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So today is my 23rd birthday and for the first time ever that I'm not really bothered if I have cake or celebrate to be honest. Not having my Nieces, Brother & Beth is probably 50% of the reason I'm not bothered but the other 50% would defiently be my two illnesses, anxiety and depression. Last year I wasn't that bad as was only 3 months into when the pains started and I wasn't even diagnosed then. Now it's much different, I know I can't drink as today I start a strong painkiller for nerve pain, I can't eat too much or if any cake due to my colitis as it's very up in the air lately, I haven't got much money or much family around to go and do something so to me it's just going to be an ordinary day.
See I was once a blonde ha
So far I think I've been through quite a lot in my life. For a 23 year old, I've suffered with many illnesses since I was about 16 year old, suffered with heartache, loss of family members, self harm, depression, eating disorder, anxiety, panic attacks and alot of hurt in my life and obviously I wished I never suffered with any of them but in a weird way it's made me very mature and my head is screw on. I done clubbing the drinking the partying til late and all of that stuff when I was 16/17 so when I got to 18 I wanted to calm down and settle which no one around me was doing.
I've had the worse luck in my life too be honest with love, career, education and personal stuff. I've never been the one to know what exactly what career I wanted. I always wanted to have a husband and my own family while everyone my age was out in Ibiza doing summers over there. When I had an misscarriage in 2012 that was when a light switch on in my head and made me realise I need to concertrate on myself, I'm too young for my own family and that I need to live a little first. I tried and tried, I went to job interviews that worked out well, got the jobs and always something would happen health wise that would make me not able to start those jobs. I didn't have any real friends and I had a few years of just feeling stuck and being down.
In 2014, my life changed for the better. Ava and Bethany walked into my life and since then I have been so lucky and blessed to have a sister in law who is also my best friend, she helped me more than she knows. Beth has helped my confidence and I feel 100% safe now knowing I actually have a true friend that I haven't had since I was 16 years old. And then Ava who when I meet her she couldn't even talk much or climb onto my bed and now she telling me stories and cuddles me and says she loves me. I absolutely adore this little girl and being an auntie is the best thing ever happened to me. It's made me a stronger, happier and wiser person. Yeah 2014 was mainly a lot of bad luck health wise & family stuff but the memories that me, tommy, Bethany, Ava and my mother made are ones I will never forget. Then end of 2014 my life got even better and I gained another beautiful niece. Bella Mai has made all of our lives complete. I cannot wait to make even more memories with my nieces.
To finish this post I have included a picture above of me as a baby which I think slightly looks abit like Bella Mai. So in 23 years I have had more downs than ups but I'm so lucky to be alive. I hope I have my own family one day and to me my main goal in life is to able to have a baby and if I can't have babies then I shall be adopting LOTS of puppies haha.
So happy birthday to me. Time to open cards, no pressies yet and get drunk on erm coffee as going for a costa lunch. How exciting are birthdays eh!!! I want a party with musical chairs, pass the parcel and party bags. Growing up isn't fun.
Love Katie
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