A letter to friends.

Dear friends,

Before I met you I was a shell with an inside full of mush. Trying to find myself in a new place with a series of change happening before my eyes. Scared and anxious of what may come my way. Stuck in a rut of routine, a routine that I'm not knocking its a routine that kept me going and kept me dealing with day to day life. Yeah I have family, a great one at that. But they weren't there with me day to day though everyday phone calls kept me sane.
 The amount of times I wished I had a "clique" sad I know, but I longed for the girly chats and the mum to mum school moans. School holiday meetings and coffee mornings. Most girls dream of fancy holidays, dinners and gifts. Me I dreamed of reigniting my social life. Social life, I used to take it for granted. Never really realised the value of friends. Sure I have Katie but I think of her more like my sister.
 When we first started talking I was sceptical. Not of any of you, in myself. I didn't think it would move past the odd talk in the playground or outside my flat. Who would want a proper friendship with me? The more we talked and the closer we got the more the mush  inside this shell of me started to harden and thicken, became more of a substance. I started to feel like me again. I started to look forward to school runs and ballet runs. Started to experience night out. I was like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Coffee mornings are a thing now and set me up for the day, ballet afternoons on a Thursday happen regularly. 
  I have people to go to when I'm feeling down. I don't have to put everything on one person who was usually Katie. I'm glad I haven't got to put all my problems on her and I have you girls to help me to and like wise  that I can be there as a good friend to you ladies too.
I used to take social life and friendship for granted thinking I will always have it, how wrong was I. It makes you feel human, it gives you laughs and support and well company. Thank you ladies , and here's to many years of friendship.

Beth xxx
 

My Little Ballerina

Our Lovely Readers,

As you all know we have recently moved from Essex to Berkshire, so enough of a distance. I have recently posted the effects the move has had on me and I how I have dealt with it, But I haven't gone into  detail on the effects it had on my girls. Bella being so young she hasn't noticed at all. She wouldn't have noticed if we were living on earth or outta space as long as she was fed washed and loved. That we have always done, so explains how the move went over her head. Ava though was that much older and knowing so she noticed.

Ava was very happy about the move in general and on the out side. She would constantly tell us how she loved her new home and run around like a nutter. Prior to the move Ava had been settled in a nursery and loving it, she had friends and her 'work' was coming along great, she became a right little social butterfly. It practically ripped my heart out having to pull her out of that nursery. I thought she was going to take it worse than she did, but actually she was alright. It was a shock how she took It but made me so proud. Since she has always commented about her friends and it tugs at my heart strings whenever she does, making the decision to not put her into a nursery here prob made it more. You see there is not long till she goes to school  and being in some sort of child care since the age of 9 months I wanted some time with her before she grew up even more and went to school. Selfish? Probably but I had her interests at heart too, I didn't want to get her settled all over again just so she  could leave and start school, it was too a much all at once, I felt. I had my health visitor practically pressuring me to get her into nursery which made me question my decision, it took courage I believe to follow my instincts and say no its my decision. However Ava kept saying about her friends and I couldn't  stop the guilt eat away at me and I did question my choices, but as she never said anything in a sad way it made it easier. At the same time Ava's behaviour became worse it led me to wonder why, was it the move? the lack of socialising with other children? I don't know. I was still adamant of my decision and that was not going to change, once my mind is made up its  made up. Its a pain in the bum sometimes haha. Ava has inherited that off of me too. So any way I started to look at other ways I could get her into socialising with other children.

Of course there were a lot of groups ran round here, but that's not what I was looking for. I wanted some form of consistency. Its what Ava needed. I wanted her to see the same groups of people every week, make friends and rebuild her confidence in them social situations (she had started going shy again). This is when I felt like I had been given a gift from god. A new dance studio had opened literally next to me. I thought I would look into the prices ect. To my delight the prices were so good I couldn't believe it, and they did dancing for Avas age! she chose ballet which I knew she would. Seeing the delight on her face when I told her she could go was priceless, I will never forget it. She was so excited when  she first went as she is every week. A whole burst of energy comes out of her on ballet days. She's improving every week too! Not just on the dancing but on the socialising half too. She is making friends. The first lesson she wouldn't talk to anyone, it did make me worry, but now she will involve her self. I am so proud of her. Ballet was a saviour. Its helped maintain the progress we made with nursery. More surprisingly its turned out the ballet is something she really wants to do, she is always practicing her feet ect. Right now I am happy with the decision I have made. I get to spend time with her before school and she still has interaction with other children. I am one extremely happy and proud mummy right now.  

The dance studio Ava goes to is Vibez in Woodley Reading their prices are cheap but lessons are good and lovely people, I any of you live near I recommend if interested.

Thanks for reading :)

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

Don't know, Don't Judge

As many of you may have experienced when having a child many of your friends may not talk to you as much, you spend your time knee high deep in nappies, playing comedian to your gorgeous little bundle taking snapshots of every wide eyed cheeky smile and taking on the whole new language of baby talk in order to engage in full length conversations with your gorgeous little person. So while doing all this you tend to forget that you ever had a social life. When you do eventually remember, your friends have moved on and to be honest speaking from my experience the drinking evenings well any evenings out past 11pm is just not your scene anymore partly because your simply just too tired and well  you don't want to leave your precious baby for too long. So it goes without saying you find a new sense of social life one in which you can spend with your child and be home way before 11pm. The answer? Baby groups.

Well I got the chance to join said baby group, I didn't honestly think I would get the confidence to hit it off with any other mums because well quite frankly engaging in full length conversations with people I barely know talking about intimate details like child birth sparing no details was not a strong point. Quite honestly my shyness sucked. I wouldn't mind but it only shows itself sometimes. Needless to say I did engage and too my surprise it was not that scary and I found myself enjoying the detailed stories of child birth and being able to compare experiences. I completely enjoyed going every week and having mums to relate to and having baby friends for my little Bella. It was refreshing something new. I never did any baby groups with Ava, I still had a close friend to go on shopping trips with and be social with ect but that's for another post! As you can imagine I was quite sad when the group came to  an end. delightfully myself and the other ladies exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up, this is a perk to baby groups.

I bet you wonder why on earth I am rambling and want me to get to the point of the title well don't worry I am ...

We met up we had a fab time seeing everyone in another setting (a certain coffee shop beginning with a C) we had in depth convos about parenting shared advice and got to know each other very well.  We all got on perfectly so much so we arranged another meeting. This second meeting is when I started seeing a certain person in a whole new light. We discussed our ages after revealing mine a certain member of the group started to act funny with me, didn't seem to want to  smile at me talk directly to me or quite frankly listen to me. To be honest at first I thought I was being paranoid, but after another meeting she was still the same.

Now why would you judge a person on age? Just because I am younger than the rest of the group does not mean I know nothing. For a start I have 2 children to her 1 I have tons of advice more I could give as I have been done that before. Yes no baby is the same and even I am still learning. These people who judge on matters such as age seriously don't know the person. I have been through some dark times in my nearly 22 years which I have not opened up about to the blog world yet. These are things most people do not go through in their entire life time.

Tonight as I am writing this post asking why? Why does age have to make some one change toward you? Yeah some younger people can be immature but not all, saying that she was fine with me before she found out, had conversations with me listened ect. So literally because of my age that makes the  difference. How does that change the person that I am?

I have thought this over time and time again in my head thinking this is my fault something I have done when the other day I stopped and thought no Bethany you have not done anything wrong your age is not your fault you cant help the year in which you were born and your a mature great person. No, this is small mindedness of small minded people. I would say to people who judge simply don't. You don't know anyone back story you don't know their experiences. In your mind your thinking you look better but you don't. Stop think and get to know. You will look better to people and feel better.

REMEMBER ... Don't judge a book by its cover.

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx