A letter to dad

A letter to dad

Dear Dad,


I don't even know where to start, how do I even begin to say thank you to you. I have a mountain of things to be grateful for I just don't know where to start. Sure you did the dad stuff when I was young, you know the normal dad stuff like teaching me to swim, teaching me to ride a bike, taking me to the park providing a safe and secure home for me and keeping me fed and watered. There were also the unconventional things you did with me too like taking me on ghost walks, to haunted prisons and of course loosing me and a little shop in pontins... I had to bring that up haha. We had so much fun going to all the plane museums and air shows too didn't we dad. I used to and still do love hearing you tell me all about them in great detail, its amazing how much you know so clever. The smile on your face when you would show me around these places was heart warming, I remember thinking those days that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else. I think I knew more about the spitfire before I was 10 than any other girl did in her lifetime, I am so grateful you have filled my head with all  that knowledge. Thank you. I think back to all these time with a smile the size of the world, I'm so happy we have done so much together, you know I get a little teary too dad, how did it all go too fast? One minuet I was relying on you left right and centre and being your companion  to all these places and now I have my own family to run and I don't live that close. I do miss those times a lot but I have had to grow up I just wish the days never went so quick. I will cherish these memories forever, you gave me a lovely childhood.

I remember seeing the two lines on that stick and it didn't feel real. I couldn't believe it and it never sunk in till I, well Elisa told Mum. Soon the realisation hit that I would have to tell you, I would have to tell you dad that your little girl was pregnant at 17. I was petrified, I knew I had let you down. I thought you would be disgusted, ashamed and embarrassed. I hid out at a mates when mum told you, I had my phone in my hand waiting for Mum to tell me she had told you. When you picked me up from a friends things had never been so awkward between us, you barely spoke to me and all I wanted was a cuddle and for you to tell me you loved me and it was going to be okay, I was scared dad I was still a child which I could tell is what you were thinking, but I wanted to keep my baby. I knew you would come around when you got used to the idea. I knew you loved me unconditionally and that you would be there for me, so when you started smiling about it I knew it was going to be okay. One time really sticks out in my mind, when we was in gran canaria and you spoke about the baby girl in my belly. It was different, you was smiling about her you was talking about when she was going to be here like you never had before, I knew then I had your unconditional support, I knew you would be by my side. By my side that you were especially when the hard part came. My labour, it was painful and needed an epidural, you got me through it, kept me still and held my hand, without you I wouldn't have done it I want you to know that. Thank you for being there during that, thank you for never leaving my side the whole time. Some woman may feel weird having their dads see that but I didn't it felt right and it felt natural and I wouldn't have had it any other way, I needed my daddy there and I would have you there again. When Ava arrived it was magical you had the first proper cuddle, you were natural with her,  the love in your eyes was amazing and its then I think you made the promise to always be there for her. And that you have been, you have been there for her since the day she was born till now and continue to be your a wonderful granddad not just to Ava not just to Bella but to all your grandchildren, there's a reason they love you so much.

Thank you dad for giving me a home when it was just me and Ava, you could have easily have told me to find somewhere but you didn't. Whenever I needed you, you were always right there offering a hand in help and you still are. You were there to give me break of an evening by cuddling my little bundle till she was soundo. You where happy to change her and feed her, taking on daddy responsibilities you sure made being a single parent easier. You made me see being single parent was not something to be ashamed of, you always told me I was doing a good job. That meant the world to me. If you thought I was doing good then I didn't care what everyone else thought your opinion was the one that mattered most. Sure over time I met Tommy and grown up more, had another baby and moved out. But dad I'm still your little girl. Just a bit heavier these days. I want to thank you for letting Tom move in, I had fell in love and you helped my heart not break. I may have found love dad but you will always be my first love and the love I have for you in unconditional. Thank you for not booting me out even when my family expanded and space was tight. I felt so ashamed that I hadn't  and couldn't give my girls a home but the fact you did and you let us stay made it easier. Of course the time came when we moved, I had tears in my eyes the whole time and know you did too, we knew we wouldn't see each other all the time and I knew it was breaking your heart being separated from Ava. I hope you see I am trying to see you as much as I can, though saying goodbye never gets easier, I miss you dad and I know the girls miss you too.

I want to mention when you lost granddad, I know its random but its the first time I saw you cry properly. It broke your heart and I felt helpless because I wanted to fix it for you. I wanted to cuddle you and tell you it would get easier and it will be okay. He would be so proud of you, of the dad you are, the granddad you are and the incredible man you are. He lives on in you we can all see it.

I have been through so much two very difficult times to be exact and you know what I'm talking about, I could have broken, I nearly did. I know those times are probably hard for you to think of and painful, but with out your support through them I don't know where I would be now. I do look and think how did I get where I am now, how did I get from some painful moments in my life to a happy family now, well that's because of you and mum guiding me through and being the best support system, I owe who I am today to you.

This letter is to you, to say thank you for being you thank you for doing so much for me beyond what is expected. All I have ever wanted was to make you proud dad the way I am of you. You truly are one in a million, I have struck gold. Happy fathers Day dad. I love you... unconditionally.

Lots of love

Your little girl.