Mischevious Moos - 2

So here we are a week after my first mischievous moos post and its time I write another and inform you all of the antics my little monkeys have got up to this week.

Bella is still creating mayhem with her climbing! She has now learnt how to climb over the back of the sofa, now if you see how tiny she is for 18 months , she's in 9-12 and no where near growing out of them I mean at a push she still can get into 6-9, you would see how difficult it must be for and how much upper body strength she must need! she is like a baby Spiderman. That's not all the climbing she's been doing! She has somehow managed to climb into NOT out of her cot. I was on the sofa when she toddled off, I called her and she didn't come (she usually does) when I went to look I found her sitting in her cot! I got he r out and she showed me how she had done it! She has a bouncy zebra she climbs on and then flips over into her cot. I'm so worried she's going to break her neck! You would think the climbing antics would end there, oh no! Bella likes putting her hand under running water when I am brushing my teeth, this morning she used Ava's chair to climb up, she climbed on the chair then on the back rest of the chair and jumped onto the sink she was  hanging on to the sink and towel rail! I nearly had a heart attack, lucky I was there. She has no fear though, she is a mini Spiderman or Spiderwoman should I say.

Then there is Ava she's growing up by the day! I swear she is 4 going on 14. She now does all our cereal in the morning, she gets the boxes out undoes them undoes the  packet, pours it in and the milk ect , puts it all back without spilling a drop! Matilda springs to mind she will be making pancakes next haha! The clever little moo now also knows how to work the PlayStation, she watches all her programmes on it! all I need to do is turn it off and on. You know what is awkward, when you go to get the wipes and there is none there. you search top to bottom then where do you find it? In Ava's toy buggy! kids eh haha.

 

 

That's all for this week guys! But I am sure there will be plenty to tell you of next week! Hope you enjoyed!!

 

Until Next Time

 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

 

 

Random Rant

 

My List Of Things That P Me Off

There  are many things that p me off! I thought I may write a blog post  about it let you all know, some of these things may p you off too!

One Rule

I hate it when people have one rule for themselves and another for you! Its okay for you to do something but when it comes to them its another story!! Like get off your high fucking horse and come down to earth, you are no better than me your on the same level, now act like it!

There way or no way

I HATE when people think the world revolves around them and if things don't go their way they kick off! I hate having to work my life around every other buggar, people who don't care about you and just want it their way! Well news for you I'm  human being too! I have feelings I have a life! Mine is as important as yours!

Tablets

Have you took your tablets? Yes I bloody have! Just because I have depression it doesn't mean every time I get the ump  and kick off and rant that I haven't took my sodding pills, not everything is depression related! believe it or not I do get p'd off for genuine reasons, I am not insane! I'm a human being with emotions!

Judgemental Strangers

Yeah my baby is crying? So what? Have you never seen a baby cry before  or are you that  uneducated that you don't know that babies cry sometimes? Bloody staring at me like I'm the boogie monster scaring my child. If you go as far as tutting or saying something be prepared for me to turn into the hulk you judgemental arsholes, you will get your head bitten off. My children are loved cared for and happy, just because they cry because they couldn't have a packet of skittles or because they are over tired, does not mean I am a terrible parent! So do me a favour next time, offer a hand, a nice comment or if not sod off and carry on walking!

Weight Jokes

Think your funny? Joking about my weight. Yeah its funny to you but to me it hits me where it hurts. Weight is NOT something you make jokes about to girls, its a sensitive subject. Word of advice stick to banter you know, don't branch out and make a massive change like Roy Hodgson did last night in our final group game of Euro 2016, because it wont work!

Copying

You have your life? Yes. I have my life? Yes. Do you want my life? Obviously. It winds me up something rotten  when someone copies me! Like wtf are you not happy with yourself if that's the case go see a councillor or something don't mimic me. And btw if you do make it so bloody obvious! at least be discreet.

Loan Adverts

I know this one sounds pathetic, but it really gets to me. Everyone wonders why so many people are in debt, well I'm not being funny but whose not going to take it when  its waved under your nose when corrie goes for a break or when your scrolling down Facebook. Like come on people help the nation out, make it discreet pull your advertising back and make sure not as many people fall into the debt trap. Your causing more problems thank you think1 Not just financially but mentally too, debt leads too depression, a hole that very hard to get out of. Have a heart and advertise discreetly else where.

SALE

So when out or online we always look for the red SALE sign, I guess like me you cant hold in your excitement thinking your going to find some proper bargains! Its when you get there and there is like £2 off. Really? are you fucking with me? How on earth do they have the cheek to put a SALE sign up. It p's me off mainly because of the deflation I feel afterwards.

So there you have it 8 things that p me off, trust me there is a lot more but the list would be too long! lets stop it while its short. I do apologise for the swearing I am on a rant and venting a bit. I also think its good if its the real me on here you are reading.

Until  Next Time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Katies Come back ....Sort of

Oh god!! I have no idea where to even start!! I haven't written a blog post since late last year due to health problems and I have totally lost the blogging vibe.

I used to love sitting down either on the sofa or in bed writing about my health and lifestyle which also helped with my Depression and Anxiety because just to write and express what is on your mind feels so bloody good. So when I had to stop blogging it wasn't a nice feeling. I didn't bother on our Instagram or twitter, I just abandoned the blog and the whole social media side of things. At the time Beth was moving down nearer to me so I was just happy at the fact that I am able to see my Nieces whenever. Then there is the illnesses!! 

As you all know I have Ankylosing Spondylitis and Ulcerative Colitis which I have done many, many posts about and looking back I was somehow "managing" with my symptoms and side effects from medication. With the help of mediation and LOTS OF PAINRELIEF and hot water bottles, I could sit down and happily open the laptop but now things are abit different to say the least.

Since late last year, I have NOT been "managing" and life has became very different. If I could only use one word to describe it would be "Exhaustion". Exhaustion from every little task I do, Exhaustion from stupid simple things such as shower, wash my hair and even washing my face and also from taking the stupid amount of medication I have to take and just Exhaustion of being awake. End of last year I started getting pain in my thighs then my hips then my hands and now my knees. My mobility is poor and there are times where getting out of bed is impossible. Well I say "times" but I mean mostly every day. I struggle to sleep, I get numbness and tingling in most joints, my thighs feel swollen and throb with pain and now my knees which is the newest of symptoms. I wake up and from head to toe I am stiff. Having to rely on Morphine based patches to basically live is so depressing and yet I STILL get pathetic comments from certain people. I have had physio which made zero difference I mean  does it ever work? Especially with such conditions as I have, its going to take more than a few leg stretches to cure. So now I await to hear from various of specialist. The main condition this is all being linked to which I am being tested for is Fibromyalgia. Of course I have done lots of googling (who doesn't) and have read up on this condition among other conditions. From reading I have learnt that is it hard to actually be diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and have had few people tell me they was being tested for a year just to get the diagnoses so that bit scares me. I don't want it being dragged out that long, I just want to get sorted and start feeling better, I'm so exhausted from medical tests and hospitals.  

There is so much I want to write about but I can't get most out. That is down to Brain Fog, I will at some point do a post about this as it is totally life changing. My mind is mushed! and also down to the silly side effects of my medication. I will get Beth to proof read this because I struggle to make sense sometimes. I have given Bethany my laptop as it was no use to me anymore so at least she is getting use out of it but I plan to write posts on my iPhone on the blogger app or on my notes and then sending them to Beth as she is a lot more clever than me and will pick out all the spelling mistakes and the sentences that don't make any sense haha. Bethany sort of runs the blog by herself for the moment and also she runs the twitter, I run the Instagram for the blog as it still gives me a little input into the blog without it effecting my health. I have set up an new Twitter for myself so follow it if you want to hear me moaning about life or hospitals haha my twitter is @KatieAmyPricex but you can still reach me on the blog Twitter @Essextowindsor were I pop up from time to time, and Beth lets me know when there are messages for me.

I have enjoyed writing this actually but my legs are in pain, my patch is due for a change 30 mins ago haha. I am currently at Bethany's while she is at Sally's hair supplies getting some new scissors so one is on the laptop on the sofa while Bella has her nap and Ava is watching YouTube on the TV haha. I might try and get another post written if my body lets me. Thank you for anyone who has read this... and got to the end of this post and apologises if I don't makes sense!! Hope to see you all soon :)


Love Katie :)

My Fiance A Wonderful Daddy

My Fiancé a wonderful Dad

 

 

 

 

Dear Tommy,

Who would have imagined when you first sent me your number that would be here today, a lovely little family with two children. To be honest from the first time we spoke I knew we were going to spend our lives together, I just didn't expect to have your baby as soon as I did. Do you remember finding out in Tesco toilets? Classy eh. The shock was massive but you were so happy! you couldn't Stop smiling! I was so happy that I was  going to be doing it properly this time! It was so good to have you to go to all the scans and appointments, I just don't think you knew what the wait was going to be like. We all know how impatient you are mr. And that didn't change with pregnancy, I got you a gender scan because I knew you couldn't wait to find out the sex and you were delighted when you found out she was a little girl. We got proper stuck in to preparation and buying things for our little girl. It was so much fun. I love how protective you got over me towards the end. Such a protective daddy already. Do you remember all the false times I thought labour was coming! They were so often  that when I was in actual labour we didn't believe it and it was  such a race to get me to hospital that you nearly crashed into the hospital barriers haha. Thank you for being by my side through the birth babe, it was so lovely to have a dad there this time and there was nothing more lovely than  a dad meeting his daughter for the first time, oh thanks for the labour selfie babe!


                                                 


You have thrown yourself into parenting so well! Your a natural though your a fantastic daddy to Ava so I knew you would be okay. You are such a fantastic daddy to them, doing the nappy changes, feeds ect. The way you make them laugh is magical. You have such a special way with your girls. I love the fact we are a unit in parenting it gives such a healthy balance. Hearing the word daddy from both of their mouths warms my heart to this day. You love doing family things don't you. When we go to the park I like to sit back and watch you spend time with the girls, they are so happy, you make them so happy. You don't get to spend loads of time with them during the week so I know you cherish the weekends with them, your laugh when your mucking around with them is priceless. Your the best daddy I could ever ask for, for our girls.

Lastly  I would like to say thank you for taking on Ava the way you have, You are all she knows as a dad. You are her dad and there's nothing else too it. You didn't have to do  it but you did, and that makes you such an incredible man. A man your mother should be proud of and I know that she is. You should also be proud of yourself babe, the dad you have turned into is amazing and I cant wait to have more of your babies.

Happy Fathers Day Tom

Love from Me Ava And Bella

Love you always baby  xxx

A letter to dad

A letter to dad

Dear Dad,


I don't even know where to start, how do I even begin to say thank you to you. I have a mountain of things to be grateful for I just don't know where to start. Sure you did the dad stuff when I was young, you know the normal dad stuff like teaching me to swim, teaching me to ride a bike, taking me to the park providing a safe and secure home for me and keeping me fed and watered. There were also the unconventional things you did with me too like taking me on ghost walks, to haunted prisons and of course loosing me and a little shop in pontins... I had to bring that up haha. We had so much fun going to all the plane museums and air shows too didn't we dad. I used to and still do love hearing you tell me all about them in great detail, its amazing how much you know so clever. The smile on your face when you would show me around these places was heart warming, I remember thinking those days that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I think I knew more about the spitfire before I was 10 than any other girl did in her lifetime, I am so grateful you have filled my head with all  that knowledge. Thank you. I think back to all these time with a smile the size of the world, I'm so happy we have done so much together, you know I get a little teary too dad, how did it all go too fast? One minuet I was relying on you left right and centre and being your companion  to all these places and now I have my own family to run and I don't live that close. I do miss those times a lot but I have had to grow up I just wish the days never went so quick. I will cherish these memories forever, you gave me a lovely childhood.

I remember seeing the two lines on that stick and it didn't feel real. I couldn't believe it and it never sunk in till I, well Elisa told Mum. Soon the realisation hit that I would have to tell you, I would have to tell you dad that your little girl was pregnant at 17. I was petrified, I knew I had let you down. I thought you would be disgusted, ashamed and embarrassed. I hid out at a mates when mum told you, I had my phone in my hand waiting for Mum to tell me she had told you. When you picked me up from a friends things had never been so awkward between us, you barely spoke to me and all I wanted was a cuddle and for you to tell me you loved me and it was going to be okay, I was scared dad I was still a child which I could tell is what you were thinking, but I wanted to keep my baby. I knew you would come around when you got used to the idea. I knew you loved me unconditionally and that you would be there for me, so when you started smiling about it I knew it was going to be okay. One time really sticks out in my mind, when we was in gran canaria and you spoke about the baby girl in my belly. It was different, you was smiling about her you was talking about when she was going to be here like you never had before, I knew then I had your unconditional support, I knew you would be by my side. By my side that you were especially when the hard part came. My labour, it was painful and needed an epidural, you got me through it, kept me still and held my hand, without you I wouldn't have done it I want you to know that. Thank you for being there during that, thank you for never leaving my side the whole time. Some woman may feel weird having their dads see that but I didn't it felt right and it felt natural and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I needed my daddy there and I would have you there again. When Ava arrived it was magical you had the first proper cuddle, you were natural with her,  the love in your eyes was amazing and its then I think you made the promise to always be there for her. And that you have been, you have been there for her since the day she was born till now and continue to be your a wonderful granddad not just to Ava not just to Bella but to all your grandchildren, there's a reason they love you so much.

Thank you dad for giving me a home when it was just me and Ava, you could have easily have told me to find somewhere but you didn't. Whenever I needed you, you were always right there offering a hand in help and you still are. You were there to give me break of an evening by cuddling my little bundle till she was soundo. You where happy to change her and feed her, taking on daddy responsibilities you sure made being a single parent easier. You made me see being single parent was not something to be ashamed of, you always told me I was doing a good job. That meant the world to me. If you thought I was doing good then I didn't care what everyone else thought your opinion was the one that mattered most. Sure over time I met Tommy and grown up more, had another baby and moved out. But dad I'm still your little girl. Just a bit heavier these days. I want to thank you for letting Tom move in, I had fell in love and you helped my heart not break. I may have found love dad but you will always be my first love and the love I have for you in unconditional. Thank you for not booting me out even when my family expanded and space was tight. I felt so ashamed that I hadn't  and couldn't give my girls a home but the fact you did and you let us stay made it easier. Of course the time came when we moved, I had tears in my eyes the whole time and know you did too, we knew we wouldn't see each other all the time and I knew it was breaking your heart being separated from Ava. I hope you see I am trying to see you as much as I can, though saying goodbye never gets easier, I miss you dad and I know the girls miss you too.

I want to mention when you lost granddad, I know its random but its the first time I saw you cry properly. It broke your heart and I felt helpless because I wanted to fix it for you. I wanted to cuddle you and tell you it would get easier and it will be okay. He would be so proud of you, of the dad you are, the granddad you are and the incredible man you are. He lives on in you we can all see it.

I have been through so much two very difficult times to be exact and you know what I'm talking about, I could have broken, I nearly did. I know those times are probably hard for you to think of and painful, but with out your support through them I don't know where I would be now. I do look and think how did I get where I am now, how did I get from some painful moments in my life to a happy family now, well that's because of you and mum guiding me through and being the best support system, I owe who I am today to you.

This letter is to you, to say thank you for being you thank you for doing so much for me beyond what is expected. All I have ever wanted was to make you proud dad the way I am of you. You truly are one in a million, I have struck gold. Happy fathers Day dad. I love you... unconditionally.

Lots of love

Your little girl.  

My Mind And Me - Obsessive Desperation

Obsessive desperation

I remember endless days on right move, I must have searched every area in Berkshire. At the beginning I had a clear image of what type of area I wanted and what type of place I wanted. I wanted a nice peaceful area a newish done place that was clean and ideal. I didn't want anywhere cramped either, the last thing I needed was to develop claustrophobia. I must have looked through hundreds of places and they were all out of price range or too far ect. I cant tell you how many times I wanted to throw my phone out the window, but I could afford the screen fixture.

This took a toll on me, my fuse had got shorter and the tears had increased. I had brought Ava home to my parents house after having her, which was understandable I was only young and single. Not that there is anything wrong with my parents but it weren't mine. And now id brought my second baby back to theirs. That was just not how I had seen my second childs homecoming being. I was in a relationship we were a family we should have had our own family home. I took this on my shoulders massively to be honest. I was their mum I should be providing a home for them not every other tom dick and harry. Though mum, dad I am ever so grateful you put a roof over our heads when I couldn't. I know Tom felt guilt over this but I know not as much as I did and it wasn't his fault, he was working his bum off, every hour everywhere bless him. I blamed myself. What had I done to try and get our girls their own home. This is why I believe I developed my obsession with property searching. And boy did it turn into an obsession.

I had lost sight of what I had envisioned for our first home. I was emailing all properties, not taking any notice of what they looked like. My goal became my goal and nothing else mattered, heck we didn't even have the deposit money but that didn't faze me I was asking for viewings with hope we could somehow get the deposit however it be. Not realistic no but for some reason I didn't believe it was unrealistic to me it was as real as the sun. I got Tommy to view places after work, he was knackered, but I wouldn't take  no for an answer, I just had to be a good mum I had to find my girls their own home. Tommy would come home from these to be frank shit holes, he would tell me all about them, how disgusting they were how we wouldn't be going anywhere near them. I was devastated every time. I even accused Tom of lying, saying that he was saying they weren't nice because he didn't want to move in with me. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I found another place, but I insisted I go with Tom so I did, my obsession had got worse, I had to go with Tom now. We pulled up in some dodgy looking street, but still I was looking for all positives and wouldn't acknowledge the mountain of negatives. I can tell you this now as I can see it clearly but back then I couldn't see it through my blindness of obsession and desperation. The place was a wreck bars on the windows, really pokey, a kitchen with bits hanging off, rooms where tiny, it was a vile colour and it stunk to high heaven. Tommy hated it I could tell and I did too deep down but I wanted my own place so bad. So I tried to convince Tom of the positives tried to get him to see what the flat could have been like with a lot of work done, work that would have cost a fortune, money we didn't have but did do you think that bothered me? No. Realistically could I see myself Tom and the girls living there? No it was another shit hole. But I weren't thinking about that at the time my mind was focused and I wanted to secure the flat. Obsession had completely taken over me.

I needed someone to take control over me before I did something I'd later regret like moving into one of the roughest flats. Two days after viewing I had put down a holding fee. Still had no deposit. What the fuck was all that about. Tom however was having second thoughts and rightly so he new it was disgusting and we shouldn't live there. He called it off and got the holding fee back. I was furious, the obsessive bitch inside of me wanted to explode. And she did but surprisingly not with anger, I must have cried so much that day I could have created a whole new river Thames. Now I cant thank Tommy enough  for doing that he saved us from living in a pit and I'm so ashamed I went that far to nearly make us live in somewhere so unsuitable. I had started off my moving out goal to give my children  their own beautiful safe home and in the end I was doing it because, I felt like I needed something so desperately and I felt like I needed to accomplish my goal so desperately.

After that incident Tom got tougher he had too. It shocked me too and I realised every thing it was like the slap in the face I needed in order to snap out of it and rid the obsession, so I don't regret finding that place because if I didn't my obsession may have got worse. I calmed down a lot thankfully though I still searched a lot I weren't as bad. I come round to thinking it will happen eventually. For a while things were calm, until I started bubbling again and that right move app started opening more, to be honest it was teasing me sitting there on my phone. I could feel that black hole opening again and I was so frightened of the obsession repeating itself.

I believe that obsession and desperation are also a sign of depression. Depression is made up of a lot and are believe these are part of it. I want you to know that if your feeling desperate about something, obsessive about something that you don't want or need to be obsessive about I want you to know that your not alone I've been there I've rode that part out and for me it was the most scary bit of the depression (not that I knew I was suffering with it at the time). But I got through it with the love and support of family who snapped me back to reality. You will too, on the whole its a minor part of the depression journey, but its one I thought I would make people aware of.

Thanks for reading

Watch out for the next My Mind And Me next week

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Mischievious Moo's - 1

Children make me laugh especially mine.  They are hilarious. The things they get up to make me laugh more than Lee Evans doing stand up. They are always getting up to something, I'm not talking about one thing a week I mean they are always up to something mischievous but funny every day. Safe to say my life is pretty eventful. I was thinking of doing a new series on what my girls get up too. I want to share my little laughs with all of you. Its good to have a cheerful post. So here we are I am not just thinking of it I'm doing it. Some things I will mention are just things that Bella has learnt to do as I like to keep you all updated.

Bella my little monkey has learnt how to climb! Now she has known how to do this for a while but now her limits have gone sky high, no height fazes her, she has no fear. I caught her climbing on the dining room chair. Pretty normal right? But then she took it to the next level she decided to go on the table and no not sit on it, stand walk and dance around on it. Luckily I have a hatch in my kitchen so I can see what goes on in the front room and I caught her in time. My heart actually stopped. It was in my throat and Bella just found it funny. That's not the end of her climbing antics, she has also found the window ledge, she climbs onto the sofa and the onto the window ledge and stands up, though this is for a rather cute reason, she is looking for her daddy and calls him when she is up at the window, she starts this in the morning and does it on and off until Tommy gets in early evening. Safe to say I need eyes up my bum where Bella's climbing is concerned.

Bella has also managed to find mummy's make up! I knew one day the girls would become curious in make up, they see me do it but I didn't think it would be quite this soon haha. I turned round to find Bella trying to apply red lipstick oh and trying to eat it! After closer inspection I also noticed she managed to paint my bedding red with it too! What a cheeky moo! She knows how to make people laugh, she knows exactly what cracks me and Tommy up at the age 1! she likes to put her shorts on her head and run around like a mad baby, safe to say we was wetting ourselves, not literally of course. Though with my pelvic floors I wouldn't be surprised! ha ha too much info. To Bellas weekly antics we can add her first roly poly which she decided to do in her cot when she was supposed to be asleep. She was awake for two hours after bed time, in this time she had decided to become a gymnastic dancer and told me to go away ha ha, oh and that she wanted daddy. I felt so wanted haha.

Ava, she has had a pretty quiet week for her though she has been coming out with classic Ava comments, saying to me its not "init" its "isn't it" she has also been calling me a melon quite regular too! cheeky moo! She has also adopted another favourite when I tell her off, "just let me do what I want to do" I try not to laugh at this, the way she delivers her one liners are hilarious. Ava loves watching cooking programmes Jamie Oliver ones in particular, she fancies him he is her boyfriend don't you know. Ava thought she would take inspiration from this today and do her own cooking programme using two different flavour yoghurts, she was mixing and pouring and making a bloody mess! I almost fainted when I saw the mess on my dining table ha ha! To be fair it didn't take long to clear up  and she was having fun I suppose, no harm done!

 

 

 

That is it on the antics on my cheeky little moos for this week! I will be turning this into a series, I know this is going on today (weds) but I will be posting this on a Tues weekly.

I hope you enjoyed :) what funny things do your little ones get up too?

Until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx