My Mind And Me - Getting sorted

Getting Sorted

So here I am taking my antidepressants like a good girl, 40mg I was on a high dose. At that point it hit me that I really had a problem, I was depressed and I needed help. Like all antidepressants you have to wait for them to kick in, sometimes its like waiting for a train you've already missed. I was quite aware that I couldn't go on the way I was, not for one more second so even though I was on medication and although I had to give it time before I noticed a difference, I needed extra help. That's when my health visitor referred me to Talking Therapies, a wonderful service of counselling provided by the NHS in Berkshire. I would have 6-8 sessions to get to the root of my problem, because it was NHS based ect and the high amount of people that needed the service you were given a certain amount of sessions.

I was up for it, I think I would have took any help at the time. The first step was a telephone assessment. This made my anxiety so bad, I suffer with telephone anxiety you see and this was my idea of a nightmare. I thought so many times about ignoring the phone call or just cancelling. These thoughts went round and round in my head for the week that I waited, It was like a Ferris wheel in my head, for that entire week I was on edge and as you might have guessed that played to my depressions advantage. I was so relieved  when I got it out the way and optimistic as I had been given a date for my first session. Optimistic for the first few days after getting it more like. As the date got closer the more nervous I got and the more I questioned whether I actually needed to go. I thought old thoughts of I can sort this out myself despite trying and failing miserably beforehand.

On the morning of my first appointment I was ok, I don't think it seemed real and I was busy being a mummy to think about the days events, I also had Katie with me that distracted me too. Katie was really good she booked the cab and gave me a big help in hand getting the girls sorted because as it came to getting ready to go I could feel myself physically shaking. I could feel my breath getting short and myself not thinking straight, I could feel my eyes wanting to leak and I knew what was coming. A panic attack. I needed to stop it because I new if I went into a full attack I wouldn't go, I'd slump  back down into the sofa and pretend I was ok. To calm me down I took a couple of propanadol (tablets for anxiety) which I had previously been prescribed. They do work a treat but on that day they only scraped the edge off as my anxiety was through the roof. Still I put on a brave face for my children and tried to have fun and make them laugh as much as I could in the cab there, may I add the cab driver got lost, that was all I needed.

It was like the walk of doom walking through the hospital to where talking therapies was based. I felt like I was walking into a trap of my own thoughts, feelings and memories. I'm not silly I know what happens  in counselling, you have to talk about things that had happened in the past. If you were to ask me if I were ready to open up about my past I would have said, for my family to have a better person to live with, yes of course I was ready but for me not I wasn't ready, I felt like holding back because the thought of bringing up old memories seemed harder to live with than the depression. I bet you wondered what made me go in and not run a mile, well my family for one, I wasn't going to let them down and maybe I needed to confront my past head on, like confronting a fear. I knew the key to getting better was hid in my memories I just needed to find it.

As I sat on the chair, I felt like a rabbit caught in headlights, I didn't know what to say where to look what to do. Luckily for me It wasn't going to be the nitty gritty of a proper counselling session, this first one was just about going over my assessment, unfortunately we did touch on my past a bit. When it came to it I hesitated, I stuttered I tried to open up a couple of times. I really did try, my mouth would open but nothing would come out it was like someone had put me on mute. Something strange then happened, it was as though someone inside gave me a shove and all of a sudden I was taken off mute and words kept pouring out. You couldn't stop me. Before I knew it the first session was over. It weren't even a proper session it was just an assessment but I felt something had been lifted from me.

I remember feeling good after that day, I felt really positive for the next week and I actually found myself looking forward to my first proper session. But was my positive attitude about to change as I come closer to my first proper nitty gritty down to business counselling session.

Watch out for My Mind And Me next week

Thanks for reading

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

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Toucan Box!

Hello My Dears,

I wonder how many of you have heard of toucan box? I can honestly say up until a few weeks ago I didn't know what it was, I had heard the name but never really looked into it. Now I wish  I had looked into it sooner but that's where Katie comes in handy. She is always "on it", looking at new things on social media, the internet ect. Yes she was the one that looked into toucan box. Here is me going on and I haven't even explained what it is! Toucan box are a company that sell little activity boxes for children. You subscribe and pay a certain amount and get an activity box filled with everything you need for that activity, no adding to it. In each box you will also get a sticker token which you put on like a little chart poster that is provided and you collect them with the option of "spending" them and getting little prizes for your little one, obviously the more you save the better the prize! Below are some details.

The boxes come in 3 sizes and are 3 different prices.

Petite - £3.95 + £0.98pp and you get this fortnightly so that is £4.93 including Postage every fortnight.

Grande - £9.95 + £2.95pp this Is a monthly box, so in total it is £12.90 a month

Super - £16.95 + £2.95pp this is also a monthly box and in total is £19.95 a month

Katie has bought Ava the petite toucan box and to be honest it says petite but you get a really good fun activity It doesn't seem petite! In my opinion for Avas age (4) petite is just the right size because of her attention span and like I said absolutely everything was included and well worth the £4.93. I can only speak for the petite size obviously but if that is anything to go by then I can only guess that the bigger boxes are good too, though I know they look a bit expensive wrote down on paper. But I want you to remember this is not some rubbish magazine subscription its a proper activity kit for kids. And a plus they send you out a taster box that they will also personalise!

On Sunday I finally got round to making Avas taster box with her, it was an activity to make a parrot puppet thing and an old treasure map.  Everything needed was provided and it was really easy to do Ava had loads of fun and it suited her age range completely. For the treasure map we had to soak a tea bag which was provided in water for ten minuets so we did that and while that was soaking Ava coloured in her parrot with the crayons also provided.

When Ava had coloured the parrot, we got the tea bag and painted the piece of paper (provided) that we had previously scrunched up. Now of course we had to let this dry, so to occupy her time while that was drying Ava completed the parrot by sticking the feathers on It which where again provided. I found that the glue stick didn't really stick them so I had to use cello tape. We then stuck the giant lolly stick on to make it a puppet. The parrot was now finished.

The next step was to take the dry tea stained crumpled paper that by this time was dry, with the stickers provided we made the treasure map by following the how to guide that was included, once this was done Ava had finished her activity and I must say I was a very proud mummy looking at what she had done.

We have now received the next toucan box that we will  be doing very soon  I will be blogging about each one every week to couple of weeks (we are a bit behind). I would say these boxes are very  good especially in the school holidays, it gives them something to do and keeps their minds and their creative side active while they are not at school. I look forward to Avas next toucan box activity!

Thanks for reading

Until next time :)

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx


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Mischevious Moos 3

Hello Lovelies,

It's been a couple weeks since I last posted due to the fact that I have been poorly with a kidney infection :( yes I did feel very sorry for myself. I am pleased to say I am now on the mend and I feel like writing again! What a better way to do this than doing a mischievous moos post, I wanna give you all a good giggle and get back posting on a funny note.


Now last week I was down to one child as my lovely mother in law and sister in law so kindly had Ava for me. You would think one child would be half the trouble! WRONG. I'm not going to say that she kept getting up to stuff because she didn't, so I was lucky in that respect but what she did do was big. The most mischievous thing my Bella has ever done. I will start with some of the smaller things she got up too, the more common things that probably many other children do difference is I'm letting you all know that your not alone having mischievous children is quite common. 


I haven't posted in a couple of weeks so at least one thing occurred when Ava was here. First we had the salt saga as I like to call it, this is a reoccurring issue. We have a dining table but every now and then me and Tom sometimes eat when the girls are in bed and when we feel lazy we will eat at the coffee table, don't judge. We will take the salt with us, what can I say? we like our food seasoned. Being the forgetful people we are we tend sometimes to forget to  put the salt back on the dining table, even though we have cleaned up everything else, strange eh. This of course means that the salt pot is there in the morning, and its easy for little hands to reach and unfortunately if these little hands reach it before I do then BOOM we have a salt explosion all over the table and if that's not enough little fingers may decide to dip into it and lick it off her fingers, GROSS. Now of course I come straight in and remove my children clear it up and put the salt pot back, that should go without saying I'm not going to let them lick salt all day, I don't even  let them have it on their dinner, that should go without saying too, I mean who does! I'll leave that one there as I seem to be rambling.

 

 

 Now as you maybe aware Bella does more than Ava but before I carry on with Bella's antics I'll tell you about one of Avas! This occurred while I was ill and my mother in law came round to babysit not only the girls but me too ha ha. My lovely Shellbell as we like to call her bought me and the girls some lunch Ava decided she wanted some fruit and yoghurt this pleased me as getting healthy things down her could be a struggle at times. However Ava had her own ideas of what she wanted to do with her fruit and Yoghurt and eating it wasn't on of them. Ava is a big fan of cookery shows, Jamie Oliver being her favourite this is what Ava was going to copy, using her fruit and yoghurt of course. Using these  two ingredients she copied the programmes down  to a t. Mixing, talking us though what she was doing, putting into the oven (pretend of course), revealing the finished article and of course making a lovely mess!

 

 



 

 

Back to Bella now! These next two are personal favourites of hers too one being more reoccurring than the other. Bella has a thing for tissue boxes when she sees one it is like she is being drawn to it like a magnetic force. Of course she don't just sit there and look at it thinking how lovely these box of tissues are, Bella being Bella decides to pull them all out the box until I am left with none. By the time she has finished she is sitting there in a cloud of tissues looking rather pleased with herself, this is the reoccurring one, well not any more I have put them higher up in my bedroom! This second one is something I am sure she would do again if she could but she cant as I now have those lock things on my cupboards, yes it is to do with food! She loves playing with spaghetti and one time decided she would pull it out the cupboard and decorate my kitchen floor with it, I did find it funny but it was a buggar to clear up! I don't know if any of my lovely readers have cleared up a lot of raw spaghetti but if you haven't you don't wanna, infact I believe I found it too hard and got Katie too do it ha ha.

 

 

 

 

 

Now we have reached our finale, I have no photo evidence of this because I just couldn't in my panic. The story goes like this...

 

Me and Bella were home alone and I was doing my usual tidy up of the flat. In my tidy up  I sprayed the kitchen sides with bleach kitchen spray but one of Bellas bottles were there and I didn't want it getting sprayed so I briefly moved it on top of my oven (its electric) and then  wiped the sides down. At this point Bella was pottering around doing her thing and I thought it would be a good idea for me and Bella to have a shower and get dressed so in there I took her and we had a nice shower and had a laugh splashing water at each other. When I got me and Bella out the shower I picked up Bellas nappy I had taken off her and put it in the bin but as I got to the kitchen  I was in for a shock. The room was all smoky as I glanced at the oven all I could see was a puddle of melted plastic and a bottle teat sitting on top of it.  In my panic my towel dropped too the floor and there I am butt naked, blinds open opening the windows grabbing the teat off the oven and getting as much plastic as I could off the oven. Don't worry guys Bella was fine! While I was a stupid naked mess, Bella was going down the basket of clean underwear and running around with a pair of Avas knickers on her head. Luckily no one was hurt and I caught it but I think you can understand why I never took a pic! haha.

 

I would love to know what things your little ones get up too!

 

Mine maybe little moos but I wouldn't have them any other way, apart from nearly burning the flat down they keep  me very entertained!

 

I Look forward too filling you in next week!

 

Sorry it was a long one guys but thanks for reading :)

 

Until Next time...

 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

 

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My Mind And Me - Who's Me?

Who's Me ?

New place, new surroundings and new people it was all new, That obviously didn't change when it come to my health visitor. She had arranged to come round to my mine to get to know me and the children  and get together some background information. Sounded great to me as I was dreading walking into a completely new clinic where I didn't know a soul. On the day I tidied around and made the flat look as presentable as I could. My nerves where playing up big time, I was and still am surprised I didn't have a panic attack. When she arrived she seemed friendly and I instantly calmed down a lot and thought to myself ' I had nothing to worry about '. She soon went on her way after arranging her next visit.

I was buzzing for the next visit I wasn't nervous I was calm and collected. I assumed the she was going to  be the same I mean why wouldn't she? But when she arrived she acted totally different, sure she kept up her friendliness, she has to she's a health visitor  but she was so pushy and insistent, I felt my nerves coming back and I was getting anxious for her to leave, I couldn't wait for the visit to be over. It was when she made me do a depression score sheet that she was really rubbing salt into the wound, I had known her five minuets I didn't want her judging me, which is what she did. Straight after she looked at it she shoved about 101 leaflets in my lap, I mean come on that's the last thing I needed she then said I should go counselling and out came the golden  line, I could put you through the mental health team. WHAT?!? I know depression comes under that but why when I can just go to counselling would you then threaten me with that aswell, I hated them two words. Made me sound crazy and it wasn't like she polite about it either. Not only that she was pushing and pushing me to get Ava started in another nursery, as if its just as easy as that. She has just found out im a bit depressed and instead of respected my decisions she wants to push and push me into stuff. Grr. When she left I wanted to dance around the flat because I was so happy, happy at the fact she had pissed off, not happy at what she had said or the way her attitude was.

For the next few days what she said was whirling around In my head, I felt as if I was mental, with that I felt as though I didn't know myself anymore and I also wondered if I was coming across mental. I know I may have exaggerated my reaction slightly but to me it really did effect me like that, I don't know why. It got me so down. I was asking all members of my family if they thought I was mental how I come across and all sorts infact I was that annoying they probably wanted to boot me out the door. I don't think I had ever felt that disconnected from myself as I did in that week or so after she had been. The best way I can describe it is I felt like my head was split in half one side was the normal me and the other side the depressed me, I felt like both sided had separated themselves from each other. The normal side of my brain looking at the other side saying who the hell are you and the depressed side being quiet and not knowing how to answer. I was torn. Leading me not to know what to think about myself. Yes the old me was still inside somewhere but there was this massive part of me that was depressed and it was taking over me slowly, this to me alien side of me was becoming more prominent.

It did start getting too much for me and it left me saying to myself I HAVE to do something about this. If I don't then I'm going to end up too consumed by depression. My first step was getting to know it, get to know my depression, How did I do that? I sorted out the 8 week course of counselling, done by talking therapies. I knew then that once I had got to know my depression and become friends with it then I can finally figure out why it is there, that's the next step. Finding out why it was there wasn't just a why it was also to understand it because if I understood my depression then I would finally understand myself. Then step three, giving it the boot or more like supressing it because we all know you can give depression the boot but it will always come back for a visit every now and then no matter how long its been a way.

Next week I will be talking a bout step one in the journey to tackle my depression

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Review - Sudocrem Care and Protect

Hey Guys,

I hope everyone is having a fab weekend so far, and how lovely of you to take time out to read our blog! What brings me here today you wonder, well as you could possibly tell from the title, a lovely little review brings me here today, so I guess you weren't actually wondering that ha ha.

Just over a week ago I was sent a sample cream by a lovely lady. The cream in question being a nappy rash cream, Care and Protect by Sudocrem! Sudocrem eh a favourite for everyone parent or not, there is always a tub in the medical cupboard more often than not. For this reason I was happy to give this new cream a go! Now as someone who doesn't always read the ins and out of packaging the name care and protect tells me that it cares for the nappy rash and the protects against it afterwards, keep on reading to see if it has done the job!

Now I am going to turn into a cream nerd and get more into detail about what this product offers, its an important part of reviewing and saves you all time in reading labels should you decide to invest! This ointment, claims to be a triple care ointment, which to be fair is pretty good because usually they only ever double protection, well unless its toothpaste, so as soon as you see triple you start getting wooed. These three things are a protective barrier - that will protect against irritation and rubbing, conditions skin - it has in it vitamin E and vitamin B5 and last but not least guards against infection - the protective layer it will form will prevent infection.

Okay so before using the ointment I was impressed, I love the tube, I sound sad but come on if a products packaging is attractive then your going to want to buy it, us humans like things that appeal to our eyes. But you know it isn't just the way it looks, the tube has a nice smooth feel to it, its just different. Its soft, soft like a babies bum and its for a babies bum so I guess that's why they did it like that ha ha. Another appealing thing about the packaging (yes I'm still going on about packaging but this is my last point about it I swear) as you can see by the picture it has an indent for a thumb..or finger, this is so it is easy for one hand opening which as you may know is good when your changing a fidgety baby, trying to keep them still or holding their legs up with one hand and this cool idea does work!

Lets get down to the nitty gritty, the bit you all want to know, does it actually work? When I got this ointment through Bella actually had nappy rash, I know timing eh, I used it straight away I used one application in the evening the day I got it and then two the next day and by the third application the rash was fully gone, so you can say after two applications her nappy rash cleared up, you wouldn't have thought she had even had a rash. I was very  impressed, I was sceptical about the ointment, mainly because others haven't been that impressive, I thought this one would go down the same road I thought it would take a bout a week to clear but it didn't even take a day. I usually use metanium for nappy rash, you know the yellow one, its messy its yellow and the tube usually pierces holes  in it but up until now it done the job the best. This ointment though, leaves no mess, its not greasy it don't keep coming out the tube after you've used it like the damn metanium, its the best I've had for application and tidiness. So the nappy rash had cleared, but my testing didn't stop there I wanted to test what it said on the packaging you know about the who triple thing so I carried on using, and using, and did our friend the nappy rash reappear, no which was great. That wasn't good enough for me I wanted to see if it was the cream doing its job or Bella just fighting it off herself, so for a day just a day I stopped using it. To my surprise my little love started developing a rash again, I reapplied the cream and after a couple applications it was gone. I am impressed. Now the conditions skin side of it I don't know how you would notice as a babies skin is naturally soft and conditioned looking, but given  the rest of what it says is true I take Sudocrems word for it.

Now I didn't buy the cream myself so I have had to do research on the retail price and I have found the price varies between £4 and £6, you can buy from Asda where its £4 for 30g tube, Tesco where it is £5.50 for a 40g tube and Boots where it is £5.99 for a 50g tube. To be honest I would go for the 50g tube at £5.99, only the best for my little one, I want a nappy cream that I can trust, does the job it says and not only treats it when it is there but protects against it, and if it does all that which it does then I do not mind paying the price at all. The metanium has now gone in the bin and I will be buying myself another tube of this care and protect when this one runs out. I really wanted to weigh this review up and throw a few negatives in there, but I just couldn't find any. I encourage other mums out there to invest in this product, it is worth it I promise, at the moment its th ebest nappy cream on the market.

Below are a list of prices and tube sizes from other retailers you can purchase from.

Superdrug - 30g £3.95 100g £9.99
Morrisons - 30g £4.00 on offer at the moment for £2.97 
Sainsburys- 30g £4.00
Waitrose- 30g £4.00 100g £9.99

Thank you for reading

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx