wedding diet

Hi guys!

I know its been a while...Again. But I am back for a bit haha.

Well I'm getting married in 3 months. Yes 3 MONTHS! I know a lot of brides diet for like a year before they get married but to be honest that hasn't really bothered me, but now I'm like terrified of not fitting into my dress, so now 3 months before I take the plunge I've decided to diet. Better late than never!

My facebook feed is basically covered in juice plus. My facebook is basically like a juice plus focus group. All I see are various women shredding the pounds by cleansing their bodies souls and god knows whatever else with various shakes and capsules. Capsules yes basically a posher word for pills. Basically slimming pills for posh people that don't like to admit popping pills every 5 minuets. Any how I thought well this obviously works. So there I am on the juice plus website looking at their shakes and "capsules" and I would basically have to go get myself a mortgage and then re mortgage to afford that. If I did juice plus the diet would cost more than my wedding. So I thought juice plus can stick it.

What else could I do. Well any diet is not going to work without eating healthy so I thought I would try changing my diet and see how I get on, then I wont have to cut of a leg and sell it in order to loose weight. I've been eating fish, veg ect and cut out snacking. Now I have been on meal replacement shakes before and I didn't work for me but I thought I want to give it another go but do it my way because if I don't I will fail, just like last time. so here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to eat healthier and drink water, apart from the odd treat drink. I'm going to have a meal replacement shake as I want, so maybe I will have one a day at breakfast or lunch which ever I feel like on the day, I may even choose to have one for breakfast and lunch on various days. The meals I do have are going to be healthy. No shit, no fatty foods, just tasty healthy meals. Gone is the snacking. I am aware that on sometimes I can have a cheat. so then I may decide to have the odd cheat but only one thing. I will allow myself a takeaway which would be a chicken kebab, when I was on slimming world this was a popular choice amongst other slimming buddies as its a "healthier" takeaway if there ever was such a thing. I'm going to listen to my body and do it my way.

I'm thinking of using this blog as a diary of my weight journey too off load as I just cant do It without. I know, I know, I started one before and it come to fuck all basically but this time I have an end goal too look at.

Today I am having, a Superdrug own instant meal replacement shake, strawberry flavour, a slimming world Mediterranean chicken pasta from Iceland for lunch and dinner is undecided at the moment. At the moment I am feeling positive and really want to see results. I will be back tomorrow to log how I am feeling and keep you updated...if you want to be haha.






speak soon
LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx
 

My Mind And Me - It gets worse before it gets better

It gets worse before it gets better

Well on my journey with counselling I expected to see changes. Mood changes more than anything. I thought this counselling would be a fix, A Quick fix. If I am totally honest with you I thought it was going to be 'easy' and solve all my problems. How naïve of me. I was being stupid thinking like that but when your in the moment things seem a lot different. That's one thing that's annoying about depression, it can cloud a lot and change your thought process. I'm lucky I am not one of the severe ones.


Half way through my journey I began to realise the desired effect I hoped the counselling would have was not going to happen. I kept coming out of the sessions with my emotions running sky high just like I felt on the first session only I couldn't figure out why. I mean yes its understandable that I wouldn't feel one hundred percent after speaking about the events of my past but come on I thought I'd be able to learn to keep a lid on how it made me felt. In my head that's what counselling was meant to help me to do. I don't know If that was my deluded vision of counselling or a thought process I created to help make what counselling would really do to me seem easier.

Before you start counselling they tell you it is an emotional journey and you start to feel worse before you feel better and you may also not feel great when you finish. I thought that nah that's not going to be me they are just saying that to make me feel better. I can tell you I was wrong, wrong to assume I would be different. I was feeling worse, half way through I thought I was going to rip someone's head off and my emotions were all over the place. I should have listened and that way I would have been prepared for the hard core feelings hitting me like a bus. I'm not going to dress it up for you all its important you know the realities of counselling. I felt destroyed. I felt broken as a person and as woman, I was in a tunnel that I didn't think I would make  it through. I felt stuck. Stuck with my past and all the horrible memories it brought. I was reliving it every day in my head almost like punishing myself. But why? I didn't know.

I realise now that I was meant to feel that way. Its like a fear the only way to confront it is to tackle it head on. That's what I was doing. Tackling my past head on because my past was the key to all my problems. Despite the way the counselling was making me feel I enjoyed going. It was my chance to talk to someone, tell someone how I felt and what was going on and that person  did not judge. That person was completely neutral  and most of  all listened. Listened when no one else would, or couldn't understand. So there I was half way through my counselling journey feeling shit and confused and erratic but also feeling motivated and positive that I had someone to listen. That is what started to pull me through. The fact that every seven days there was a pair of ears waiting for me meant the world.

Look out for my mind and me next week

Thanks for reading :)

Until next time...

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx
 

My Mind And Me - Raw Emotions

Raw Emotions

Getting in the car I felt very uneasy. I felt like I was on my way to court to be judged. In reality I was on my way to my second counselling session, only this was the first time we would start talking about things properly. As I sat in the back seat of the cab I felt as if I was about to have every last detail of my life and traumatic events be picked apart one by one. I was about to confront issues that I hadn't visited in a long while, events that could have possibly caused the depression I was feeling today. Notice I say possibly, I didn't know for sure what had caused it but that was the point in this, the journey was to find out what had and to start conquering it for my sake and my families.

Sitting in the waiting room caused the most nerves. They were NHS so there was no thought of comfort gone into the waiting room, of course the NHS never pumped money into things like that. To be honest they should it may make anxiety in people like me lower when waiting to torture themselves with their pasts. Part of me was hoping I had got the day wrong and they wouldn't call my name out, but I was correct. "Bethany" there was my name, dread filled me as I took a slow forceful walk into the room I had came to like on my last visit, but I had a feeling that after todays session I wouldn't be feeling the same. The awkwardness was overwhelming, the counsellor was waiting for me to start, but I couldn't, I couldn't find the words to say what I had been through. I needed her to ask me about it, it was the only way I was going to open up, it was the only way I knew how. The time between me deciding to be awkward and the counsellor asking me seemed to drag. It was silent and I was look around the room in a nervous panic, I heard Ava and Bella playing in the waiting room under Katie's supervision, it took all the strength I had not to crash through the wall to them. Let me tell you its not easy holding back tears when someone is unstitching the stitching that held the emotional wounds together. I couldn't. I broke down. It was hard. I talked about the events that had moulded the person that stands here today. The wounds were open and the emotions where pouring out like blood and I couldn't stop  it and I couldn't control it. My anxiety crept up as I was aware of the counsellor sitting in front of me. What was she thinking? Did she think I was nuts? Was she going to tell me off for crying? The answers to all these questions was no. She was calming and as I made eye contact with her for the first time I could see something, she was listening. For the first time no one was crying, getting confused or getting angry when I spoke about everything. For the first time someone was actually taking it in and listening to every word, to me. Nothing more, nothing less. Just listening to what I was saying and to how I felt. Before I knew it time was up and I had to leave. But I was just getting started, now I had to stop when the wounds were open, if I closed them up again I weren't sure if I could re open them again which left me only one option. I had to leave my wounds open for the week. This scared me. Scared me stiff.

I must have been a complete nightmare to live with that week. I remember feeling so terrible and wanting to cry almost all of the time. I would put on a brave face and pretend I was okay in front of people, but not Tom. I couldn't pretend to him. So he got the rough of it as I let my emotions out the only way I knew how. Anger. I would pick arguments and then argue till I was blue in the face. I would then cry afterwards like I was the poor victim when I wasn't. Poor Tom had been lured into an argument just so I could scream and shout to let it all out. let out all the emotions that were pouring out of them still open wounds. I couldn't explain it to Tom, I didn't know how. It killed me inside to shout at him the way I did and to confuse him the way I did. I love him so very much he's the love of my life it wasn't fair on him. I'm pretty s**t at coping sometimes. I did think that week that maybe Tom would be better off without me, without me treating him so poorly. With out me shouting at him every night. But Tommy being the lovely bloke that he is still cuddled me, still gave me comfort and reassurance, in his own way he understood, he didn't have to say it out loud for me to know. With every cuddle he gave me after every argument I knew that he would be there by my side while I confronted the demons of my past. I was so tired of how I felt and hoped that I would start seeing the positives from the counselling sooner rather than later. Exhaustion was not a good look for me.

Thanks for reading

Look out for My Mind And Me next week.

until next time

LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx

A Diet Challenge

Katie - Brevile Smoothy Diet

I've always had problems with my weight and if you read some of my posts before you would know I've also suffered with eating disorder and even though I don't suffer with that anymore, it's still always on back of my mind. My weight always up and down but for past two years it's stayed the same, with some months going up and down by only a few pound. 

I actually like my figure, I have big boobs and small waist.. It's just my belly, legs and arms I want to loose weight and tone up on. I would love to try slim fast, slimming word or those kinda of ways but because I'm currently under going alot of tests for my bowel ect I can't try any of those and also recently found out I'm diary intolerant. So I decided getting a blender was the best idea, to make a fresh smoothie/juice every morning to start me off then eat healthy for rest of my meals. I ordered the Breville blend active blender on Amazon early this week which hasn't come yet but it was on offer to £20 from £30.

People would class me as a fussy eater but that's just me. I only really eat chicken to be honest. I think I eat mostly healthy food anyways but for me the biggest thing is not eating at the right time. Having so many health problems lately it's massively effecting on my diet. Some medication make me sick or feel Sick which doesn't make me want to eat a proper meal so mostly I just eat plain toast. I don't drink any fizzy so I'm okay with drink, I just need to drink more water . So my plan is to make a healthy smoothie/juice drink every morning ( I have been googling a lot of receipes which I will do a post when I've tried them out), I need to do a big shop on fruit ect which I can't do til the weekend so I will start this on Monday. 

I'm a size 12/14but I want to be more 10/12 which I used to be and 80% of my clothes are so I need to just loose abit. My boobs are big so I always have to get a bigger size for my top half which is annoying and whenever I've lost weight in the past I never loose it on my boobs. I'm not going to make this into a BIG thing as I don't want to become too obssesed then go back into old ways and then into a eating disorder, but having Beth doing something similar is a massive help. 

Beth - Slimfast Diet

I used to be a size 10 and obviously having children I have worked my way up to a size 12/14. So as you can see me and Katie are of similar weight. And both want to get down to the same size of a size 10. I've never been good at just eating better sounds bad don't it! So I've decided the best way forward for me would be slimfast. I'm a girl who loves my food so I know it's going to be tough but with good support and determination I can do it. 

My diet will consist of 

Breakfast - Slimfast meal bar or shake 

Slimfast Snack

Lunch - Slimfast Shake 

Slimfast Snack

Dinner - Calorie controlled meal 

I'm not happy with my body at the moment which is why I'm doing this so it takes a lot of effort for me to post my starter picture, I don't want to scare you all! But I gotta do it 

It's pure coincidence that we have both chose to diet at the same time, but seeing as we have we are going to post our journeys and why not compare the diets at the same time! 

 We will be posting weekly 

Wish us luck!! 

LotsOfLove 

Katie&Beth...xxx