a big ego and a new number on your contact list or with ya self esteem shot down and asking yourself why you have a phone. I had come to a point in my life where I realised love wouldn't come knocking at my door and decided to give internet dating a try... 

I used to be very skeptical about internet dating due to the amount of horror stories you hear about them... and believe me there are a few questionable characters on there, but I decided to put my hesitations to one side and give it a go! Why not? 
I found myself getting a lot of private messages of cringy chat up lines and getting into some weird conversations with some strange men its then I started questioning my decision on joining the site so I signed myself off. 
Its scary to think I almost never met the 'one' and how different my life could have ended up, I thank my lucky stars I had one last random check of my online dating inbox, because sitting there was a message from a guy who was sweet, kind and thoughtful a guy who as soon as saw his picture just looked different from the rest, maybe it was the look in his eye I don't know. It was the message I had hoped for from the the man I had always dreamed of, my future husband. 


The first picture I saw of Tommy ... 

With  his number in my inbox I excitedly sent the first text message and we have not looked back. We was texting non stop from that point on. I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach every time I saw he had messaged me and my fingers were twitching to text back. Not long after starting our text conversations we decided it was time for a phone call and one evening he rung me, his voice was like magic, all I thought it would be and more we clicked even  more and spent 5 hours on the phone not going asleep til early hours. Every night on from that we would speak on the phone for 3 hours each time, needless to say our phone bills took a bashing but it was so worth it!. To be honest, I think our families got a bit annoyed at us talking through the night and keeping them up but I am sure they would now agree that they wouldn't have had it any other way because we have ended up so happy. 

Our first date: 

I was on at Tom to come and see me, with him the only one that drove it made sense that he came to me first and Tommy being the gentleman he is wouldn't have it any other way. Once Tommy finally set a date to come and see me I was buzzing for the two weeks leading up to it and the Saturday couldn't come round quick enough,tho it felt like those weeks dragged!! When the day finally came I spent ages getting ready and couldn't shake the feeling of butterflies! I even  made my mum answer the door because I was so nervous! I didn't want him to see me and  be disappointed because believe me when I laid eyes on him for that first time I felt like a Disney princess staring into the eyes of my handsome prince charming.We had a lovely time going for Nandos  and to the cinema, we laughed and joked and just clicked straight away it felt like we had known each other forever, we even had our first kiss! By the time it came to say goodbye I felt like part of me was leaving, so we arranged a meeting in London the next weekend.We have been inseparable ever since.

My first trip to Windsor:

Tommy took me to meet his family in Windsor not long after our trip to London, it was the most amazing weekend of my life! As soon as I entered the family home everyone was immediately welcoming and kind. We spent our first nights together and woke up to each other it was bliss. Tommy took me to nandos and Windsor castle, I remember kissing Tom in the car when we got back from the castle, I just remember thinking how perfect my life was, I still think that. When Tommy took me back to Essex that Sunday it was so hard to say could bye with both of us ending up in tears. We missed each other so much I ended up returning on the Wednesday. 

 Where are we now?:

We have never been apart since our weekend in Windsor, Tommy soon moved in with me in Essex at my parents home but due to work commitments we have recently moved to Windsor. Since the day we met me and Tom have got engaged hoping to marry next year and I am currently 8 months pregnant with a baby girl, not forgetting our beautiful daughter Ava. I am the happiest woman alive, my life is fulfilled with and wonderful husband to be and two beautiful daughters. Although we have our ups and downs and the odd argument we are stronger than any couple you will ever know, we are meant to be Tom is my soul mate. We are a team and get through any obstacles together. I love him so much and always will do. 

Thats mine and Toms story, for those of you that want a nice little quick read, this is a little insight to our lives so far. 

Hope you enjoyed, remember true love never dies ...

Lots Of Love 
Beth ...xxx

Lazy Family Sunday

Hi everyone :) Hope everyone had a lovely lazy Sunday like we did here in Windsor. We lazed around in bed until half 10 quarter to 11, even Ava! After a busy week I think we all deserved it! 

For us girls and I think you would all agree that Sundays are the one day where we wont put on our best outfits, fancy shoes, have big hair and most of all we give our faces from make up letting our skin breathe.. we have braved the camera for a no make up selfie getting away with it as today was a lazy Sunday!

Today would have been the perfect day for a big fry up with all the added extras including a giant cup of tea or coffee! But unfortunately not having the full ingredients for a fry up and no giant sized mug me Tommy settled for a toasted sausage sandwich and normal sized coffee while Ava enjoyed eggs and a cup of juice. Sadly Katie wasn't feeling too well at this point at was in bed so missed breakfast :(. Don't worry shes feeling better now :). Below we have a cheeky shot of Ava enjoying breakfast time!

With an active toddler you have to think of some good Sunday activities not only that we enjoy family time and doing things as a family creating memories to cherish. So with it being the 19th October its the perfect time of year to start getting into the Halloween spirit (we love this time of year) so Tommy came up with the great idea of carving a pumpkin! Being Tommy and Ava's first time at pumpkin carving i took a step back and let them take the lead. 

Steps to pumpkin carving (for those who have not tried it yet) 

1. Cut a round circle out of the top to gain access to the inside of your pumpkin this will also act as a lid :)

2. Scrape the insides out of your pumpkin ensuring nothing is left inside and throw the cut offs in the bin. 

3. Grab a marker pen and draw on any design that you want onto the front of your pumpkin.. Go as wild,creative and scary as you feel!!

4. Cut around your design and poke out the bits you have cut! you can now admire your handy work!

5. To get it at its full potential on Halloween night pop a tee tree light  in the  middle of your pumpkin and put it out side your front door!!

Below are some snaps of Ava and Daddy enjoying some quality time pumpkin carving!

Our pumpkin!

After our pumpkin carving we got into the classic lazy Sunday feel and lazed around! With Ava snuggling into bed with Katie for a nap Me and Tom where able to spend some quality time together, with Tom desperately needing a hair cut I got my clippers out and cut his hair while watching some Sunday football :). 

Katie and Ava both woke up and we all enjoyed a nice lunch of sandwiches and nachos in bed:) 

As you can guess we didn't quite have  time to make a big roast dinner so with Ava in bed after a dinner of homemade vegetable pasta we had the perfect end to a Sunday with a KFC dinner while watching X factor... Pure bliss :) 

Hope you all had a lovely lazy Sunday and enjoyed it us much as we did here :) 

Until next time Lots of Love 

Katie & Beth ... xxx