Getting Depression Again?

Am I getting depression again?

I've suffered with Depression throughout my childhood, teenager years and early adult years so I know every sign possible. I've gone to every type of therapy and counselling possible and also been on many anti depression medication. But since 2012, I haven't been on any anti depression tablets and I attended Therapy early 2012 but I stopped going because I felt like it wasn't working and I wanted to try and get on with my life without any therapy or meds ect. So I would say I haven't been depressed for many of years but obviously I have suffered with feeling down alot but how do you stop classing it as feeling down and class it as depression? 

This year has been the best but also the worse year. My Brother got engaged, him and Beth are expecting a baby girl very soon, I've had some amazing memories with My Niece Ava and other memories with family which has made this year amazing but also I've had the worse luck with my health with being diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis, having problems with my bowels which has resulted in me having an operation on 24th December this year and also problems with my Womb/Lady stuff so that has been really hard to deal and cope with. 

Obviously everyone is entitled to have there down days but lately I had more down days than any good days which has made me think am I suffering with depression again? I don't want to go back on Medication as Im on alot of medication at the mo due to my back condition and I don't want to have anymore and also the side effect to more anti depression aint nice and I can do without them. When Beth lived here it was like having a therapist to talk to every night and I would bore her with my rants and random talks but since Beth has moved back to Essex I obviously haven't spoken to her like I use to which I think is one of the reasons I think Im suffering with depression again. Having someone to talk to is a MASSIVE help and sometimes it is just as helpful as medication. When I go to my next monthly update with my GP I will mention this to him and how I am feeling because I really want to go into 2015 feeling a good as possible. I know I will never be 100% happy because being ill mostly every single minute makes it impossible to feel happy but I would like to be at least 60% happy instead of like 20% happy I feel lately. 

Depression is nothing to hide or be ashamed of. I accept I will more than likely get depression throughout my life. I suffer badly with Anxiety and panic attacks which at the moment Im getting really bad Anxiety so much!! Shopping, busy places and being alone is freaking me out lately. Previous years I have ignored going to the doctors to get help and it has ended up getting worse and worse but Im determined to get help and to get better ASAP. 

I will update and write another post when I have been to the doctors and maybe will give tips on how to get better ect. 

Love Katie 
xx