My Mind And Me - the beginning of my story

The Beginning of my story

 

I suppose at first I was in denial. To be honest it didn't feel like denial, more like the unknown with an inkling I didn't want to admit. Strange that probably don't make any sense, but to me it makes perfect sense. It felt like normal behaviour at first. I was only responding to others actions. I couldn't help my reactions, if people didn't  like the way I reacted then they shouldn't have acted the way the did towards me. who can blame a girl for sticking up for herself? That little voice in my head was very convincing, and I liked that voice, it was the only one who made sense to me, It was the only one who was on 'my side'. No one else was, don't be silly I knew, I knew that everyone else was against me. Well that's the story I created in my head anyway. I would say I was in denial about that. I lost count on how many times people would say to me I just 'think' people are against me. But as usual I would hit out and say no I know they are. That was just what they said to make me think they weren't. I was doomed to fight all my battles alone, it was me against everyone else, no one there to back me up to fight my corner. Just me. Though I didn't understand it. Why did no one back me up? Why were they all against me? What have I done so wrong? But what I did know was I was right. I was sure of it.

My mind was awful, playing tricks on me I believed. You know I would wake up one day and my mind wasn't one I had known. It was alien to me. That one voice I had always relied on was telling me different. It was telling me I was wrong. What on earth? now my own mind was turning on me? But this voice was also the only one that could convince me. I would actually be happier them days. I would feel calm and normal again. Thank goodness no one was picking arguments with me. They had taken a day off. I believed this. I had convinced myself of it. It weren't that I was wrong, it was that everyone else had simply taken a day off and with that it was easier. I suppose that was then the denial started. 

 

Other days my mind was back to 'normal'. Or everyone was against me again. They didn't rest  for long. This was really starting to wear me down. I would sit alone and cry. The bathroom was a good place for that and feeling sorry for myself became a comfort. I would wrap my arms around myself to hug myself. Well someone had to. I was alone remember? These days happened quite often, I could have filled and Olympic sized swimming pool with the tears that I shed on that bathroom floor. Why the bathroom your probably thinking, well that was the only place that felt peaceful. It helped me think and gather my thoughts. When I would come out you would think I was fine. I would smile and get on with it. Well you have to don't you? Plus there was nothing wrong with me. Everyone is entitled to a little cry right? Mine just happened more often.

 

 

Look out for My Mind and Me part 2 Next Week.

 

LotsOfLove

Beth...xxx

Tommy & Beth: Our Little Love Story

So I thought it would be a good idea to tell you all how I came to find my true prince charming (sorry for the cringe factor!) and became to be a part of this lovely family...

Never being one to go out clubbing, drinking ect, I knew finding
love wouldn't be easy and would only be in with a chance of 'pulling' once a year (prob Christmas or New Year). Not that I was going out looking for men, but you are always aware that you could possibly go home at the end of the night with either a big ego and a new number on your contact list or with ya self esteem shot down and asking yourself why you have a phone. I had come to a point in my life where I realised love wouldn't come knocking at my door and decided to give internet dating a try... 

I used to be very skeptical about internet dating due to the amount of horror stories you hear about them... and believe me there are a few questionable characters on there, but I decided to put my hesitations to one side and give it a go! Why not? 
I found myself getting a lot of private messages of cringy chat up lines and getting into some weird conversations with some strange men its then I started questioning my decision on joining the site so I signed myself off. 
Its scary to think I almost never met the 'one' and how different my life could have ended up, I thank my lucky stars I had one last random check of my online dating inbox, because sitting there was a message from a guy who was sweet, kind and thoughtful a guy who as soon as saw his picture just looked different from the rest, maybe it was the look in his eye I don't know. It was the message I had hoped for from the the man I had always dreamed of, my future husband. 


The first picture I saw of Tommy ... 

With  his number in my inbox I excitedly sent the first text message and we have not looked back. We was texting non stop from that point on. I can remember getting butterflies in my stomach every time I saw he had messaged me and my fingers were twitching to text back. Not long after starting our text conversations we decided it was time for a phone call and one evening he rung me, his voice was like magic, all I thought it would be and more we clicked even  more and spent 5 hours on the phone not going asleep til early hours. Every night on from that we would speak on the phone for 3 hours each time, needless to say our phone bills took a bashing but it was so worth it!. To be honest, I think our families got a bit annoyed at us talking through the night and keeping them up but I am sure they would now agree that they wouldn't have had it any other way because we have ended up so happy. 

Our first date: 

I was on at Tom to come and see me, with him the only one that drove it made sense that he came to me first and Tommy being the gentleman he is wouldn't have it any other way. Once Tommy finally set a date to come and see me I was buzzing for the two weeks leading up to it and the Saturday couldn't come round quick enough,tho it felt like those weeks dragged!! When the day finally came I spent ages getting ready and couldn't shake the feeling of butterflies! I even  made my mum answer the door because I was so nervous! I didn't want him to see me and  be disappointed because believe me when I laid eyes on him for that first time I felt like a Disney princess staring into the eyes of my handsome prince charming.We had a lovely time going for Nandos  and to the cinema, we laughed and joked and just clicked straight away it felt like we had known each other forever, we even had our first kiss! By the time it came to say goodbye I felt like part of me was leaving, so we arranged a meeting in London the next weekend.We have been inseparable ever since.

My first trip to Windsor:

Tommy took me to meet his family in Windsor not long after our trip to London, it was the most amazing weekend of my life! As soon as I entered the family home everyone was immediately welcoming and kind. We spent our first nights together and woke up to each other it was bliss. Tommy took me to nandos and Windsor castle, I remember kissing Tom in the car when we got back from the castle, I just remember thinking how perfect my life was, I still think that. When Tommy took me back to Essex that Sunday it was so hard to say could bye with both of us ending up in tears. We missed each other so much I ended up returning on the Wednesday. 

 Where are we now?:

We have never been apart since our weekend in Windsor, Tommy soon moved in with me in Essex at my parents home but due to work commitments we have recently moved to Windsor. Since the day we met me and Tom have got engaged hoping to marry next year and I am currently 8 months pregnant with a baby girl, not forgetting our beautiful daughter Ava. I am the happiest woman alive, my life is fulfilled with and wonderful husband to be and two beautiful daughters. Although we have our ups and downs and the odd argument we are stronger than any couple you will ever know, we are meant to be Tom is my soul mate. We are a team and get through any obstacles together. I love him so much and always will do. 

Thats mine and Toms story, for those of you that want a nice little quick read, this is a little insight to our lives so far. 

Hope you enjoyed, remember true love never dies ...

Lots Of Love 
Beth ...xxx