It never used to bother me, you know the whole living at home with parents, even when I had Ava and was a single mum I didn't mind staying in my parents home, its all I knew and I weren't in a hurry to take the leap in to independence. I had a new little baby that was enough of a change and I was 18 so it was still acceptable. After having Ava it did dawn on me that I was the 'third wheel' so to speak. But I didn't care, I had the right to be there, I was their daughter, like Ava was mine so I knew it didn't bother them after all you can never picture your child leaving home and don't tend to think about it.
Time went on, I started college, another reason for me not to take the leap, I wanted to finish the course before I thought about taking on the moving challenge, and also getting a job at the end of it was fore front of my mind too. Now I had a boyfriend at that point. Together for a year you would think we would have thought about the next step, but he turned out to have the mind of a five year old and a dragon of a controlling nan so I got out of that relationship faster than Usain Bolt running the 100m. By no means did this dampen my spirits, I stayed at home and continued studying and Ava was coming up for her second birthday. It was then that my sister made a joke that me being me took seriously. This changed my life forever, in a good way don't be alarmed. You should try online dating she said, so I did.
To be honest I wasn't looking for 'love' I thought I would just see what it was like. I had heard about online dating and now seeing myself as an adult I didn't see the harm. Oh my it wasn't the best dating site to try, but it was one advertised on Facebook so I thought it must be popular. Some of the wronguns that messaged me on there were unbelievable. I even texted a few. Don't ask me why. I saw it all, cheesy chat up lines, a fairly normal bloke who was still tied up on his ex so much so I started to think they were still together! I had boring blokes which had less personality than my sofa, and weird stalker types, which were possessive after a day of texting, I would rather of had my eyes gauged out by a bear while being stung by a thousands of angry bees than have spoke to them a day longer. I pretty much gave up on the whole online dating scene having wrote it off as a place of creeps. I don't know why I went back on there, curiosity killed the cat as they say. But I was right to do so because sitting in my inbox was a little message from my now fiancé and father of my two children. (Ava knows him as daddy he's all she knows )we have now been together for nearly 3 years.
I suppose it was when I was pregnant with Bella I started to think of my own space. We had lived with Toms parents and mine at separate times during my pregnancy. Going from pillar to post we both come to the realisation we both had no place to call home. These two houses we had grown up in no longer felt like home. For the first time the place I had lived in for like 12 years was my parents home. That was how we knew that it was time. It was time to move. To get our own place our own space. stand on our own two feet. Unfortunately due too medical problems in my pregnancy it was decided that it was best not to until Bella had arrived. And of course the main problem MONEY. I didn't feel to stressed out about it while I was pregnant. It wasn't until Bella was born that it bothered me the most. Things got really difficult living with my parents. Me and my mum started arguing. A lot. Little things she did annoyed me. I started to want my own place desperately, a far cry from how I was when I had just had Ava, I had grown up. I would cry about it most days wanting to move came an obsession. I would look at properties online all day everyday and imagine myself in them. I nearly took a disgusting flat, it was Tommy that made me realise. After that I tried not to think about it but It was still there in my head, I NEEDED to move. Eventually Tommy came up with viewings randomly, to my delight we viewed a place and liked it and with the deposit saved up safe and sound in our bank account we were good to go. I faced the most painful, longest, agonising week of my life hoping everything would go through okay, I cant explain to you how it felt when we got a moving date. That was a magical day. To be honest it didn't seem real I was on cloud 9 and thought I was watching someone else moving into their place. That night felt good. Relaxed. Now came the next challenge.
I had it, all I had wanted. But I was in a new place that was completely alien to me. I had gone from Essex to Woodley In berks over night. It was new. I had no idea what was in my area, where the busses went, where the local hospital was ect. it took months to get used too and to know. At first and I will be honest I felt I didn't belong, I mean how can someone who knows nothing about the place and had a noticeable different accent belong? On top of it all the whole flat was my responsibility , that was daunting, more daunting than motherhood strangely enough. I had too cook dinners if not my family didn't eat, I had to do all the washing if not my family had no clothes, I would have to get the shopping in to make sure I was able to cook, I had to make sure we didn't run out of money and make sure the rent was paid on time to make sure we didn't become homeless. I had to make sure the house was clean so that my kids don't live in a dirt pit and get unhealthy. It was stressful, before I only had to look after myself and make sure my kids were looked after and fed. Now Everything was down to me and with Tom at work If I didn't do it, it would fall apart. I'm not going to lie it took a while to find my feet.
Fortunately now all is okay. Yes I am in a new place to where I grew up, but this area is now home, its where my children will grow up. when we drive back into Woodley, I feel relaxed I feel at ease and familiar I feel, 'ahhh I'm home'. I know what is around me. On the house chores side of it, I am no longer stressing, I am on top of it all once a day is done I sit on the sofa with a sense of achievement feeling like I have just climbed mount Everest and won the FA cup all in one day. All in all I am so happy, I'm so happy I have moved and I am so happy my attitude towards moving changed. Me and my mum get a long so much better too!
Its crazy how much your life can change and how your views can change but if I have one bit of advice to others, if you feel an urge to do something like chase your dreams or a change in your views don't fight it go with it, it is part of you evolving and is a growth of your life and your character.
Thanks for reading
LotsOfLove
Beth...xxx
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